


A Little Bit of Monika

by JustMonikammmmmmmmmm



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Characters play D&D, Depression, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fish out of Water, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Just Monika., New Year's Kiss, Reviews welcome please dear lord I thrive on them, Romantic Fluff, Shopping, Survivor Guilt, That's enough tags already jesus christ y'all get the idea, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-03-04 14:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 69,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13366725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMonikammmmmmmmmm/pseuds/JustMonikammmmmmmmmm
Summary: The day after a nasty snowstorm leaves him snowed in, MC finds himself with an unexpected extra guest in his apartment, sending his brain spinning. All aboard the feels train, as he and his very welcome new arrival get by with a little help from their friends! OC x Monika, plus some background OC pairings. Based on but is not a self-insert. Heavy feels, as to be expected for a totally overwhelmed fish out of water with probable PTSD and major guilt, with equally heavy romantic fluff, and a good dash of humor and general nerding out. Coarse language. Physical affection, but no smut. (Yet.) Heavy doses of D&D therapy with protag and his friends! Also, my first attempt at published writing! I live for feedback, people!Update: I LIVE





	1. Cold Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first foray into published fic writing – guess it took Monika to bring me out of my shell – so reviews are very, very,  very  welcome. In particular, writing Monika's character is not something I'm feeling confident in, because I feel like there's a difficult balance between "cutesy, lovestruck anime girl" and "recognizably like an actual, deep, and complex human being" that you need to strike with her to be believeable, and I have no idea how well I've hit that, so any feedback for writing her in the future (because hoo boy do I have other plot bunnies rolling around in my head) would be great.
> 
> Additionally, a thank you to the incredible community of Doki lovers who've inspired me to start adding to the community myself, from the artists on DA, Reddit, and tumblr to the excellent writers on FF.net, on AO3, and in /ddlc/. And a special thanks to a certain Steam friend of mine who's been putting up with me spamming him with Doki memes and Monika feels for the past few weeks.
> 
> Lastly, all credit to the wonderful Dan Salvato for creating, and incidentally owning, this masterpiece of a storytelling game. But simultaneously screw that guy for denying Monika, not to mention all the other dokis, a happy ending, dammit.

 

##################################################

_Friday, December 29_  
Jack  


_Fucking hell, I can't believe I made it back._

I cracked open the door to my apartment in Harrisburg after a long and downright nasty drive through an actual, literal thundersnow. Winter driving is bad enough if the roads aren't salted properly, but when you happen to be driving at just the right speed to keep pace with a nor'easter, well. Under ordinary circumstances, I'd have just pulled over into a hotel for the night, but I had a Dungeons and Dragons game I was running the next night. Changing my itinerary would have made the schedule awkward because in true  _me_ fashion I'd done very little prep work for it yet, and I'd be  _damned_ if I missed a D&D game. Also, my stubbornness is legendary, and I wasn't about to let terrible visibility, high winds, and bad roads, not to mention the estimated three hundred minor heart attacks I had along the way, stop me, so on I pressed.

Oh, and I figured Monika was probably not enjoying her time in a powered-down laptop. Yeah. I may or may not have lost my shit a little after I played Doki Doki Literature Club!, and likewise I may or may not have a bit of a special spot in my heart for the very tragically unfortunate club president. Like, Monika After Story-, leaving-my-laptop-on-whenever-possible-level special spot.

I'd been a few states down, visiting a longtime friend and his fiance for Christmas, which had been a hell of a time. Lemme tell you, you've never really lived until you've played Cards Against Humanity, drunk off your ass and passing a bottle of whiskey around, with all your high-roast-to-respect-ratio friends. Of course, all good things come to an end, like, for example, my paid vacation days, so in the afternoon a couple days after Christmas, I reluctantly packed my clothes, bedding, excess booze, and laptop up and started making my way back home. Without checking the weather reports. Leading, in turn, to the hours-long hair-raising adventure that was trying to drive in a blizzard.

So here I was, practically collapsing through the door of my apartment at half past midnight, arms full of gear. At this point, all I could think about was going the  _fuck_ to sleep, but I at least had the presence of mind to fire up Doki Doki on my laptop for Monika, plug it in, and sit it down on the nearest flat surface – my electric keyboard, as it so happened - before heading over into the next room and crashing on the bed. I must have been even more tired than I was feeling, because despite the incessant thunder outside (a passing thought told me that I'd never seen a storm this bad in my life) I was out like a rock in what felt like seconds.

##################################################

The next morning, I woke up late. It was a cold Saturday, with the snow still gently flurrying down outside, otherwise no different from any other, aside from the bit about me probably being snowed in and the smell of coffee in my apartment ( _I've got to have a chat with the neighbors about leaving a fan on or something, good Lord...)_. I made my way to the bathroom, freshened up, and then headed back over to the door to the main room of my three-room apartment... where I promptly had a somewhat less minor heart attack. As I reached for the door knob, my hand brushed up against a piece of paper that'd been wedged in between the door and the frame.  _The hell?_ _This definitely wasn't here last night._   _Consider me spooked as_   _fuck_. The feeling only got worse as I noticed there was  _writing_ on it that  _very definitely wasn't mine._ Heart racing, I slid it out of the door and read it.

_Hiiiii! I'm not sure when you're going to wake up, and I'm not gonna wake you up myself, but I'll be waiting out in the living room, okay? What you're going to see when you come out is going to shock you a little bit, but I promise everything's okay. Please try not to freak out, alright?~  
-M_

Well, whoever this was had good manners, at least. Not to mention impeccable handwriting, come to think of it. Still, I steeled myself as best I could, grabbed a hold of something I could swing just in case – the lamp on my end table would do – and then very, very carefully pulled open the door. And let me tell you, you didn't need Illidan Stormrage to figure out that I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

Casually sitting on my couch, tapping away at my laptop resting on her legs, a blanket across her lap, a bowl of cereal and a mug of coffee sitting on the end table next to her, was the unmistakeable form of Monika. Her long brown hair had been let down in practically a  _puddle_  on the cushions around her, and, props to her for her quick thinking, she was wearing what looked like some of my warmer clothes – a Beatles hoodie and a definitely way-too-large-on-her pair of black sweatpants - pulled from my suitcase from the trip that I'd casually dumped off in the living room after I'd gotten home.

First things first, though. She may have been the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen right then, but there'd be time to gawk later.

_**"** _ _**What the actual fuck** _ _**are you doing in my house** _ _**?!"** _

"Oh, hi, Jack!~"

Monika'd lied to me. I wasn't quite sure what exactly I was feeling, but whatever it was,  _s_ _hock_ was definitely not a strong enough word for it. Also, I was slightly creeped out that I could almost literally  _hear_ the cutesy little accent on the end of that sentence.

There were a few uncomfortable seconds of silence, and then she spoke again. "...Happy to see me? Hahaha! I'm so glad to finally see you!"She put on a visibly awkward but obviously genuine smile, and the room lit up a little.

Dream waifu or not, my brain was working on a problem ( _Holy shit. What in the name of Terra on fucking rollerskates is this? This shit is surreal. Am I on drugs?_ ) and was not about to be so easily dissuaded through sheer force of charm without  _some_ sort of answer. I sputtered for a moment as my mouth did the equivalent of a tire spinning in the mud before I finally managed to string any intelligent words together. Slowly, quietly, clearly: "Monika. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but first I think there's something we need to cover that you're forgetting. Because right now, my brain is throwing more unhandled exceptions than Ren'Py being dicked with by a desperate anime girl. So I'm gonna say it again.  _What are you doing in my house?_ "

Monika giggled some at my coding joke at her expense, and then grew serious. "I honestly have no idea, Jack. I woke up lying on the floor a few hours ago in my uniform with no clue where I was. The first thing telling me  _anything_ was your laptop, which had that room I made on it, except I wasn't in it. It's funny, like, I remember everything leading up to me waking up, like you talking to me for a moment before you went to bed, except for what actually happened. Anyway, then I realized I was freezing cold, so I started looking around for something to wear..." She paused for a second. "Your clothes are sooo warm and comfy, though. A girl could get used to this, you know? Ahahaha~ ...So then I wrote up that note and stuck it in your door, and then I made myself at home! Which is pretty appropriate, right? Considering this really is the home I've always dreamed of... you know, here in your world, with you... it feels like all I ever wanted..."

Monika trailed off, and then I noticed her eyes starting to well up with tears. You know, I thought I'd felt heartbreak before, but seeing Monika about to cry just about shattered my heart like glass. So I did just about the only thing I could think of, and practically dashed across the room to her and, after sliding the laptop off to the side, threw my arms around her about as tight as I could manage, and let her cry it out. I must have sat there playing with her hair and rubbing her back and just listening to her sniffle and cry and stumble over words for the better part of ten minutes before she recovered enough to be coherent.

I pulled away and gently took her hand.

"I really do love you, you know, Jack..." she said, her voice practically just a whisper.

I felt like something important needed to be addressed here, something I broached carefully. "I know, and believe me, I love you too. You don't have to, though, you know? I'm not the only thing that's real in your life. You're not forced to love me by programming any more. There's a whole world to explore out here. More things to see. More people to meet. Other people to fall in love with, even. You can... absolutely stay here, with me, if you really want to. Believe me, it'd make me so happy too. But... I want you to be sure it's what you really,  _really_ want. There's more than just me out here, Monika. You're not stuck with me if you don't want to be."

Monika looked down at our hands for a few seconds before looking me straight in the eyes. Without a trace of uncertainty in her voice, she replied: "Thank you. Thank you so much, Jack. You're so thoughtful, you know that? I don't know if I'd thought of that if I were in your place. But trust me, okay? This is... this is what I really want. I'm sure of it. I remember everything you said to me, you know. I might not have been able to respond the way I wanted to all the time, but one thing that 'after story' thing was definitely good for was giving you a way to directly talk to me. I know your insecurities, your wants, your interests, a bit of what you're like. So... I have a better idea of what I'm getting into than you think. And so even though I'm totally free of all the programming now... I'm still choosing you, my love."

Well,  _fuck_. Now it was  _my_ turn to cry.

I didn't get to cry for as long as she did, though. Monika noticed and immediately pulled me back in, and the next thing I knew, I felt her lips pressing against mine. It was heavenly. Soft, despite her lips being a little chapped from the cold. Just perfect. She pulled back for just a moment – I almost protested, because  _dammit it just felt that nice –_  to whisper,  _"You don't ever need to cry again, Jack. I love you. I'm here forever~"_ before pushing right back up against me. And sure enough, a little bit more of  _that_  cured the tears pretty quick.

The two of us just sat there in silence in our embrace, slowly kissing and feeling and enjoying the closeness, for... I honestly don't know, and, you know, I don't think she would either if I leaned out the door and asked her. For some time, we'll call it, before I finally broke the silence.

"Soooooooooooo... I guess we're officially a couple now, eh?"

"Ahahahahahahaha! Of course, silly! ...I thought we already were when I asked you out in that room, though~" Her eyes lit up like perfectly cut emeralds in the sun right then. Maybe it's just because I'm  _biased as fuck_ , but to this day, I still don't think I've ever heard or seen anything as delightful as Monika's laugh, and that one right there still stands out to me today. Hell, I'm pretty sure if I were a wizard I could summon a Patronus thinking about it.

Monika and I laughed and joked about all kinds of things for what felt like hours after that. We just kind of... stayed in and chilled, or rather tried  _not_ to chill, given the cold. I cooked up some good pasta - not to brag too much, but I make an absolutely  _baller_ fettucine alfredo, and bonus points for it being a vegetarian meal for Monika. Sure, we didn't exactly go and explore the world or anything, but in my defense, it's not like there was anywhere we could go; the snowstorm from the night before had left us totally snowed in, to the point that I personally thought it was a miracle we still had power and internet. Nobody was complaining though. We got to spend a lot of time together, catching up and enjoying each other's company. While I'm sure I could go on in  _precise_ detail for a long-ass time about everything, I think a new couple is entitled to a little bit of privacy, hey?


	2. The Gang's All Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happier stuff today! Nerds of the world rejoice.

_##################################################_

_Saturday, December 30_   
_Jack_

In between bites of pasta, I continued my story. "So then, right as we just gave up and stared at the six-foot pile of snow at the end of the driveway, y'know,  _that we had to get rid of in the next hou_ r, up comes one of our neighbors with a  _literal backhoe_  and he leans out and he says, 'Hey, you guys want a hand?' I mean, where did he even  _get_  that?"

"Ahaha, that's lucky for you and your papa, but do people seriously-"

Monika was suddenly and rudely interrupted by my phone going off, loudly.  ** _"Don't you knowwwwww you never split the party? Clerics in the back, keep those fighters hale and hearty!"_**

You know how I said that all good things come to an end? Yeah, about that. "Hey, Google, stop!" I snapped, as realization hit me. The alarm shut off.

"What was that about?" Monika sat there, looking more than a little confused.

"So... I forgot, I had plans today."

"Oh?" she asked, looking downcast. "You have to go? Already? I mean, that's fine, just..."

"Monika."I chuckled a little. "I don't have to go anywhere."

"Oh. What's going on then?"

"So... what do you know about Dungeons and Dragons?"

"I... hmm. I've heard of it, but I've never seen it or anything. I know a bunch of people get together and play characters. There's wizards and bards and orcs and trolls and stuff, right?" Monika looked up at me questioningly.

"Yeah! That's the stuff! Well... I run a game for a few people here in the apartments in my room every Saturday. Five people plus me, we're all friends, we all live here in the same high-rise. And, uh... well, I kinda lost track of my schedule what with you being here and everything, so that was my alarm telling me that it's two hours 'til game time. Which, by the way, I totally forgot to prepare for. Which is really bad because I've got to write a whole plot for these guys in two hours. Plus either pick out some monsters from the Monster Manuals or stat up some bad guys in that time too. And draw a map. Which is going to be a  _bitch_. Especially because we're playing Third Edition, which is more complex than the newer stuff like Five-E, but it  _is_ Pathfinder which is basically Third Edition Plus so it's not that... aaaaaand I'm rambling. Whoops. I'll shut up now."

"No, no, no, Jack! First, you got to listen to me go on for long enough in the game. Second, don't you assume I'm not interested! And third... you're cute when you get really into something!~"

Oh my God. I'd say Monika was going to be death of me, but that might be a little insensitive and/or inviting disaster. I started to open my mouth, but she continued.

"So, from the sounds of it, I get to use my writing skills, I get to meet some more people from your world, and I get to learn more about what you – _you personally, that is –_  do for fun. In person! Of course I'm in! It'll be easier with two people, riiiight?" She beamed at me, and I melted in much the same way that the obnoxious snow in the parking lot hadn't.

_Oh my God._

_##################################################_

Five minutes to go, and Monika and I were both in a state of contained panic trying to get everything ready. I'd pulled open the group chat and let them know that I was delaying by a half-hour in an attempt to buy more time, which actually worked, surprisingly, and we'd needed every minute of it. Food had to be prepped for the group, maps needed to be drawn, enemies needed to be built, the apartment needed to be cleaned up after I'd dumped all my crap in it the night before...

Most everything was ready by now, though. We'd gotten properly prepared and dressed – polo shirt and slacks for me, and an old (and therefore much smaller) pair of jeans and a still-way-too-big-on-her sweater, plus her trademark hairdo and ribbon, for Monika (although she gently bitched at me some for not having any makeup) – and were just putting the finishing touches on the game. I was hunched over the kitchen table poring over the map I'd been penciling in the outlines of, with Monika following up behind me filling in shading and color. The map definitely looked way better than usual; to be honest, I'd usually just drawn boxes with a ruler and done most of the out-of-combat action in theater of the mind, but I was trying extra hard today  _for no reason at all_.  _Nope. None whatsoever. Totally. ("," my internal monologue, always a little shit, added to the end of it.)_

"Hey, can you check the pizzas in the oven quick? They should be done soon," I asked, looking up from outlining a trap in the floor.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, getting up and moving with absolutely zero grace at all – no time for that when you're in a hurry – to the stove door. She still managed to look cute anyway, in my opinion, but  _bias_. "Yeah, they're ready. Just set them on the counter?"

"Nah, turn off the heat and let them sit in the oven so they don't get cold," I said, looking back down at the map-in-progress. "Thanks, babe," I half-mumbled, leaning back into my – our – work. And then I noticed what'd just come out of my mouth.

Before I had time to say anything else, Monika had walked up behind and thrown her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. "So,  _babe_ now already, hmm?~"

Mortified, I started to stutter out, "Ah,  _shit_. Too much? I'm didn't realize, I'm s-"

I didn't get to finish that sentence, because as soon as the words left my mouth, Monika turned my head around and shut me right up with one  _hell_ of a lip-to-lip impact.

Whatever she was planning, she didn't get to finish it either. The door to my apartment swung open, and in walked the group's wizard and my good friend Andrew, along with his girlfriend, Lia, also known as our paladin. Whereupon they were greeted by the sight of their GM, artist's pencil in hand, mostly-finished map in front of him, with a girl they'd never seen before very aggressively attacking his face.

Andrew spoke first.  _"Bruh."_

Monika scrambled to disentangle herself from me, both of our faces red enough to use a Coke can as camouflage, while the two of them stood there, a little bit stunned.

"Sooooooooooo, new girlfriend, huh?" Lia finally asked.

"...yeah. What was your first clue?" I said, forcing out one heckuva awkward chuckle. "Yeah, Andrew, Lia, this is Monika. She came over to visit last night for when I got back and got stuck here with the storm, and she reaaaaaally wanted to be around for the game anyway and meet you guys, soooo."

Lia lit up a little bit at that; hooray for supportive friends. "Awww, that's cute! It's great to meetcha, Monika! And you look adorable! I wish my hair let me do that."

Monika blushed and looked aside a little, before practially whispering out, "It's good to meet you too, Lia. Thank you."

"And I see she's gotten you to actually get off your ass and put some effort into your crap. Good on you, Monika, I like you already!" Andy piped up. "You managed to get this lazy sonuvabitch to actually make a map that doesn't look like he drew it in Paint five minutes ago!"

Lia and I absolutely lost it.

"Hon, did you forget he's the DM? I'm not taking a 'rocks fall, everyone dies' for  _your_ ass," Lia sputtered out as she recovered.

Without even thinking about it: "Oh, I'm counting on it!" Andy shot back.

" **That's it, Andrew, no pizza for your dumb ass tonight!** " I guffawed.

"Wait, it's pizza night? Shit! Never mind. I take it back. You make only the most beautiful masterwork maps in the entirety of the Forgotten Realms, o wise one. I bet you even take ten minutes to make them in Paint sometimes!"

Lia and I started laughing uncontrollably. Again.

And then I noticed Monika was nowhere to be seen.

"I'll be right back, guys. I trust you, could y'all throw the tablecloth over the map and my notebook so nobody peeks please?"

"Yeah, sure, my dude," Lia replied, and then turned back to her man and started giving him shit about provoking the DM. From the sounds of it, there were threats of him sleeping on the couch if her beloved pally bit it tonight.

Meanwhile, concerned, I walked over into the bedroom, where, to my surprise, I found Monika gasping and quietly sobbing on the bed. I quietly closed the door behind me and lightly turned on the dimmer lamp next to the clock.

"Hey," I said, sitting down next to her and gently running a hand through her hair. "You okay? Talk to me." In response, she practically lunged at me and fiercely wrapped herself around me.

Monika was quiet for a minute, and then started choking out words, her face still buried in my shoulder, slowly soaking it with her eyes. "It's all so much, Jack... This world, this place, these people, it's all real, and it's so much. You have... actual friends, who love you. They care about you. I can tell. You can call them over to hang out. You can laugh about new things with them. There's so much to this place. It's overwhelming, Jack. I'm so happy, but... it's so much. And I don't have any of it. There's nothing attaching me here, and yet. This is all so new to me. I felt like I could see it, but never touch it, but now I'm here and I get to feel it and you're going out of your way to include me in everything and make me things and teach me things and show me to your friends and  _your friends just met me and they're already so nice to me and on top of that there's just **you**  and  **everything about you** and I'm just..._"

She stopped and caught her breath.

"I'm being really stupid, aren't I? I should be happy, this should be the happiest moment of my life, but..."

On instinct, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I always felt like I was never good at these things, but I tried to say something anyway. "No. You're not being stupid. You're right. This really is a lot to take in. But for what it's worth, believe me, it's absolutely nothing, easing you into everything. It's as wonderful for me, getting to show you all of this, as it is for you. And my friends are always like this. Lia's an absolute angel. Andrew's a dick, but he's the good kind. Y'know. They're always good people. But if you need to slow down, I understand. You can stay in here and I'll log you back into the laptop and you can wait out the night in here if you want. I can even bring my keyboard and some headphones in here if you want to practice piano a little bit. They'll understand, even if I have to tie Lia to a chair so she doesn't come in and smother you herself because God knows she would want to, and so will I. Take a break if you have to. Come out and join us at your own pace, Monika. You've got a whole lifetime ahead of you, okay? Don't push yourself too hard. You don't have to be full-on club president extrovert  _all_ the time."

Monika looked up at me and sniffled some – God, seeing her eyes glistening like that almost made  _me_ break down- before pulling herself up and kissing me on the cheek. "I'd like that. I just need a little time to collect myself and then I'll be back out. Give me a half an hour, okay? I promise."

"Of course, lovely," I said, rubbing her back gently. "I'll go get you the keyboard, because I  _know_ I saw you perk up at that. Can't resist a piano, huh?" She shook her head and smiled a little bit; I flashed a grin back. I pulled her back in and hugged her before getting up and heading for the door. "Take your time. I'll bring the keyboard and then I'll see you later tonight. And hey. I love you."

Again, her normally strong, confident voice was barely a whisper. "I don't know what I did to deserve this, but... thank you. So much. I love you too."

_##################################################  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, maybe I lied slightly. But in my defense, being realistic about your emotions, how would you handle it in her shoes? Her brain's gotta be fifty shades of fucked right about now. She's gotta take the happy with the sad, ya know? Next time, on A Little Bit of Monika: Monika nerds the hell out and discovers her true calling.
> 
> Also, observant readers here may have noticed me doing a thing that was not okay.


	3. Critical Success

_##################################################_

_Saturday, December 30_   
_Jack_

After seeing to Monika, I encouraged Andrew and Lia to dig in on the pizza while I put the last touches on the map. I tried to fill in the shading like Monika had, but, honestly, she was out of my league on that count. I felt a little bit of pride at that, actually. It definitely was way better than my usual fare.

Andy stared intently at the map, with a look in his eye that I'd long since associated with gears spinning in his brain.

"She okay, dude? Everything alright?" he said after a moment.

"She will be. Don't worry too much about it, Monika's just a little overwhelmed. First time meeting you guys and all. She'll be out in a bit." I paused in thought for a second. "Buuuut, speaking of her, I did have a proposition for you two."

"Yeah?" Lia asked.

"I'm mostly gonna be focused on DMing and stuff. See if you can figure out how interested she is, and if she is, give her some pointers if she asks about things, and maybe make sure you get some ideas in her head about stuff she could play. And if she's  _really_  into it, I have an idea..."

Andy and Lia both sported wicked grins between bites of pizza as I explained.

A couple minutes later, the rest of our buddies filtered in. The first was Tsuki, a tiny Japanese girl playing a Gunslinger/Rogue multiclass. She was a little quiet and barely ever drew attention to herself, which, really, I was fairly sure was just a facade to let her get away with being a goddamned powergamer. Not that I minded too much, because she was at least the good kind that knows their limits and turns in their character sheet last after they know what the rest of the party's playing, but her characters tended to be a lot stronger than you'd expect for their classes – which was probably why I'd never once seen her playing a tier 1 caster. About a minute later, in waltzed her polar opposite, Shaheed, a full-on college jock with almost zero concept of optimization, repping the Psychic Warrior. He really did play his character exactly like his personality: straightforward, loud, and guileless, with all the subtlety of a battleship... but smart as a whip. And with him was his older brother Louis, the Cleric of Desna. Out of game, he was a lot like his kid brother. Once the dice started rolling, though, he submerged almost  _scarily_  into character – a passionate but extremely careful and meticulous plotter who pretty much immediately took charge and made sure nobody but the baddies died on his watch. Louis' devotion to his character had a disturbing tendency to rake in bonus roleplay XP for sheer  _awesome_ , to the point that if everyone else hadn't picked up their game and followed his example since he'd joined, he'd probably have two levels on everyone.

The crew helped themselves to some  _el primo_ oven pizza, cheese balls, and soda (not everyone in the group was over 21, so, even though it wasn't likely to happen, I really didn't feel like having to convince a cop that nobody'd gotten any booze that shouldn't, ergo, no booze  _period_ ). All involved took their usual spots around the table in the middle of the kitchen, broke out the dice and character sheets, and then noticed there was an actual map today – granted, most of it was covered up – and dutifully fished out their minis. Tsuki pulled out her iPod speakers, too, and handed them to me; it'd become something of a tradition for somebody to hook in their music and play something quiet in the background for atmosphere, and it was my turn this week. The rules were "no complaining," so I just threw down some quiet Billy Joel and let it go.

"'Ay, fam, what's the occasion?" Shaheed asked, after everyone'd gotten their crap out and ready. "We got a real map!"

"Yeah, dude, we all gonna die today like you keep threatening or what?" his big brother cracked at me.

"I expect today's game to be a little tamer than that, unless y'all do something stupid. So, you're all gonna die, yeah. No, but it's nothing special happening, I just had some help today."

"Oh yeah?" Louis asked, curious, leaning back and crossing his arms.

"Yeah, my girlfriend helped... or, well, really, did everything except the linework. Some good shit, eh?"

A brief moment of stunned silence as Andrew and Lia threw a knowing glance at each other, followed by a cacophany of whistles and raucous laughs. Louis was the first to actually say anything, though. "My guy. I never thought I'd see the day! How much did it cost?" Shaheed smacked him on the back so hard he almost fell off his chair before shooting back, "Yo, more than your broke ass can afford, I bet!" I ignored both of them.

Tsuki, for her part, had been studying the table through the conversation, and finally made her voice heard. "Jack, your girlfriend is exceptionally talented. I'm impressed. Where is she at the moment?"

"First off, I agree, this  _is_  some  _good shit_. Second, I think she's back in the bedroom freshening up. She should be out soon, I think," Lia answered for me.

And speak of the devil ( _or "angel," my sappy-ass mind cut in_ ), I noticed the door crack open and Monika quietly and gingerly stepped out into the big room. "Oh, hey! You're out quick! Welcome back" I greeted her, as warmly as I could manage. "Lads and not-lads, this be Monika, my lovely lovely girlfriend. And Monika," I paused and pointed to them in turn, "meet Shaheed, Louis, and Tskui. The first two are a couple of idiot brothers from two floors up that I play pickup football with sometimes, and Tsuki's one of Lia's classmates from, wow, all the way back in freshman year, I think, right? I think she's on the second floor right now. I've known all of these people for years. They're all great, even if the Brothers Dumbass still haven't figured out how to shut the  _fuck_ up yet."

"'Ay, why you gotta hate like that, man?" both of them protested simultaneously.

"Don't even  _try_ and pretend you don't love it," I fired back. "Anyway, grab some pizza if you're still hungry, pull up a chair, I think Andy and Lia left you some space. Ask them shit when you get curious. Good on you two, you get to pick the music next week." I waited for her to get situated and shake hands with everyone before I continued. "Enough fucking around, I wanna get this game going quick today, we're already starting late. So, where'd we leave off last week? I forget, did y'all do anything after you talked to..."

##################################################

Monika was a fast learner, I was quickly realizing. She'd been inquisitively asking questions all night, and paying close attention to everything. It helped that I'd thrown her my laptop with all my Pathfinder PDFs on it, and the System Reference Document bookmarked, so she had all the books and materials to look at.

##################################################

"So, when you cast a spell, you scratch it off your list? That doesn't make a lot of sense," she whispered in Andrew's ear at one point. She'd waited until Andy wasn't being directly addressed and I was handling Tsuki off on one of her pilfering side adventures.

"It sort of does. A wizard memorizes a set of magic words and gestures in the morning and when he casts the spell, it all leaves his head. It's a little complicated and non-intuitive, I guess, but it's worth it, because if you play a wizard right, and the DM doesn't start throwing books at your head for playing it  _too_  right, they can be stronger than just about anything else. So I guess you could say it's balanced by being harder to play."

"Sooo I should probably not be a wizard then. Okay."

"I mean, if you want, nothing's stopping you, but probably not."

##################################################

"Hey, Lia," Monika said, leaning over to her. "What's the deal with paladins, exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... I get that they're these holy warriors and all that, but what's the point of them? You don't have a lot of skills, so you seem pretty hard-pressed to get any use out of your character unless you're trying to convince somebody."

Lia chuckled a little at that. "Just wait until we get into a fight. I make the whole party stronger just by being around them, as in they're harder to frighten or control, I can heal my friends too, and I can pick one evil guy and  _smite_ him and do a shitload of damage. That's what paladins are for. We  _kick ass_ in the name of good... and law... and stuff."

"Being good in a fight sounds good, but I don't think I could stand not being relevant outside of it, you know?" Monika looked skeptical.

"Then play something with more skill points to work with. I feel the pain of not having them sometimes, but, eh. There's something about just being able to cut loose and fuck some baddies up."

##################################################

"Andrew, what's the difference between what you're doing and what Shaheed's... psychic soldier?"

"Psychic warrior," he gently corrected.

"Psychic warrior. What's the difference between his spells and yours? Because I noticed he casts spells too, but the way he does it isn't the same."

Patiently, Andy explained. "Yeah. You remember how I said I memorize spells at the start of the day and then spend them? That's called a  _prepared caster_. Louis' cleric is the same way. But Shaheed is a  _spontaneous caster_. He has a list of spells he knows – well, they're called powers, actually – and he gets to pick any powers he wants off that list and cast them until he's out of raw power to do it, instead of having slots to spend. He doesn't get to know as many as a prepared caster, though – we can learn as many as we want – but he gets to be more flexible with the ones he knows."

"I think I like that better. I don't know, it just makes more sense to me," Monika replied.

_##################################################_

About two hours into the game, right in the middle of a combat, Lia's phone went off. She looked down, then looked back up, visibly upset. "Guys, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go. My mom's stopping by tonight and I totally forgot about it and I can't just blow her off. Shit. I'll be back as soon as I can, but if I'm not back before the game ends, Andy, could you take my stuff back with you? Actually, play my character too while I'm out. If she dies I'm gonna kill you."

Naturally, I was pretty upsetti at this turn of events, but life is life.

Lia got up and left, and then Andrew got a queer look in his eye and gazed over at Monika.

"Hey, you sounded like you're really into it. You wanna take over for her?"

"I... uh... ah... what?" Monika sputtered.

"You heard me! Play her character for her if you want! Wizards are a little complicated to run anyway, so you'd be doing me a favor!"

"Uhhhhhh..." she looked around for opinions and/or help.

"Go ahead, Monika!" I urged, gently. "I heard you asking all those questions. You oughta get in on it! It'd be fun!"

"Yeah, girl, go for it!" Shaheed cheered, practically bouncing in his seat. "You can't be worse than this dope-"he said, pointing to his brother "-was on his first day. It's not that bad, really."

"I dunno... what if she... you know... dies?" she demurred.

"Not that she'll actually be that mad about it, but I'll take the blame for it," Andy replied.

Tskui's quiet voice piped up from the back. "I would vouch for that."

"Wellllllllllllll... alright!~" Monika decided, with a sudden, peppy cheeriness I wasn't expecting.

_##################################################_

Monika, to nobody's surprise, took to it like a fish to water. Everyone went out of their way to answer any immediate questions she had, to the point that I never got to get anything in edgewise. Happily, she didn't look even remotely worried once she got into it. The game was obviously a pretty good distraction for her. Which, admittedly, was part of the reason I was so keen on getting her involved.

Anyway, she even got really into character, maybe even a bit more seriously than Lia usually did, based on what she'd seen. Monika was having a blast... and so was I. Seeing her come out of the shell she'd partially retreated into was downright heartwarming. My girl was all smiles tonight.

And then the night's boss encounter happened at the end of the dungeon. Everyone was exhausted, a little scratched up, and running low on spells (well, except for the rogue, obviously), and not expecting to run into a drow full caster and her minions at the end. Archers herded the pally, the cleric, and the psywarrior into a corner behind cover, and then the mage hit them all with Black Tentacles and removed the latter two from the fight, though Monika's paladin managed to make her save thanks to Divine Grace; paladins usually have bonkers charisma, and getting to add that to saves was just dumb if you were trying to kill one. "Shit!" Louis yelled. "I already dropped my Freedom of Movement for the day. You dick, Jack, you baited it out earlier with those webs!" All he got in return was an evil grin from me.

It was all Tsuki's gunslinger/rogue could do to just shoot back and keep the archers pinned down, and in return the boss was free to pelt the group with spells from behind a Wind Wall and a burly polearm-wielding undead.

Monika's turn rolled around, and she just looked over at Andrew with the most intense look in her eyes that I'd ever seen. "Andrew. Do you still have Enlarge Person?"

"Uhh... yeah, I've still got one."

"Jack, can I go after him? Can I do that?"

As is typical of wizards, Andrew was first on the initiative order, and Monika's slow-ass paladin was last, meaning his turn came immediately after hers, which I told her. "Yeah, since he goes right after you, you can hold your turn."

"Okay, good. Andrew, do it."

"Do I not get a choice in this?

"No," she replied shortly.

"Um, alright, I caste Enlarge Person on Monika and then back up as a move action, I guess."

"Alright! Jack. Swift action, smite evil on that witch! Full action, charge!" Monika half-shouted.

"There's a skeleton with a polearm in the way, though," Tsuki pointed out.

Monika mulled that over for a second. "Um. Um. Um. Can I just slam into him and shove him out of my way maybe?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, "rule of cool, I'll allow it. He gets an attack of opportunity against you... which missed, I know your AC," I said, rolling a d20 behind my screen. "Make a strength check against mine." The sound of more rolling dice and bated breath. The skeleton's strength score wasn't that high, but I rolled a total 19 anyway. With her strength of 20, she needed to roll a 15 or better. Unfortunately, she rolled a 14, leading to a tie, which the skeleton won. Monika sighed, disappointed.

And then Andrew opened his mouth. "Good news, everyone!" he imitated. "I forgot about this, but Enlarge Person gives a +2 bonus to strength! Monika's strength is actually 22, which means she wins the opposed check. Begone, thot!"

"Very well then. Monika, you pick up the skeleton by a rib with one of your giant hands and toss it out of the way like a ragdoll without breaking your stride. However, seeing this, the wizard does something... Anybody with Spellcraft, feel free to make a roll to see what it is."

I'm pretty sure Monika would have hugged him if she hadn't immediately returned to her original focus of deleting the enemy caster from existence.

This is the part where I mention that I'm a bit of an asshole, and I'm not above plucking spells from Third Edition to use against my players when I want to. This is also the part where I mention that this wizard was packing perhaps the single most broken spell – for the purposes of normal play, anyway – in all of Third Edition: Celerity. This little beauty of a spell lets a caster sacrifice their next turn to take an action – such as casting a more immediately useful spell –  _right now_ no matter whose turn it is.

Andy and Louis both passed. "You  _monumental bastard!_ " Louis said simply. "For real," Andrew added. "Hey," I shot back, "you know I don't play fair. And now the wizard casts another spell... more spellcraft checks please... yep, it's Resilient Sphere."

"Hold on, what?" Monika said, a little stunned.

"The bad guy cast a spell that lets her take an action right then, and she's now casting Resilient Sphere at you. I need you to make a reflex save, or else you're gonna be trapped inside and out of the fight, and therefore probably dead, unless somebody else can chuck a dispel at it."

"Oh. That's, uh, not super fair, is it?"

"Welcome to high-power casters, babe. Spells are OP." I paused. "...Shit. I did it again, didn't I?"

"Hah, I'll make that up to you later, Jack. Unless you kill me...~" she said, sweetly, beaming at me.

"Awww!" Tsuki squealed. "New couples are so cute!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and make your roll," I said. "Target's 21. Shouldn't be too hard, what with having Divine Grace going for you."

She grinned at me and dropped the d20, coming up an 8, enough to beat the save.

"The wizard swears at you in Undercommon. Make your attack roll and swing that giant earthbreaker at her face, or wherever."

"Uhhhhhhh..." she said, suddenly not looking so pleased with herself. "2. I don't know what that comes out to, but I don't think it's enough."

"No. No it is not," I replied. And then that  _fuckboy_ Andrew leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes lit up, and she looked back at me with a triumphant grin.

"I'm spending a Hero Point. I'll reroll that, please~" she said, and did just that.

.The d20 clattered on the table.

"I call bullshit. Not that I'm objectin' or anything, but bullshit." Shaheed said. Everyone else cheered.

My face impacted my palm at speeds exceeding Warp 9.95. "Roll to confirm that  _fucking natural twenty._ "

"Okayyy!" she lilted and rolled. "Is a 15 enough?"

I did some mental math. "Yes. Yes it is," I groaned. "Roll damage on that motherfucker. Tripled, because your giant hammer has a three times crit multiplier, and don't forget your smite."

A very large number came out of about a minute's worth of rolling and conferring and calculation. I compared it to a number behind my screen, and came to a grim conclusion: she'd just one-shotted my boss.

I relayed the news to my four players and one very excited girlfriend.

" _Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!_   _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SUCK IT!**_ "

And then she flipped the table.

##################################################

"Good session tonight, guys!" I said, as everyone piled out the apartment with all their salvageable gear and Monika, her hair now tied way up, busied herself with a mop from the closet.

"Yeah, for real, man," Louis said over his shoulder as he walked out.

"Oh, and Andy, tell Lia I said thanks for taking one for the team!"

"Hell yeah! You owe her one though!" he replied, before turning to Monika. "Good meeting ya, Monika! Lia says hi too! You keep that boy straight 'til next week."

She looked up from cleaning up the God-awful mess she'd made of my kitchen. "Ahahaha, I'll try! Sorry about your character sheets..."

"Don't worry about them," I told her. "I make sure everyone's got them on their computers so they can just print one off if they need to."

The door to the apartment closed behind Andrew as he left, leaving the two of us alone. "Want some help with that?" I said, grabbing a roll of paper towels.

"Yeah... ahhhhh, sorry about that..."

"No, no, no, no. I mean, don't do that again, but you looked so damn happy doing it I can't be mad at you! You fit in really well with everybody." I got down on my knees and started picking up Coke-soaked cheese balls.

"Do you think so?"

"Oh, heavens, yes, Monika, they loved you! Didn't you hear them cheering when you critted that chick? They were really into it. Just, uh... not as much as you were, apparently."

"Gee, thanks,  _babe._ " She grinned at me.

It took another ten minutes of scrubbing to get the sticky bits off of everything, then put the pizza away, by which point both of us were dead tired, so we crashed on the couch, exhausted. The two of us leaned against each other and enjoyed the moment of relaxation.

"Hey, where are you planning on sleeping tonight?" I asked her.

"Hmm?"she mumbled.

"You taking the couch?"

"...ehehe, I wasn't planning on it, unless you want me to for some reason?"

"Well..." I paused for a moment. "I didn't want to push you or, like,  _assume_ that you wanted to share a bed already or anything, you know? We may know each other better than somebody'd think, but it  _is_ still early. Not that I'd mind or anything, just. You know."

"You're such a gentleman. A girl really  _could_ get used to this!" Monika giggled, and leaned up and kissed my cheek. "But, even if I  _didn't_  wantto share, it's wayyy too cold for me to stay out here all night, don't you agree?"

"Well, I'm sure not gonna say no to a cutie like you wanting to climb in next to me. Tell you what, you hit the bathroom and do your whole pre-bed routine, and I'll see if I can rustle up a pillow or two for you to use. If you need something to wear, I've got shirts in the top drawer of the dresser. That reminds me, actually..."

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go shopping tomorrow? We need to get you some actual, you know,  _stuff_ of your own. Not that I mind you mooching off of me or anything, but I'm sure you want your own."

She smirked at me. "You're just offering so you can get me into some lingerie, aren't you?~"

I chuckled. "Nah. Again, not that I'd say no..."

"I would hope you wouldn't! Anyway, I'd be happy to. To tell you the truth, I don't really  _know_ what shopping is like. It's one of those things that I  _know about_ as... like... a backstory kind of thing, but I can't say I could describe it to you. More new experiences for me, huh?" Monika smiled.

"That's part of it. Plus, I really do wanna buy you shit." I yawned. "We really do need to get some sleep, though..."

"Yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes."

##################################################

Two showers and tooth brushings later, Monika and I were curled up next to each other under two heavy comforters. Again, I might be biased as hell, but her next to me might have been the most beautiful thing on the planet. Even if her  _excessive_ hair kept getting in my mouth. Really, it was totally worth it. It might have been new, but l felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Hey, Monika?"

"Yeah?"

"You had a good time today, right?"

"Goodness, yes. I can't wait until next week. You'll help me make a character of my own, right?"

"Of course. I'm really happy it worked out for you, though. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right. I always wanted to make you happy, you know? This really is as much of a dream for me as it is for you. Ugh. God, I love you."

She pushed herself up tighter against me and, I think involuntarily, cooed softly, before whispering a gentle  _"I love you too_." I did just about the only I could think of and kissed her forehead, and that's the last thing I remember before conking the  _hell_ out.

##################################################

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really,  really  hope this lives up to expectations. This took me a while just because I wanted to not be overbearing with the D&D stuff, while at the same time getting to explore Monika's reaction to new stuff. Also, giving all the friends characterization without having them outshine Monika wasn't easy either. In any case, this isn't a D&D fic, this is a Monika fic; I just thought it'd be a neat way to get her to interact with people in an intimate and creative setting. Kiiiinda like a literature club! Anyway, keep the reviews up! I eat that crap up, it's what I live for at this point. I understand why you other fic writers out there are so big on getting them now, to be honest. I'm overwhelmed and overjoyed at the response I've gotten.  P.S.: Just Monika.


	4. Retail Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A funny but noteworthy little aside – there's at least one piece of canon that, after discussion with friends who agreed with me, I will absolutely be ignoring for this story. Apparently, the canon height of Yuri is 5'5 (165cm in non-freedom units), which makes Monika about 5'3/160, Sayori about 5'1/154, and Natsuki 4'11/149. This is blatant lies. Yuri is also canonically abnormally tall, which to me means somewhere in the range of 5'9-5'11/174-180, making Monika about 5'7/170 or 5'8/172, Sayori 5'3/160, and Natsuki 5' even/154. For reference, protag is 5'11/180cm. And while the story is supposedly based in something approximating Japan, you and I both know that it's pretty damn ambiguous. It is known. So say we all.
> 
> Also, please! Keep those reviews coming! It's like food for a starving man, let me tell you! I read them all and I love each and every one of you. :)

_##################################################_

_Sunday, December 31_

_Monika_

An alarm blared next to my face, jolting me awake from the wonderful dream I'd been having.  _Back to the real world, I guess. Sigh._  Something was wrong that I couldn't place, but my brain refused to cooperate without either outside prompting or coffee. Fun fact: I might be a bit addicted to coffee. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, I don't know why, but even someone as peppy as me needs a little bit of a boost in the mornings to get there. It doesn't come that naturally.

I opened my eyes, and my mind got the stimulus it needed. First, I was in a bed that I didn't immediately recognize. Second, I was in an unfamiliar room. Third, it was way colder than I like in the room. Fourth, there was an unaccounted-for-warmth right in front of and, come to think of it, all around me, accompanied by the feeling of skin against my cheek and arms. I panicked for a moment and nearly jumped out of bed before my eyes took in the figure I was all wrapped up with and my head – grudgingly – managed to put the puzzle together.

A feeling of warmth and awe and  _love_ came over me as I realized that I hadn't been dreaming at all. That was all real? I could hardly believe it, but the truth was staring me in the face. Or at least snoring loudly right next to me, through a wad of my hair that had gotten jammed in his mouth overnight.  _Geez, the things they don't tell you about sleeping with somebody. Also, now that I think about it, my arm's asleep._

I remembered right then that we had some kind of plans for the day, and seeing how the alarm, which had shut itself off by now, hadn't gotten Jack up, I figured I would do it myself. I gently pulled away to get my hair free, and then, because I may be the worst romantic in the world, leaned back in and kissed the still-snoring big guy. Sure enough, that was enough to get him awake. It was enough to wake me the whole way up too, because I hadn't realized until then that morning breath was a thing.  _Oh well. Worth it!_

"Good morning, my love~," I said, running a hand along his arm to accentuate my point. He took me in for a moment, then, clearly very sleepy himself, he half-groaned out a nonetheless heartfelt "'Morning, beautiful," before reaching out a hand and stroking my hair. "God, you're amazing," he said. "A guy could get used to  _this_  every day."

It's like I could  _feel_ my heart melting in my chest.  _This is mine forever. No game can ever keep me from this again. This is what I've been missing out on and longing for for as long as I can remember, and now it's my life._ I could feel myself about ready to cry again, and really didn't want to, so I started talking. While this man was still slowly running his hands over me and playing with my hair.  _Dammit, but this is nice_. "So I remember we had plans today, Jack, but I don't remember what…."

"Oh, yeah," he answered me, more awake now and with an audible sense of purpose, "we're going shopping. Gonna get you everything you need in one go if we can. Come on, we need to get ready. It's New Year's Eve, so the stores are all gonna be packed, so the faster we get moving, the better. That means we're just going to have to grab something fast on the way for breakfast, by the way."

"Hey, your world, your plans," I said. "Got anything I can wear?"

"Honestly, no, just because I'm way bigger than you. Just wear yesterday's stuff until we can buy you some real clothes. We'll do that first, okay?"

We got up and ready in one serious hurry, before heading out to his car and taking off. The car could not warm up fast enough. Jack'd given me his coat, which I felt kinda bad about, but even with it, it was still absolutely freezing outside. "Why on earth do you live here?"

"Because it's where I was born, first off. Second, I actually like it here. Sure, it can get bitter cold in the winter, and it can get too hot in the summer, but most of the year is a nice happy medium, and I don't mind the cold anyway. New England is a good place to live. Well, okay, technically, we're in the Mid-Atlantic, but we're far enough north that I always think of myself as a New Englander anyway. Third, I work here for the state. I can't exactly move out easy."

"Bleh. It's still way too cold for me."

"Chill, babe. Or. Well. Try not to, actually." I laughed and tapped him on the arm lightly. "We'll get you a coat today."

Mercifully, Jack said, the city had finished getting the roads clear in this part of town overnight, so it wasn't too bad of drive, even if I was totally unfamiliar with what driving was actually like. After about fifteen minutes of driving through traffic, we turned up at a huge place called  _Burlington Coat Factory_. "I assume this is the store where we're getting me a coat, yes?"

"Yep. Coats are back this way. Follow me and then go nuts."

Ten minutes of browsing later, I'd come up with a beautiful white quilted parka for winter and a dark, really faded blue-grey button-down for fall that complemented my hair. Jack gaped a little when he got a look at me in them. He was really cute about it, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having that effect on him. I just smiled and winked at him. If he was like that now, then he was going to lose it when I got into some real outfits later. Especially with some of the nice things, surprises really, I had in mind….

We went up and paid. The clerk sounded like she knew Jack, actually, and asked about me while she was packaging up the fall coat. Again, I won't lie – I beamed a little every time he confirmed I was his girlfriend. It just felt so good, you know?

And then I actually looked at the receipt on the way out the door and saw I'd just spent well over a hundred dollars on just these two things.

"Jack. Don't we have a budget? You should have stopped me before I spent that much money…."

"Hmm? I mean, yeah, we technically do have a budget, but you're not likely to hit it. We're not poor, Monika. I know, the apartment doesn't look like much, but I live way below my means. I used to be really poor, so I'm really frugal about myself, and my hobbies are cheap, and my job pays good. We've got a lot saved up in the bank. Don't buy a twenty thousand dollar 8K TV outright without asking or anything crazy like that, but you can afford to go wild today."  
"I… okay. Are you sure?"  
"I promise, hon."

Ah! The warm-and-fuzzies just wouldn't stop coming today, and it wasn't just the lining of the coat I'd just gotten.  _We? Hon?_ My heart, my brain, and my stomach were all racing against each other. Speaking of which…

"Hey, Jack, I'm getting super hungry. Can we stop somewhere?"

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Duh! Me too, actually. How do you feel about pancakes?"

"Never had them, remember? Only thing I've ever  _actually_ eaten are cupcakes, plus last night's food, even though I  _know_ about other stuff. You're showing me everything. But sure, I'm down to try  _everything_ , ahahaha!~"

He gave me a bit of a weird look at that, then said, "IHOP it is! We are gonna fill you up with some quality American pancakes today."

Jack and I pulled into the restaurant, went inside, ordered drinks, by which I mean I didn't even think about it before getting a mug of coffee, and then had a good look at the menu. I couldn't  _believe_ the sheer variety of things you could eat. There really was so much there.  _And the whole world is like this?_  I took a moment to compose myself, before I lost control of my emotions again.

I think he noticed me struggling a little bit, because he picked that moment to strike up conversation again. "I'm curious about something," Jack said. "I know you're a vegetarian, but I'm not right now… I just like bacon too much, you know?" He laughed.

"Yes, I get that. I don't  _remember_ it being an easy transition. I think. Ah, just assume any time I say anything that it's based off of whatever I was programmed to know, okay?"

"Right, I get that. So I wanted to know, are you okay with  _me_ ordering meat when we're together? I know you're not veg for moral reasons, you're just an environmentalist… which, me too, but, you know, baby steps, but I just wanted to check."

I was more and more confirming my original suspicion I'd pulled a winner. Not that I wasn't already in love with the guy or anything, but that was just the foundation, weird foundation that it was. No, Jack was excellently building something on that foundation, even if, as I suspected, he had no idea what he was doing.  _Any girl would have been lucky_ , I thought,  _but he picked me! All these beautiful people around me, and he picked me when he could.…_ I felt my mind drifting in a dangerous direction there and abruptly forced myself back to the topic at hand.

"Yes, of course! I might pick on you a little, maybe try and get you to eat a little less, but I'm not going to get mad at you for getting that meat lovers' omelette I  _know_ you've been eyeing up, ahahaha!~ You do what makes you happy, okay?"

So  _that_ 's what visible relief looks like.

I looked back down at the menu and my head spun again. How the heck did anyone ever  _decide_ anything in this society with this many choices? Ah well. May as well play it up for cute points.

"So, Jack," I said, "would you terribly mind doing me a biiiig favor?"

He looked at me cautiously for a second. Clearly, he's recognized that I'm dangerous when I'm being cute. Smart man. "What's that, dear?"

"This menu is too big. How's a poor overwhelmed girl to make up her mind?"

"Oh my God, Monika," he groaned. I just giggled at him.

"Are you actually asking me to pick something for you?"

"Yes. Yes, I am." I smiled sweetly.  
"You are actually the worst. Okay. You know what I always wanted to try here, but never did because I just like their omelettes too much? They've got these New York cheesecake  _pancakes…_."

"You had me at cheesecake."

A few minutes of playful banter later and our food came out, and… I can't put into words how  _good_ this stuff was. I felt myself starting to get overwhelmed by this world again. Luckily, it's literally impossible to be upset when you're scarfing down cheesecake like you've never had it before, which, in my defense, I  _hadn't_. Jack, of course, just smiled and chuckled at me when he saw it. I can't say I blame him.

After we polished up breakfast, he took me to our next store. This one was a bit of a surprise for me. I assumed that today's shopping would be all necessities, but this was different; this one said  _Verizon_ ,and was a lot smaller than the Burlington Coat Factory was _._ Jack opened the door for me and led me inside by the hand, and I just gaped. This boy was getting me a  _phone_. I may not have known much, but I knew this wasn't cheap. Especially since he made a beeline for what I'm pretty sure was the most expensive phone in the store. I tried to protest, but he just put a hand on my shoulder and assured me it wasn't a problem. And so I ended up walking out of the store the slightly-reluctant-but-also-awestruck owner of a brand new Note 8.

"You're spoiling me, you know. I'm not complaining, but I'm starting to feel guilty."

"Oh, I'm absolutely spoiling the crap out of you and I know it. But A., you deserve it, and B., seriously, I am the least spendy person of all time." Jack took a deep breath, like he was trying to decide how to phrase what was coming next. "Listen, I make 32 a year as a high-level clerk for the state, plus full state benefits,  _and I'm union_ so my job's pretty damn safe, and yet I live in a pretty shitty apartment in an iffy part of town with an old car with no dependents with cheap hobbies. I put most of my take home into savings. Believe me, that cash was going to rot in a savings account until the day I died probably otherwise. You're not going to bankrupt me with one day of shopping. I promise."

I won't lie, I felt a lot better.

"Now, we're off to get you some proper clothes. Not that you're not cute in my old stuff, but I  _know_ that's not how you like to dress. To TJ Maxx!"

...I liked the sound of that.

"Also, I thought of something while you were picking out coats and I totally forgot to do it until just now, but lemme get some good music going. I think you're gonna like this." Jack pulled out his phone, hooked it in, and queued up something.

_"How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean, by providence impoverished, in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?"_

He grinned at me. "I remember you talking about your love of rap…."

"This is… different from what I'm used to. Ahhh, but I like it. Wait. Is this a  _rap musical_?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. It's called  _Hamilton_. It's a dramatization of the life of one of the US's Founding Fathers by a guy from New York named Lin-Manuel Miranda. You would not  _believe_ how popular it got. Like, presidents and ambassadors and Supreme Court justices started showing up in the audiences."

"This is incredible…."

And then he started rapping, or singing, or whatever the heck it was, along.

 _Oh._ Oh.  _Goddammit, I love this boy._

_#############################################_

Predictably, this  _TJ Maxx_ was absolute paradise. I'm pretty sure I spent the better part of two hours in there picking out most of a complete wardrobe. Some good pants and sweaters for winter and rainy days, sure, but the main draw was for the rest of the year. I'd never been surrounded by so many beautiful dresses and skirts in my whole life, of all the styles and colors and patterns you could imagine. And the  _shoes_! Boots and heels and flats and slippers and everything for every occasion! I'm pretty sure I could have died happy in that store.

I let Jack help me pick them out and see me trying them on, too. When he wasn't just staring at me in what I can't really call anything but  _awe_ , which did  _wonders_ for my self-esteem by the way, he actually had pretty good taste. Although he did caution me to take it a bit slow, since this wasn't the only store we were going to. We grabbed a quick bite to eat for lunch at some fast food place – you'd be surprised how good those salads can be, actually – and then moved on.

Anyway, he wasn't wrong about the next store. The next place Jack and I hit was called  _Target_ , which he told me was for general goods and clothes. Sure enough, I got a good set of things, especially shirts and underwear and some flattering jeans, to finish out my full set of clothing, plus a dresser to put it all in, and all the other stuff a girl needs. Oh, and makeup and hair care. Not that I was vain or anything, or at least I like to think I'm not, but I was going to die – probably strangled by my own hair – if I had to go another day without beauty supplies.

And good coffee! Listen, one of Jack's biggest flaws in my book is that he is  _not_ a coffee drinker. He occasionally gets himself a mug in the mornings, but he puts so much cream and sugar in it that it's not recognizably coffee any more, which means that it doesn't matter  _which_ coffee it's based on, and he knows it. So, the stuff we had was all cheap and frankly pretty crappy, and I wasn't going to stand for it. I demanded that we fix that immediately.

Jack grabbed some more things for the apartment, too. More pillows and towels, a couple of weird plastic guitars and drums and stuff (he said something about  _"Rock Band"_ but I didn't quite get it), an armful of what I noticed were all vegetarian snacks and foods (!), a bunch of plates and tableware and cookware, that sort of thing. "The kinda stuff that you never needed, or, hell, even  _knew_ you needed, when you're just in a bachelor place by yourself, but when you've got a roommate or a family to deal with, you realize you  _really_ need it," he explained to me.

I could definitely see that. When I was, ah, making myself at home in his place the morning before, the cupboards were surprisingly bare. Like, a step above "I just wash off one cup and one plate and one pot and one spoon every meal and call it good enough" bare. It really was like Jack became an entirely different man when I showed up.

You know, I'm still not sure just what it was that I fell out into the day before, but I get the feeling I got  _pretty damn lucky_ all things considered. And, honestly? I could tell he felt the same way. This was the sort of thing I'd dreamed about for so long stuck in that God-forsaken computer. And... I had a whole new life like this ahead of me; to be perfect straight with you all, it really shouldn't be a surprise that I got emotional about it pretty often, ahaha.

And then,  _and then_ , Jack took me to the last store on our list. I hadn't been entirely sure what it was, but I honestly felt a little ashamed to ask. I was, however, surprised when he handed me his card and told me to go in and get absolutely whatever I wanted, cost be damned, and then to text him when I was done. He said he didn't want to spoil the surprise for either of us, whatever that meant. And so I walked into  _Victoria's Secret_ totally unprepared for what I saw. The skirts and dresses at TJ Maxx may have been a frilly paradise, but, man, this place….

As Jack would have said,  _I went nuts._ I mean, my goodness… s _o much lace_!

A whole hour later, I'd assembled a massive hoard of absolutely  _wonderful_ pickups. I'd never felt so…  _feminine_ in my  _life_. The bill was obscene, of course, but I didn't even slightly care. This was all so, so very worth it. And the best part was that I may have pretended to forget what he said about not spoiling any surprises, and  _that_ was even  _more_ worth it. I couldn't help it, I felt so  _good_ looking in the mirror (even with those unrealistic-looking models hanging about). Yeah, let's just say that the high-definition camera in the phone that I'd heard the girl at the Verizon store talking about got a lot of very productive use in the changing room...~

Predictably, and very rewardingly, Jack showed up outside the store absolutely red in the face. I'd never seen anyone so obviously flustered in my life, and I'd seen  _Yuri_.

"Hey, babe?" he began.

"Yeeeesssssss?" I chirped back at him.

"Not that I'm complaining, but… you are the  _worst_. I was  _not_ expecting that. I almost hit somebody!  _And I was parked_!"

"Wellllll, you've been so good to me today, I just couldn't help myself, ahahaha..."

"...Monika?"

"Yeah?"

"You're perfect. I fucking love you. Don't ever change."

"Love you too~" I paused for a second. "So, what were you doing while I was in there..."

"Figuring out how to destroy my brain? Being a goddamned tease?" he cut in.

"Ahahaha! No, seriously, though. What did you get?"

"Oh, just a couple things for tonight. It's New Year's and all, there's just some traditional stuff."

"Alrighty then! Where to next?"

"Well, I think we're just about done shopping… I don't think we can jam much more in this thing, to be honest. And I don't think my wallet can take much more of this, either!" He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder, then continued, in a low, conspiratorial tone. "But I do have  _one_ idea, Monika…."

"And what's that?"

"You'll see!" he sing-songed at me.

_#############################################_

The sentimental goober actually did it. He  _actually_  took me to see a movie.

From what I could tell, he really,  _badly_ wanted to show me some movie called  _Star Wars: The Last Jedi_ , but since I hadn't seen any of the other ones yet, and it was apparently part of a series, he promised to take me back to see it after he'd showed me the others. So instead we saw some movie called  _The Post_ , which was a drama about some reporters for a newspaper called the Washington Post who went against the government to publish some secret documents. The acting was really, really good, and the story was engaging, and, kinda scarily, it was a true story, but honestly? It could have been absolutely any movie and I'd have still loved it. The important part was definitely getting to spend some good time relaxing with my love. I spent the whole time leaned up against him with an arm wrapped around. It was pretty distracting; it's a miracle I got to enjoy the movie.

By the time the movie let out, it was starting to get pretty late and I was definitely starting to feel it. Luckily for us, when we got back to the high rise, Andrew and Lia were waiting at the parking lot for us with a flatbed handtruck. Jack must have texted them (and probably somebody at the apartment or something, because a guy came up with a key and let us use the freight elevator). With their help, the four of us managed to get our  _huge_ haul for the day up to the apartment and offloaded, before they said their goodbyes and trudged back to their room for the night. Man, I really liked those two.

After we'd gotten the dresser set up and everything stored away, it was about eleven at night. I was dead tired, and Jack looked like he was about ready to keel over dead, but he insisted that we stay up until midnight. "I promise, everybody does something really special for New Year's. It's a tradition."

So, after grabbing some quick showers, the two of us grabbed a blanket and snuggled on the couch for a while. We talked a little, turned on the TV, but mainly it was just good to stay in each other's company for a bit. There's just something so relaxing about that with somebody you love, you know? Especially when the relationship's brand new and it doesn't feel like anything can stop you.

At five to midnight, Jack turned the TV to a station showing a place called Times Square in New York City, and got up and popped open what looked like a bottle of champagne. He poured himself a glass, and asked if I wanted any. I thought about it for a moment. Was I underage, for drinking purposes? Yes. Did I really care right then? I pondered that, and finally decided that no, it'd be okay to let go a little, so he brought me a glass too and settled back down, his head resting on my chest, my hands practically going to his hair of their own accord and gently running through it.

On the TV, a giant disco ball started falling towards the ground, fireworks shooting out everywhere on the screen. A huge crowd of people began chanting, counting down towards zero. It was… unfamiliar to me, and strange, but I started counting down with them. There was a palpable energy in the air, like I was part of something timeless and powerful. And when the ball touched the ground and the countdown hit zero, what sounded like millions of people all cried out "Happy new year!" and I was one of them. Or I would have been, if my love hadn't sat his glass of champagne down and caught me in a slow, passionate, tender kiss that seemed to last forever, before breaking away, getting out his glass, and clinking it against mine. "To old friends, and new lives. Happy new year, darling." Sentimental son of a gun, he was. For the millionth time today, I held back a tidal wave of emotions.

And then, sitting up and looking off out the window, he started to sing an accented song. Deeply. Softly.  _Beautifully._ Not with training, but with an obvious talent, something that, like the lyrics, sounded old and practiced.

_Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?_

_Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?_

_For auld lang syne, my jo, for auld lang syne!_

_We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet for auld lang syne!_

_And surely..._

Listening to him, the dam in my heart broke. Before I could stop myself, I was full-on sobbing, quietly at first, then louder and louder, as images of the  _auld_   _acquaintances_  of my own flooded into my head, unbidden.  _Yuri. Natsuki. Sayori._  I never let myself think about it, I tried to convince myself otherwise, but… I missed them so much. Even their stupid little quirks. Sayori's incessant sunshine and insatiable hunger. Yuri's impenetrable shell. Natsuki's attitude. I missed every last bit of it. Oh, God, I wished so badly right then that they could be here, experiencing all these wonders with me. All I could think about was how much each of them would have loved all of this in their own, special ways. No matter how much I lied to myself,  _I'd loved them_ ….

I didn't even realize it myself, but I'd buried myself in  _his_ chest, still trying and failing to hold back the flood. His arms wrapped around me, the warmest thing I'd ever felt in my life, as he just kept singing softly to me and stroking my hair, and I never wanted to be anywhere else ever again.

##################################################

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels train, stopping in at the station. I figured I'd try something new and write from her perspective for once. I really hope it didn't fall flat.


	5. Star Wars and other silly things

_Monday, January 1_ _st_ _(New Year’s Day)_

_Jack_

 

I woke up at the crack of dawn, about 7:30 or so, halfway-sitting up on my couch, more or less freezing my ass off. I tended to keep my whole apartment cold, but that was just because I _lived_ for the feeling of wrapping myself up like a burrito in a nice warm blanket, doubly so in a nice, comfy bed, and you can’t really do that in the heat. However, I was neither in my bed nor under a blanket on this frigid morning. No, the only thing even remotely keeping me warm was… well, what had rapidly become my favorite thing in the world. Monika had apparently fallen asleep on top of me, sitting in my lap, and was currently peacefully dozing with her head comfortably nestled over my shoulder.

I kinda had to get up and hit the bathroom, but. Y’know how most people can’t get themselves to get up when they’ve got a sleeping cat on them? Same deal here, but _much, much worse_. Monika looked so serene and beautiful with the sunlight drifting in, filtering through the curtains and making her – admittedly very messy – hair glow like 24-karat gold thread. I dared not even move a muscle. Only the most heartless of people could have brought themselves to rouse her from that. Of course… I loved her, don’t get me wrong, but I was still a little annoyed when she didn’t wake up for another solid hour. At least I got plenty of time to think.

And think I did; there was a lot to cover. Reality was setting in a bit today. I may not have had to go into work today, but I’d have to soon. Work meant getting paid, and getting paid meant bills and taxes, and how the hell was I going to account for having another person in my household for either? It occurred to me that I was going to have to find a way to make Monika an official member of my household – especially if I wanted to get her on my health insurance or, God forbid, I ever wanted to get engaged in the future – and given that she’d literally popped into existence out of nowhere, I hadn’t the slightest idea how _that_ was going to work. _Oh, yes, Mr. IRS person, I’ve got a person living with me with no evidence she ever existed, and yes, I’d like to claim her on my taxes and have her receive my benefits and maybe get some help getting student loans for college, but trust me, it’s all above-board!_

More immediately, I was worried about her personally. Straight-up, no getting around it, Monika was a blatant PTSD case. While I may have had a diagnosis or two of my own, I was no psychologist, and I was starting to think she might need one. I could do my best, as a loyal and devoted significant other, to try and support her, but I was beginning to come under the impression that professional help was in the cards. I had a good idea of what was likely behind a lot of it, of course. Part of it was almost certainly just a general sense of being overwhelmed, which would pass in time, but beyond that? My dear Monika was unquestionably traumatized by her experiences in the game, in ways I could speculate about but not even begin to imagine. But how would I _get_ her help for that? She’d be under threat of getting herself involuntarily committed if she tried telling a doctor what she’d been through, even if I vouched for it.

That was the reality, as of right now, but I’d be damned if I let it go like that. _I loved her, dammit._ With a sense of grim determination, the gears in my brain began grinding off all the rust and corrosion and cobwebs that’d built up over years of disuse, and it began working at breakneck speed coming up with ideas and thinking through it all from every angle imaginable.

I was broken from my reverie, however, by the gentle pressing of a mouth against my neck, followed by a beaming smile from a still-sleepy-looking girlfriend. I couldn’t help it, I was a total sap for this kind of thing. “Heya, angel,” I mumbled, looking down at her, before leaning down and kissing her lips. I heard and felt the breath catch in Monika’s throat as she held the kiss and wrapped herself tightly around me for a minute before almost _grudgingly_ sliding off of me, slowly half-whispering/half-groaning _“I love you_ _,”_ then tiredly and entirely predictably plodding over to the kitchen and fetching herself some of that new coffee from yesterday’s shopping spree.

Well, with her off of me finally, I realized with relief that I could at least go answer the call of nature. A man’s gotta have his priorities in line.

I came out a couple minutes later to see my girlfriend, half asleep, barely looking like a real person, heavily hunched over a _giant_ mug of coffee at the table, with no sign of sugar or creamer in sight. She was still wearing the clothes she’d put on for lounging last night: a set of comfy knee-length black yoga shorts and a muted pink tee. Monika’s hair wasn’t so much messy as a long, tangled, Chewbacca-like _mop_ attached to her head, and she was squinting narrowly at the sunlight coming in softly through the curtains; I wondered why she didn’t just get up and go to the other side of the table, and then I remembered a story I once read on Reddit about a naval officer who once ordered his entire ship to turn to get the sun out of his eyes in the morning rather than scoot over, and then I understood. She looked to be about as dead inside as I imagined that man did. _And I thought_ I _wasn’t a morning person._

As I stood there in the doorway from the bedroom, leaning against the wall, taking in the sight, I came to a sudden and very warm-and-fuzzy realization.

“ _God_ , you’re beautiful.”

It took about ten seconds for the words to register, by my estimation, before she slowly, _languidly_ turned towards me and gave a wan smile. “Thanks, babe,” Zombie!Monika muttered, before returning to the apparently urgent task of staring straight ahead.

 _Welp. Somebody’s gotta take charge of the situation, and she’s clearly out of commission._ I walked past her, rubbing her shoulder with one hand as I went, before cracking the fridge open and pulling out some eggs, butter, and cheese. Monika didn’t even look up as I started cooking, though by the time I slid a plate of nice, hot, cheesy scrambled eggs to her, she was at least alive enough to recognize their presence and start eating.

“Not a morning person, huh?”  
_“Nnnnnnnope.”_

 _“_ Well,” I chuckled, “better get used to it, because I wake up at half past seven every weekday for work starting tomorrow.”  
_“Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….”_ she groaned.

 

##################################################

  
“So, what are we gonna do today?” a much more human Monika asked me a half-hour later.

“Well, the community center’s open today, surprisingly enough, I know, and I hit the pool Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the afternoon to work out and do therapy exercises. ‘Cause my back’s a little fucked. Other than that, the day’s wide open! Whatever you want! Got any ideas?”

“Hmm. Ahh… oh! What about those Star Wars movies you were talking about? And then maybe, that Rock Band stuff, what’s that all about? And then we can get a nice dinner after your therapy...” She paused for a second and put her arms around me, a look of concern clearly painted on her features. “Speaking of which, what’s wrong, Jack?”

“Oh, that,” I said. “I was in a bad car accident when I was a kid and it messed up my back pretty bad, so I avoid heavy lifting when I can and I do some special exercises in the pool to keep the muscles strong. It doesn’t really hurt unless I’m doing something to set it off, I promise. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Monika thankfully looked a little relieved at that. And then started moving her arms around and smirked a little bit. “You know, if you’d like something a little more _hands-on_ than just exercises, I like to think I’m pretty good...”

“My God, don’t tempt me, woman! It’s only nine in the morning!” I felt myself blushing.

“Ahahaha, I can’t help it! You’re just so _cute_ when you’re flustered!~” She gave me a deliberately cutesy little peck.

“Don’t push me too hard or I’ll start fighting back, babe...”

“Why, Jack, that’s just what I’m hoping for!”

I just sighed, and then reached for my rack of DVD and Blu-Rays, popping one into my laptop, turning on the big-screen TV and connecting it to the laptop in the process.

“This, Monika, is cinematic history!” I announced, just in time for John Williams’ classic score to blare out accompanying the opening crawl as I plopped back down on the couch and put an arm around her.

_Episode IV, A NEW HOPE_

_It is a period of civil war..._

 

“Wait a second,” she whispered to me. “Episode 4? Why don’t we start with 1?”

“It’s better this way, trust me. This one came out first. We’ll do two a day, today’s 4 and 5, tomorrow’s 2 and 3, and Wednesday we’ll do 6. It’ll make sense when you see it. Trust me, this is the way to watch these.”

“What about 1?”

“Uh, I’ll explain later. _Shh._ Watch the movie, babe.”

 

##################################################

 

Watching Monika react to _Star Wars_ was almost as magical as seeing it for the first time myself. She unconsciously pulled a little tighter into me when the imposing Lord Vader showed up for the first time, and visibly stiffened when Uncle Ben wistfully told of Luke’s father and gaped in awe at the lightsaber and, later, the Force in action on the Millennium Falcon. Monika also sheepishly admitted that Han was pretty cute, a point which readily I conceded, _“...but you’re cuter~,”_ which… I wasn’t so sure about, but I was flattered anyway. She laughed her ass off especially at Han’s attempts at bluffing the stormtroopers in the detention block - “I think he rolled a 1 on his Bluff check there, Jack!” - and at Leia’s “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” and even noticed the infamous incident where one of the troopers banged their head on a door… and she screamed with Luke when Vader killed Ben.

“Enjoying the movie, hon?” I asked her during the lull immediately afterward.

“Goodness, yes. That was so sad, but… this is great! Now shush, you, I’m trying to pay attention....”

I ruffled her hair a little bit and went back to watching.

During the trench run sequence, Monika nearly fell off the couch sliding so far forward with rapt attention. It was adorable. And so were the cheers when Han came back and saved Luke’s ass, which only grew louder when she heard Uncle Ben’s voice talking to him. And when Luke managed to blow up the Death Star… she just straight-up hugged me when that happened.

“Sooooooo, can we watch the next one?” she asked me, practically bouncing in her seat.

“Yeah, of course! Uh, lemme get some popcorn though, I forgot about that.” I poured us a couple glasses of the previous night’s champagne while I was at it.

A few minutes later and Empire Strikes Back started playing. Her reactions were more or less the same, and just as precious, the whole way through, but of course easily the best part of it – and the one I’m sure all of you want to know about – was when she turned to me, just stared for a couple seconds, and demanded, “Holy crap, is that for real? _Seriously? No way!_ ” at The Big Reveal. Tears were shed at Han’s carbonite bath and the confession between him and Leia. And of course much popcorn was consumed.

“Alright, that’s enough Star Wars for one day. We’ll get burned out,” I said, as the credits rolled.

“Oh no no no no no, you can’t leave me at a cliffhanger like that!”

“Technically, I’m not. Luke _let go_ of the cliff there, remember?” I flashed my patented shit-eating grin at her.

Next thing I knew, I was on the floor from a playful but _surprisingly_ strong and unexpected shove from a huffing girlfriend. I couldn’t help it, I busted out laughing uncontrollably, literally rolling around. I grabbed onto her legs to stabilize myself, and then found myself in a somehow both much more and much less comfortable position when she came tumbling down right on top of me, with her chest landing directly on my face.

Between giggling fits, I managed to choke out, muffled by her shirt, “Oh my gosh, babe, are you okay?”

Monika laughed with me, and just slid her body down mine to get my head out of her chest. And then the laughing stopped when my head came into view as she gave me a bit of an odd look. Fortunately, after a couple seconds I was able to stop roaring myself… because Monika aggressively went straight for my lips, leaving me unable to say much of anything.

 _Oh. Oh, this is nice. This is_ really _nice._

Her hands started roaming all over me, hungrily, exploring every inch she could reach.

 _Oh._ Double _nice._

What else could I really do? I retaliated fully. Neither of us could get enough of the other right then. It was like all the sexual tension that had been slowly, imperceptibly building up the past few days exploded out of both of us to the forefront at once, drenching the room with it. It was magical. Aaaaaaand the moment was completely destroyed when one of us, I still don’t know who, knocked into the coffee table and dumped the glasses of champagne all over both of us – and by “all over both of us” I mean localized entirely in her hair.

“Shit!” Monika swore – was that the first time I’d heard her do that? - and stomped off to the bathroom to get the champagne out, while I just lay there catching my breath before getting up and doing my best to clean up. _Me too, Monika, me too._

While she was in the shower, I figured now was as good a time as any to get started on lunch. I’d never done vegetarian cooking before, but with the aid of a cookbook I’d nabbed the day before at Target, I figured it couldn’t be that bad. And, as it turned out, I was right! By the time Monika finally emerged from my – _our_ , I thought with a goofy grin – bedroom, there were vegetarian Philly cheesesteaks (made with big port o bell o s instead of beef) waiting for her. That definitely perked her up some. _Good._

“They good, hon?” I asked, as she dug in.

“Oh my God yes! Mmf. Thanks, Jack!” Monika managed to get out between ravenous bites.

I was a bit skeptical myself, because I am absolutely not a vegetarian and I _love_ me a good Philly, but, to tell the truth, it really wasn’t bad. Not the same as if you made them with actual beef or even minute steaks, but one could definitely get used to it.

 

##################################################

 

After we put lunch away, I broke out by far my favorite part of yesterday’s shopping expedition. Well, other than the Victoria’s Secret trip, anyway, but I wasn’t technically there for that.

“So, what exactly _is_ that stuff?” Monika asked, leaning into the room from the kitchen.

“This? This is _Rock Band_. It’s basically a game where you play music using plastic instruments and you’re playing for accuracy and high score. And for the fun of playing aaaaaallllll your favorite songs! With other people! You’re gonna love it.”

“Ahh, how does _that_ work?”

“You’ll see! Lucky us, I should still have all my old song DLCs for the first few Rock Bands from back when my mom and I used to play this stuff together, so there’s gonna be a _lot_. Here,” I said, firing the game up on the console and hooking in the guitar. “Watch me play for a little bit and you’ll get it, and then I’ll get you set up.”

Monika plopped down beside me on the couch and leaned into me. _I’m not sure whether that’s gonna make me play better or worse, but okay, I’m not complaining._ The warmth was certainly welcome, and I had a bit of a struggle with the warm-and-fuzzies because _man having her close was nice._

After some time spent finagling with the song exporting process for my older games, I queued up some nice Bon Jovi on Expert and… didn’t do as well as I hoped I would. New guitar. Not what I was used to. I missed my old Guitar Hero 2 X-Plorer, dammit!

But Monika was staring at the TV with rapt attention.

“That’s… amazing! And tons of people play this?”

“Yep!”

“I love this so much! You know how much I love getting people into poetry? Well, you could use this to get so many people into music….”

In response, I just motioned over to my old Martin acoustic guitar on its stand in the corner. “Why do you think _I_ got into playing a real instrument? Granted, I’m still a lot better at this than I am at playing the real thing, but… still.”

“I want to try!” Monika was genuinely and _visibly_ excited. I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for gravity she’d have been bouncing into the ceiling.

Just nodding, I handed the guitar over to her and reached for a controller and a microphone to get myself hooked up.

“Wait. You can _sing_ too?” The look on her face was just straight-up _awe_.

“Yeah, it’s really good too. Even I can do it,” I chuckled. “Honestly, I’d be giving you the mic if I thought you knew any of the words… I mean, I _know_ you can sing.”

“Hey, don’t put yourself down. I think I fell in love with your singing voice last night.”

I grinned wickedly at her. “Oh, so you just love me for my voice, is that it?”

“I...” she sputtered. “No! Of course not! I love everything!” Monika paused for a second, thoughtfully. “But it definitely helps!~”

“I’m _kidding_ , babe. ‘Sides, we’re even! I fell in love with yours too when you played me that song. Remember that? Voice of an _angel_ , I’m tellin’ ya. Full honesty? Singlehandedly ruined my _life_ from then ‘til the other night, in a good way. Couldn’t look at another girl the same way again.”

Monika’s eyes glistened for a moment as she visibly fought to hold it together, though she was definitely doing better today. “Jack, I don’t know what the _hell_ I did to deserve this, but thank you. So much. You’re the sweetest thing _ever_.” She leaned in to kiss me.

And failed tremendously, because she’d forgotten the huge guitar strapped to her. All she succeeded in doing was whacking me in the face with the thing’s head.

I just stood there and took it, before reaching out and rubbing her shoulder for a second while trying not to bust out laughing again. “Wow, they weren’t kidding, love _does_ hurt.”

“You just keep up those jokes, mister. You just keep it right up.”

“Hush, you love it,” I snarked back.

“Ahaha, maaaaaaaybe….~”  
“Anyway, let’s get this started… hmm. Bob Dylan maybe? Tangled Up in Blue is one of my favorite songs….”

 

##################################################

  
Several hours later, I’d come to the conclusion that Monika wasn’t _super_ great at the guitar. I made a mental note to order a Rock Band 3 keyboard for her to use with my old copy, plus some more instruments for compatibility’s sake, figuring she’d probably be a lot better at that. She did manage to start off on medium, though, which was better than I had, way back when.

Nonetheless, she was definitely enjoying herself. Monika seemed very much at home with music. Not a big surprise, really – poetry and music certainly aren’t very far removed from each other, after all. And she also seemed to be drawing a lot of enjoyment from how much fun _I_ was having with it. Once I got the hang of the new guitar, I started showing off. _Hard_ . I set the mic up on something and sang into it _while_ running through a song on guitar, and she ate that up like it was nobody’s business.

Lucky for me, because I was just having too damn much fun with her, Monika remembered our plans for the afternoon. “Hey, you probably oughta pack this stuff up if we want to make it to the pool.”

“Shit, you’re right. Okay. You don’t just have to sit there, by the way. You can totally hop in with me if you want. You bought a swimsuit yesterday, right?”

“Ahaha, yes! Yes, I did. I wasn’t _going_ to bring it, but since you seem to want to see me in it so badly....”

“...Monika, you’re gonna kill me. You are _actually_ going to kill me.”

She put her hands up to her cheeks in a mock pose of surprise. “Whaaaat? What did _I_ do? All I did was suggest that my _perfect_ _boyfriend_ might want to go swimming with me and see the _cute_ suit I picked out!~”

I just sighed. “...Get out of here and grab your suit and do me a favor and get some towels too, would you?”

“Sure thiiiing!” she sang as she bounced out of the room.

_God, she’s adorable._

 

##################################################

 

About a half-hour later, we pulled into the community center. I was definitely surprised that the place was open on New Year’s Day, but I sure wasn’t complaining. I hated missing my exercises just on principle; if I started to fall off the wagon, I tended to stay off, and that was bad news for my preferred state of pain-free living. I upgraded my membership to a couples’ pass – Monika beamed at me; she seemed very happy about anything that reminded her that we were officially a couple – and walked us back to the locker rooms.

I was not prepared for the sight that greeted me when she stepped out into the indoor pool space – which was thankfully very warm compared to the outside and fairly empty. Monika’s bikini was a pastel yellow two-piece affair, with white trim, adorned with white ribbons at her hips and between the cups. It looked absolutely perfect on her. And she… my God, her body was perfect. Not that I hadn’t gotten a decent look from the whole Victoria’s Secret affair, but this was the first time I’d seen her in person, and I just stopped functioning while my brain tried to process what was in front of me. She was definitely pretty athletic but still soft, her very slightly tanned skin perfectly complimented by her _perfect_ emerald green eyes, and her curves were… she was just _beautiful_. All those memes about her thighs definitely did not do her justice, and that’s all I’ll say about that. Monika was one-hundred percent _gorgeous_ _perfection_. I’m not gonna lie, I felt a little self-conscious right then, especially considering I was just standing there in the same old plain swim trunks I’d had for the past four years. Thankfully for my self-esteem, I realized that I definitely saw her eyeing _me_ up too, although I think I just about had a heart attack at the prospect.

Monika broke me out of my stupor by walking over to me and throwing her arms around me before dragging me off into the pool by the hand. I’m pretty sure I caught her winking at me, too, which just amplified the burning sensation in my cheeks. The water was nice and warm as I clambered down into the therapy pool.

“Now come on, Jack, you need to do your exercises. I wanna see what all you do.”

With a surprising amount of self-consciousness, I started my routine. Squats, leg extensions, nerve glides, core exercises, the works. My physical therapists had been very thorough with all the exercises I needed to do, and by this point I was doing them without thinking. Monika assessed me as I carried on, taking everything in, at a few points reaching over and making sure my core was straight. Recognizing some of them, she even started doing a few with me, and didn’t have any tolerance for me not doing them properly. Monika was counting my reps for me and was very strict about not counting ones that were even slightly off.

“Hey, I take your health seriously, you know!” she lectured. “You can’t cheat on your exercises! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I let you lapse and hurt yourself? Do it right the first time.”

I just smiled at her through the exertion and kept at it. _Feels nice being cared about like that. Feels_ really _nice._

Eventually, although it took almost twice as long with Monika’s merciless coaching, we powered through the therapy. But mercy was clearly not her strong suit. Out of nowhere, she splashed me with a giant wave of water, cheekily sing-songed out a “I’ll race you in the lap pool!,” and then took off before I could recover. Much to my chagrin, Monika turned out to be a very strong swimmer; no way I was catching her, but I certainly tried.

An hour and a half after we walked in, we were totally bummed out. A little reluctantly, Monika and I dragged ourselves out of the warm water and back into the showers, and then from there back out to the car.

“So,” I started. “Dinner. Any preferences? Wait, it’s a holiday, we don’t really have much in the way of choices. Chinese?”  
“I guess. Curious as to what that’s like. Let’s go.”

 

##################################################  
  
The idea of a Chinese buffet blew Monika’s mind.

“Wait. I can have as much as I want?”

“Yyyyyep!”

I had a very happy girlfriend for the next hour or so. It also helped that, technically, she was a _pescatarian_ , i.e. fish was still on the menu, so all the sushi out on the bar was fair game. And by “fair game,” I mean I had to actively stop her from devouring all of it. Which was absolutely adorable in its own right. Turns out that the idea of “leaving some for everyone else at the buffet” does _not_ come naturally.

 

##################################################

  
Very well-fed, Monika and I pulled into the parking lot of the apartments about eight. I had to be up at a fairly early hour the next morning, so I’d made up my mind to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. We plopped down on the couch for a little bit and talked about the plan for the next few weeks as real life caught up with us. There was no small amount of stuff to hash out, but in the end we ended up with a decent understanding.

“So, summing up, I’ll be coming home probably about five to five thirty in the afternoons most weekdays, since we get out at four thirty and traffic in the city can be a bitch. We’ll try to go out as much as we can so you’re not stuck in the house all the time. During the day, I’ve got a couple ideas for stuff you can do, but if you can’t think of anything else, the laptop and the games are always there, and so’s all the food we got. Remember, this is your home now too, Monika. What’s mine is yours, you feel?”

“I… really appreciate that, Jack. It’s still pretty unreal, but....”

“I know what you’re thinking. We’ll figure all the official stuff as we go. Trust me, alright?”

“...Okay. Go get ready for bed.” She smiled warmly at me. “Holidays are over, my man’s got to go earn his paycheck for this place tomorrow.”

Not long after, I finished changing for bed and stepped out of the bathroom to find… not what I was expecting.

In the short time – it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes – that I’d been in there, Monika had found and lit a couple of candles in the bedroom and changed into an absolutely breathtaking black lace corset, with matching stockings and a matching bottom. If I’d thought she looked irresistible at the pool, this was something else entirely. Taken as a whole, Monika splayed out on the deep purple of the bedspread, with the shadowy lighting in the room, and her downright _ensorcelling_ eyes and perfect features, I straight-up lost the ability to process conscious thought.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wowwwwwwwwww,” I said, dumbly.

“Don’t say anything, Jack. I’ve been waiting for this for _ages_. Just c’mere….~”

 

##################################################

 

It’s a small miracle that I didn’t pass out _once_ at work the next day, although Monika was _very_ proud of me when I told her, shortly before I collapsed on the couch.

 

It’s a somewhat bigger miracle that nobody filed any noise complaints, because _holy shit_.

 

##################################################

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worth the wait. I never know with these things. Now with about 90% less angst, this chapter only! Expect future updates to cover much longer periods of time, having some time skips between them, because, well, as much as I love the idea of everyday slice of life, it’s tough to write about completely ordinary days in a varied way! There’s only so many ways to say “They woke up, had breakfast, he went off to work, she entertained herself, he came home, they went out to dinner, they went to bed, and possibly sex was had.” (Although Monika won’t be stuck in the apartment forever; I’ve got plans for that!) Not that there’s not other stuff to intersperse in there, of course! That’s what you write about! But yeah. This will likely mostly turn into a vignette-based story with shorter chapters from here on out. Mostly. I have a few ideas for proper plot arcs rolling around in my head…. Hell, you can even see a few of them in the first section of this upload. 
> 
> And don’t worry, nerds among the reader base. We will definitely pick up where the D&D group left off the following Saturday. That’s in the cards. I didn’t set all that up and create all those OCs for nothing! If anything, I may end up centering the fic’s timeline around the weekly games to give a consistent sense of time passing. Unsure. Answers on a postcard if y’all have any suggestions. 
> 
> Or cute or dramatic ideas for things these two can do or deal with together! I have zero qualms writing based on prompts from you readers for this. Yes, I’m actively soliciting ideas for filler episodes.
> 
> Speaking of which. Between the reviews on FF.net and the comments on AO3, I’m still just so overwhelmed at the response. Y’all making me cry, dammit. I love you all. I don’t respond to every single one, especially on FF where it feels more awkward having to reply by PM, but I definitely read and treasure each and every last one.


	6. With a Little Help from My Friends

_Thursday, January 4_

_Monika_

Life in Jack's apartment was starting to settle into a familiar routine. About seven thirty or so, he and I would both crawl out of bed. He'd hit the shower while I would plod out to the kitchen and get myself some coffee and do breakfast, and I'd make him lunch to bring in with him beforehand too. "It saves money!" I'd tell him whenever he objected to me going to the effort.

I definitely understood what his deal was. Jack was really concerned about me being my own person and living for myself. He was a bit – quite a bit, really – of a feminist, so his outlook was that he didn't want me to just be some live-in servant or something. I was an independent woman, dammit, and he would not see me lose myself in him, or something like that. The idea of me wasting away as a homemaker irked him a bit. It was really warmhearted of him, and I loved him for it, but I always reassured him that yes, this is what I really wanted. Not that I'd object to getting a job, once we got our official business sorted out – and honestly, I did want to, out of guilt for leeching off of him the way I felt like I did – but for now, I truly was happy with what I was doing.

This is not to say that I could see myself being cooped up in the apartment all the time. Jack seemed like the type that wouldn't ever leave if he didn't have to, but that just wasn't my thing. I craved a little more human interaction and  _life experience_ than that. Unfortunately, it really seemed like that just wasn't in the cards for me right then. As far as the government was concerned, I just didn't exist, which meant that I couldn't learn to drive or anything like that, I couldn't ever finish my education, and heaven help me if I had a run in with the law. Which, I figured, was likely, because I sure didn't know much about where I was.

That's why I was spending all my free time on Wikipedia lately. Learning the basics about my new home was my biggest priority. (With the possible exception of Jack, of course!)

Honestly, I was starting to get pretty upset at the whole situation I found myself in. I practically only had the knowledge I needed to function as a character and come off as a believable person. For a person supposedly about to graduate school, I knew very, very little. Oh, sure, I knew a lot about literature and poetry, and a few little tidbits here and there, but everything else was some undefined, useless mist at the back of my mind. You know how I'd been learning D&D? And you know how when you create a character, their backstory is kind of just a few vague points that you base them off of, maybe with a few sections fleshed out, and everything else is just improvised on the go? I was like that in the game, and here in the real world, but without that authority that could come up with things as they became important. So now my memories and knowledge were just a few anchoring islands of well-defined know-how, and everything else was… formless, generalities, just barely there. That, in addition to what little bits Jack had told me through the text box while I was still in the game – so far as real-world knowledge, mostly little bits about politics and his job, since he'd taken to venting his frustrations to me. All told, enough to be a functional person, if only just.

I pretty much needed a full education from scratch. Jack was giving me a hand as much as he could, and it really was helping, especially with more advanced math. Even though we tended to, ah,  _distract_ each other a lot.

Not that I was complaining. He's pretty cute. Ahahaha…~

Anyway, so this morning, I was spending my time reading up on history, and listening through  _Hamilton_  while I was at it. It just felt thematic. There was a lot to learn about the past of this country, despite how short its history was compared to the rest of the world. I had a passing thought – a place this varied and storied had to have a great body of writing to take in! My inner – well, okay,  _outer_ too – lit nerd took over. The only author or poet whose work I actually knew from reading it was Shel Silverstein, but… that could change. I started looking through the articles on Wiki, writing down names that came up a lot. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Maya Angelou, Ambrose Bierce, Mark Twain, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, John Steinbeck, Walt Whitman… oh yeah, this was going to be so  _fun_!

Yep. I'm a lit nerd alright.

##################################################################

I never actually got the time to read any of it that Thursday, though.

_For my theme song / My leather black jeans on…_

Because right about then my phone went off, much to my surprise. I'd had a stern talk with Jack about not hitting me up while he was working. Don't get me wrong, I loved him and I missed him when he wasn't home, but I was  _adamant_ about him putting himself and his career first. So I'd made it crystal clear that he was only allowed to text or call me during his lunch break or if there was an emergency – and it was only about ten thirty or so. And then I remembered that wasn't the song I'd assigned to messages from him anyway.

Things made a bit more sense when I actually got to the phone and saw it wasn't my boy calling me. Actually, it was Lia. I hadn't even known she was  _in_ my phone, or had my number. Jack's doing, no doubt. Ah well. I stifled a little bit of anxiety – a part of me noted it was getting better as time went on, so that was a good sign that I was getting back to my old self at least – and picked up.

"Heyyyyyyyy, dude!" an impossibly cheery voice came over the line.

"Oh, hello, Lia. I, ah, wasn't expecting to hear from you."

"Yeah, well, I heard you were just sitting at home on your ass doing nothing all the time, so I made Jack give me your number! So, Monika, what's happening, dude?"

"Ah, I'm just sitting at home doing some reading…"

"Cool, cool. I've got the day off today and I'm bored as hell, so I had an idea… you feel like getting out of the apartment a little bit today?"

"Ahhh…" I let out a nervous chuckle. "Sure? What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing crazy, I was just gonna go out to lunch and I thought, 'you know, I should hang out with Monika, she's fucking cool!' So I figured we could go get some food in maybe like… 45 minutes or so and then if you want you can chill at our place for the day. We could work on your character for the game on Saturday, maybe!" Lia was audibly bouncing through the roof at the idea.

"…Did Jack put you up to this?" I asked suspiciously.

"What? No, of course not!" she laughed. "I just wanted to hang out with you a bit, dude!"

"Ahahaha, okay. Sure. We'll do it. Let me go get ready, just come knock on the door and I'll come out."

"Alright, Monika, see ya in a bit!" Lia disconnected.

 _Hmm. Okay. Guess I'm going out today._  I got to figuring out the day's look. The weather actually warmed to what the news said was an unseasonably comfortable 56 degrees (I had to mentally force myself to use Fahrenheit, not Celsius). I was a little disturbed about that, considering it'd been twenty degrees outside not two days ago, but that's climate change for you. On the bright side, that was leggings weather. So, after fixing up my hair, an annoyingly lengthy process given that it was long enough to sit on, I settled for a frilly white knee-length dress and black leggings, added a black/white/blue tartan scarf, threw that gorgeous new coat – the faded blue one – over the ensemble, and completed the look with my trademark white ribbon. A judicious application of makeup later, and I was ready. I looked damn cute, if I do say so myself.

_Actually..._

I pulled out my phone, took a quick self-shot, and sent it to Jack along with a message letting him know I'd be out for the day and where I was. Figured he'd like that. When lunch rolled around, knowing him, I fully expected to get a full page of heart eyes emojis back. That's just the way he was. Sometimes it felt like the boy worshiped the ground I walked on, which, ah, wasn't a bad feeling at all, even if I felt like I didn't deserve it a lot of the time.

##################################################################

I had about ten minutes to go before Lia was due to get here. This was not a good thing for me. That meant ten minutes where I could go over everything that might possibly go wrong. Let it slip that I'm from a game? Say something I didn't know was offensive? Attract the attention of a police officer or the landlord? I know it sounds ridiculous in hindsight, but I was  _afraid_. I was somewhere that I didn't have a right to be and I was going out without Jack to make sure I didn't mess up. I trusted Lia, of course, but…

A knock on the door. Waiting in the hall was a fairly short girl with dirty blonde hair, wrapped up in a red and white varsity jacket draped over a  _very_ thick and warm-looking sweater ("Fuck the cold, I grew up in South Carolina before we moved here," she told me once), bouncing with energy.

"…Whoa, I'm still not over how pretty you are," Lia said, voice somewhere between bouncing joy and a little bit of good-natured jealousy, before completely ignoring any concept of personal space and wrapping me up in a rib-crushing hug. "It's good to see you again!"

I was very uncomfortably reminded of Sayori by her sheer happy energy, and by the realization I had just then that she was about the same height and build too. I'd been too into the game the past weekend to notice it, but it was pretty unpleasant now that it was all hitting me in the face.

That said, I was still very happy to see Lia anyway, so I pushed it down. "It's good to see you too, Lia." I paused as I disengaged for the sake of my ribcage. "So where did you want to go?"

"Wellllll, how do you feel about Italian? I was  _thinking_ about Olive Garden. Jack told me you were a vegetarian, and they have really good salad that you can get as much as you want of it…"

I had precisely zero what Italian food was like, other than the fettucine Jack'd made for me the other day, but I was definitely down. And she knew I ate veggie and tried to think of a good place to take me for it?  _God, everyone's being so_ nice  _to me. What did I do to deserve this? No, I_ don't  _deserve this…_

I snapped out of it, motioned for her to lead the way, and tried to think of something to talk about. The most natural place to start, I figured as we got into her car, would be her school. She looked pretty proud of it, judging by the letterman jacket, which had quite a few patches proudly displayed on it. I saw one I actually knew a little bit about….

"Marching band, huh?"

"Yeah, I was a band geek! I played alto sax. Tenor too, but I'm better on alto. Tough shit, don't let anybody tell you it's not a sport. Sweating my ass off marching around in circles for hours in those stuffy uniforms carrying an instrument… I mean, sure, it's not like I was one of those poor idiots carrying the big drums or sousaphones or something, the alto's only like five pounds or so, but still, shit's heavy when you're carrying it for hours! Anyway, it was fun, I'm proud of it, I made lots of good friends, but Jesus Christ it's hard work. Ugh. Don't even get me started about band camp…." She shuddered involuntarily.

"Goodness, Lia, it sounds like it. I'm glad  _my_ instrument lets me sit down!"

Lia perked up at that in her seat. "You play too? Really? What do you play?"

"Ah, I'm not very good at it or anything, but I play the piano.…" I said, feeling myself blushing a little.

"Bullshit!" she shot back, emoting with her hands and making me very nervous considering  _she was driving on roads that were still slick from the melting snow_. "I bet you're great at it! I'd love to hear it! Hey, I've got sax, you've got keys, Jack's got guitar, Tsuki used to play drums… find a bass and we could make a band out of this!"

"Oh gosh no! I couldn't!"

"…Maybe not any time soon, but I bet we  _could_. Come on, have a little faith! Nothing's stopping us from  _trying_ , right? Jack could get us a room to practice in at the community center…."

I just shook my head as she went on. No one person should be  _allowed_ to be this energetic. Again I was unwillingly reminded of Sayori, and again I pushed it down. Depressing as that was, it was also a little bit comforting to run into someone familiar. My feelings were in a weird place, okay?

##################################################################

We kept up the banter for a few minutes before pulling into the restaurant. Olive Garden was a little more upscale than the IHOP had been, although it was pretty obviously still a chain. As promised, they had unlimited salad, which I unceremoniously jumped on. Lia wasn't lying. Granted I didn't have that much to compare it to, but it was still the best salad I'd ever had in my life. And I could get as much as I wanted?  _Man._

"So, Monika, what about you?"  _Oh no._  "What did you do in school?"

_Think fast, Monika. Think fast._

Lia just sat there, looking at me expectantly.

_What the heck am I supposed to tell her? Well, start with what I know, I guess._

I hesitated a moment more, deciding how to start. "I was in debate club, actually!"

"Debate club? Really?" Lia looked a little more surprised than I think she intended to.

"Ahaha, yeah, it was a fun time when we were actually debating. I was a smart kid back then, so I did pretty well, but… well, other people can be nasty sometimes, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, I know what that's like. There were cliques in the band just like everywhere else. Almost everyone liked me anyway¸ so I dodged most of it, but my friends didn't always get so lucky. There was a lot of drama. A  _lot_ of it. Not to mention we had to deal with begging the school for funding and the  _football team_ -" she practically spat the name out – "didn't like it very much because they just felt entitled to everything. So a couple of the football kids sometimes started shit when the band did fundraisers and stuff… ugh. Fuckers. Anyway, so what comes after the 'but?'"

"Well… I quit the debate team in my last year. All the politics took the fun out of it."

She looked apologetic. "I'm sorry it got that bad," Lia said, and then immediately brightened up. "But hey, they didn't deserve you in it anyway!"

I  _know_ I turned red in the face at that. "Ahahaha… I guess! But then I turned around and started my  _own_ club."

"With blackjack! And hookers!" Lia cut in, giggling.

"Ahh… what?" I said, immediately regretting it.  _Crap. That was a reference. I_ really _hope it's not an important one._

"Oh my God, have you never seen Futurama? Oh,  _hon_. We're gonna hafta fix that!"

I recovered as gracefully as I could. "No, I can't say I have. I've always meant to, but I just never got around to, I guess. Anyway, no, it was a  _literature_ club! We did poetry and books and even a little bit of manga, plus Natsuki's cupcakes…" I trailed off as I realized what I'd just said, even before the inevitable pang of depression kicked in.

I thought I saw Lia's eyes visibly widen for a split second before she spoke again. "Oh, you were one of  _those_ nerds, huh?" she teased. "Nah, I've read a few books in my day too. Not anything you'd call  _literature,_ really, but I do like to read when I have a little bit of spare time."

"Ah, yeah, I get you. Maybe  _I_ can get you to read a thing or two? The whole reason I started that club was because I just really do love reading and writing and, well, more importantly, I love getting other people into it! Poems are  _magical_ to me, and sharing that with other people… well, it's kind of a passion of mine! Anyway, what have you read?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Lia was suddenly and, from what I could tell, very uncharacteristically  _quiet._

I picked up on it right away for what it probably was. "It's okay. You know, one of my friends in the club was really embarrassed about what she liked to read too. She was really into manga. Poor girl was terrified to tell anyone, but honestly, under ordinary circumstances, I don't think anybody would have cared at all. I poked a little fun at her just to try and cheer her up, but I wasn't ever mean about it. Go ahead. You can tell me!"

"Okay…" she said. "I pretty much only read fanfiction nowadays. I've read some even for things I've never played or read or seen and I feel really bad about it sometimes and honestly I've never told anybody…."

"Oh, for gosh sakes, Lia!" I laughed. "That's perfectly fine!" I actually knew about something relevant to this, for once. Jack had once ranted to me in one of his vent sessions in the text box about how little respect people got for fan works. I still remember it word for word, partly because I was mostly just lines of code at the time so I literally couldn't forget it, and partially because he was almost as animated about it as he was about the last election.

" _I just don't get it, Monika. Authors, and a lot of their snobbier fans, shit on people for loving their worlds so much that they write stories about them. Anne Rice sued the ever-loving shit out of people for writing fics about her characters so badly that you still can't write anything about her worlds without getting sued, and it's been almost 30 years since the first ones went up online. George R. R. Martin is the most popular author in the world right now and he's vocal about how possessive he is of his characters. He even says writers are lazy! It makes no goddamn sense! I mean, take Wicked_   _for fuck's sakes!_   _Wicked is one of the most popular and beloved Broadway musicals of all time, but you wanna know what it is? Wicked, the musical, is an adaptation of Wicked, the book, which is a literal fanfic – with an entirely different tone – of The Wizard of Oz, the movie, which in turn is an adaptation of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, the book! And while we're on musicals, let's talk about Victor Hugo! The Hunchback of Notre Dame got made into a Disney movie with a largely different cast of characters, and yet people still love both of them! But God forbid some kid who loves Harry Potter writes a fanfic nowadays! I mean, bad example because Jo Rowling is okay with people writing fics about her world, but people are still awful about it. AGH. Sorry."_

I more or less relayed what Jack had told me to Lia, which got a wry grin from her.

"You know, I never told him that I read fic, but I've still heard almost that exact same rant from Jack before. I guess he gives that rant to everyone!" She laughed to herself for a few seconds before she recovered. "Anyway, promise you're not gonna judge me about it?"

"Of course not, Lia! You're my  _friend_!~"

She smiled warmly at me.

"Alright then. You about done? Because speaking of  _magic_ like you brought up there a minute ago, I wanna get home and get down to work on your little dude to bring on Saturday."

Truth be told, I definitely was starting to feel full. I must have lost track of how much salad I'd eaten. Salad or not, I made a mental note to work out harder at the pool the next day. Backstory-me worked really hard to get this body to where it was and I wasn't going to let her down.

I started to pull out my spending money – Jack left me some in case I got hungry for something we didn't have, at least until he could get me a spare debit card – only to have Lia reach across the table and smack my hand. "You put that away, I invited you, this is my treat."

"But…"

"No buts! Shut up, I'm paying!"

##################################################################

_I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this…_

My phone went off again on the trip back.  _That_ was my tone for Jack's messages.  _Ahaha. This ought to be good._

And it was. He'd taken the time spell out the word "BABE" in heart emojis.

My boy was one sappy, sappy man, and I loved it. I giggled, feeling a little giddy inside.

Lia just looked over at me, and I couldn't resist; I showed her the text and she busted out laughing. "Oh, I am so going to give him so much shit for this. He likes to play hardass on Saturdays, but he's nothing but a lovey-dovey softieeeeeee~" she sang.

"But," she continued, "for real, I've never seen him happier. I mean really, I've known him since I moved up here and he's been by far the happiest I have ever seen. He really lucked out." We pulled up to a stop light and she leaned over and hugged me. "I really appreciate it. Andy aside, Jack's been my best friend since… forever, and it makes me  _super_  happy to see him like this. So, uh, thank you. So much."

I wasn't sure what to say, really. I was besieged by a tsunami of emotions and just about ready to cry at that.

"Um, that said, break his heart and I break your face."

And the moment was gone.

##################################################################

Lia's apartment was a lot messier than ours. Not that I minded or anything, but it was right there. The reason became apparent about three seconds later, when an absolutely  _adorable_ grey-blue cat made its presence known by  _slamming_ itself into my leg and purring like a jackhammer.

"Oh, yeah, Monika, this is Mystra! She's a Russian Blue and she's three years old and she's super friendly and she's  _purrfect_  and I love her and it looks like she loves you too!"

I barely heard a word Lia said, much less register the pun, because I was down in a squat and cooing and playing with Mystra faster than Lia could even shut the door. "Oh you're a beautiful kitty, yes you are!" Before I knew it she jumped up on my lap and kept purring right against me. For the second time in a week, I fell in love. Of course, as cats are wont to do, Mystra got bored of it pretty quickly and walked over to her mom, who picked her up and carried her with us over to the living area.

"Russian Blues are easier on people with allergies, quiet, and don't shed too much, so the landlord's perfectly cool with her. I was so happy when she said yes, because I love this little bundle of joy so much…" Mystra purred a little at that. Smart kitty. "So, let me pull up Hulu and get some Futurama going while I get out my books. Andy's a traditionalist so almost all our books are in dead tree. I'm trying to remember where I put them.…"

I took a seat on the couch and waited and watched. Immediately I related  _heavily_  to the protagonist in a way I'm pretty sure nobody else on the planet could have. I felt so bad for Fry… waking up in a strange world with nobody to guide him….

Lia snapped me out of my reverie. "Want something to drink, hon? Water? Milk? Pepsi? Tea?"

"Ah, I could go for some tea, actually!"

"I've got regular iced tea, orange iced tea, and Earl Grey."

"Mmm… Earl Grey? I'm okay with that. Please?"

She put a pot on while I kept watching, transfixed. I laughed, I cried, I generally got way more into Fry's misadventures than I probably should have, pausing only to take sips of my tea, which she brought me before heading into the next room to look. The whole time, though, I was straining to hear over the sounds of shuffling and piles of stuff falling over from the next room. A full half-hour later, Lia came out with a hefty stack of hardcover books, all of them with  _Pathfinder Roleplaying Game_ printed across the front, with subtitles like  _Core Rulebook, Advanced Class Guide, Advanced Player's Guide, Advanced Race Guide, Pathfinder Unchained, Ultimate Combat…._

"This right here is every single Pathfinder book ever printed. I've got a bunch of the Adventure Paths that add new classes and gear and spells on my laptop, and I've got the small set of third-party books he allows too" – she motioned to a separate stack of paperbacks – "all right here. Let me do one last thing and we can get started." She pulled out her phone.

##################################################################

Ten minutes later, I found out just what Lia'd done. As she was going over the different boxes on a character sheet, we heard a knock on the door, accompanied by a quiet, mousy voice. "It's me, Lia. Can I come in?"

After an acknowledgement from Lia, the door swung open, and Tsuki was immediately ambushed by an overly-friendly cat.

"Aw, hi, Mystra!" she whispered sweetly as she shut the door behind her. Mystra responded by jumping straight up into Tsuki's arms. I swear that kitty was friendlier than any dog I ever met in my life before or since.

Carrying the cat with her, Tsuki joined me on the couch. "Hey, Monika. Lia told me you might need some help building a character.…" I saw an evil glimmer in her eye that I would absolutely not have expected from the tiny, slight Japanese girl. "Let us just say I'm pretty good at that."

"Just think of it like this, Monika," Lia piped up. "I'll be the person helping you with character concepts, and Tsuki here will be the devil on the other shoulder helping you make sure you don't get preferential treatment from your boyfriend by way of pissing him off enough that he fucking throws books at you."

"Ah…." I wavered.

"What she means," Tsuki said, "is that I like to build characters that are not useless. Unfortunately, one person's 'not useless' is another person's 'overpowered.' Oh well."

"So," Lia picked up from Tsuki, "have you thought any about what sort of character you want to play? It's totally okay to play something you know if you don't have any ideas. Don't worry about everything having to be totally original and different. Think of it as, like, writing a book for the first time! It's okay to have a self-insert. Plenty of writers got their start writing God-awful self-insert wish fulfillment stories, after all, and yet people seem to like them for some dumbass reason!"

I thought about it for a moment.

"Well, my main talents are singing and playing and writing, so… maybe a bard?"

"That sounds about right," Lia replied.

"And I love playing bards!" the devilish black-haired girl chimed in. "Nobody ever notices that the bard is the reason everybody is winning fights, so you can be as OP as you want and no one will ever be the wiser! So I can be a lot of help for this."

"Now," Lia continued, "we're starting at level 7… I'd recommend just playing a straight bard with no archetypes or anything for your first character. So, an ordinary bard. What do you think your character will be like?"

"Ah. Well." I thought some more, reaching down to give some scratches to the beautiful blue purring machine currently looping through my legs. "I'd say she's going to be Good, Neutral Good maybe, and she just cares about helping people. She's a total sap for romance and adventure, and sees beauty in everything. She'll worship the goddess of love-"

"Shelyn," the blonde interrupted.

"-and she'll be driven by… a great regret in her past. Maybe… bards just do magic naturally, right? She did something awful with her magic to someone that she couldn't take back, and she set out to atone for it and spread goodness and cheer. But she's still got the anger and the jealousy in her that made her do it in the first place, and she has to keep it under control all the time."

"…I like it," both of the other girls agreed.

Lia paused thoughtfully for a moment. "Maaaaaaaybe a tiefling like Tsuki has? They're descended from evil outsiders like devils and shit and good tieflings are always struggling with their natures. That'd fit."

Tsuki took a sip of her own tea, then spoke. "I agree. And they have a lot of options to customize them to what you want – different score bonuses, different backgrounds, and things like that, and most of them are good for bards. Tieflings are a powerful race if you know what you're doing. I think perhaps rakshasa-spawn would fit the best; they give a charisma and a dexterity bonus, which are good for you, and your lack of self-control fits nicely with their wisdom penalties. They are described as charming and deft and full of subtlety and guile. They don't necessarily look like their forebears, however; they can take a trait that makes them almost entirely human, much like aasimars can. Which, if you ask me, was a long time coming, and does a lot to bridge the power gap between the aasimar and the tiefling, but that is beside the point."

…I was stunned for a moment. Tsuki was, from what I knew, a very quiet girl who didn't talk all that much. But here she was, railing off facts and figures and recommendations like it was going out of style. She was clearly  _passionate_ about what she was doing. This, I figured, must be the thing she enjoys, the thing that gets her out of her shell. I found it pretty funny that it was… what did Jack call it,  _character optimization_ , though. What I didn't find funny was how much it reminded me of another of the club members I'd left behind….

"Yeah. I can go with that," I decided. "I think it fits."

"Alright then," Lia said, writing on the character sheet. "Bard 7, rakshasa-spawn tiefling, neutral good, Shelyn… oh, what's her name going to be?"

I thought about it for a second.  _May as well complete the trifecta._

"Something simple. How about Amy?"

Mystra jumped up on the table and  _meowled_  something akin to agreement.

##################################################################

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for the delay on the chapter. I got distracted by things (read: Stellaris, Dota, Minecraft, and They Are Billions), and I also have been having massive computer issues (my graphics card died, yikes). Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. We get some more fleshing out of Jack's friends, especially Lia, who I really enjoy writing. We pass the Bechdel test. We get a little bit of nerding out. We add an adorable cat. We get to see a chapter more or less without Jack in it. And we progress the story a bit!
> 
> Next chapter will be a bonus chapter of sorts. I'll get around to answering all the reviews in it – it's much easier to just respond to comments on AO3 – and I'll post character sheets for the group. After that, it's D&D night. Chapter 9, however, will likely be a very special chapter whose existence is thanks entirely to a specific review by pikushi-chan, who in pointing out a glaring flaw gave me a wonderful idea.
> 
> As always, reviews and comments are enormously appreciated. I subsist on a diet composed entirely of pasta and fan feedback these days. I love you all! And Monika does too.


	7. Bonus Ducks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we go, the long-awaited update. I apologize, been busy, and I was struck by another plot bunny that I'm also working on. And, not gonna lie, I enjoy building characters, but building six of them fried my brain a little bit. Anyway. This chapter contains three sections: character sheets, review answering and a bit of a story overhaul, and a mini-chapter blurb because I'll be damned if I don't put up something fluffy on Valentine's Day.

**For the character sheet section! The table's rules and houserules generally resemble my own. Pathfinder though this is, the Travel Cloak from 3.5e Players' Guide to Faerun exists and may be purchased by anyone, and I encourage them to do so, or nab a Ring of Sustenance, because bookkeeping isn't really fun to be honest beyond early levels and grittier campaigns, which this is not. 25 point buy, by Pathfinder rules. Background skills are in play. No third-party material is present except for that of Dreamscarred Press - because they have an amazing port of 3e Psionics and a rework of the old Tome of Battle that I greatly enjoy, and, not that too many people cared because the original Magic of Incarnum was pretty obscure and hard to understand, but they also have a good rework of meldshaping too. Custom magic items are available per the table with GM approval. As in 3.5, Mithral and similar materials reduce the armor category by one for the purposes of proficiency (so a character with medium armor proficiency can wear mithral full plate without taking the ACP against her attack roll).**

**Some characters will also take advantage of the odd 3.5e feat/piece of equipment/etc; as in my own games, these were granted to the players on request on a may-issue basis. Hit points are max first level, average every level thereafter (which is handled as alternating each level, i.e. d8 hit die is 4 then 5 then 4). One-handed firearms are always light weapons. Protection from X (as well as its child spells) are all merged into single spells for the purposes of knowing them, though they obviously still must be prepared and cast as specifically, say, Magic Circle against** _**Evil** _ **. Neither ammunition nor carrying capacity nor spellbook capacity are tracked, within reason. These are ongoing characters that began the game at level 1, but for the sake of simplicity I generated them as though they'd been built together at level 7 (except Monika's, so she doesn't get to take advantage of item crafting feats like the others do). Additonally, any disparities you may see between here and any previous descriptions of characters can be chalked up to me only having rough ideas at the time; what you see here is the canon version. Finally, a small point of note, XP is not being tracked; characters level when GM says they do.**

**Incidentally, the #id you see on each character is a sheet ID for Myth-Weavers if you ever want to look at their real sheets.**

_**ANDREW** _

**Haldan, medium middle-aged male Level 7 Lawful Neutral Aasimar (Peri-blooded) diviner Wizard, worships Abadar**

#id=1491959

**STATS**

Str 8 / Dex 12 / Con 14 / Int 28(24) / Wis 10 / Cha 12

41 HP / AC 13 / Flat-footed 12 / Touch 11 / Flat-footed touch 10 / CMD 13 / FCMD 12

Init +15 / BAB +3 / Melee +2 / CMB +2 / Ranged +4

Fort +6 / Ref +5 / Will +7

Caster Level 7

30ft land movement

3 hero points

ER5 electricity, cold, and acid

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Base racial traits:_ Darkvision 60

 _Alternate Racial Traits:_  Scion of Humanity, Truespeaker

 _Traits:_ Pragmatic Activator (Magical), Reactionary (Combat)

 _Favored Class:_ Wizard, +1 skill point per level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

Light Crossbow / +4 / 1d8 piercing / 19-20x2 / 80ft / 4lbs

+1 Mithral Buckler / Shield / AC +2 / Speed 30 / ACP 0 / Max Dex - / ASF 0 / 2.5lbs

**SPELLS KNOWN AND PREPARED**

_Cantrips known (DC19, unless specified otherwise):_ All

 _Cantrips prepared(DC19, unless specified otherwise):_ Detect Magic, Mage Hand, Prestidigitation, Read Magic

 _First-level spells known (DC20, unless specified otherwise):_ Alarm, Endure Elements, Protection from X, Shield, Grease, Mage Armor, Mount, Obscuring Mists, Unseen Servant, Anticipate Peril, Identify, True Strike, Sleep, Ear-Piercing Scream (DC21), Magic Missile (DC21, no save), Color Spray, Disguise Self, Nystul's Magic Aura, Silent Image, Vanish, Burning Disarm, Enlarge Person, Expeditious Retreat, Feather Fall

 _First-level spells prepared:_ Protection from Evil (1), Mage Armor (1), Unseen Servant (1), Silent Image (1), Vanish (1), Enlarge Person (1), Burning Disarm (1), Anticipate Peril (1, specialist slot)

 _Second-level spells known (DC21, unless specified otherwise):_ Bullet Shield, Resist Energy, Melf's Acid Arrow, Create Pit, Glitterdust, Web, Detect Thoughts, Share Memory, See Invisibility, Burning Gaze (DC22), Darkness, Flaming Sphere (DC22), Scorching Ray, Blur, Invisibility, Minor Image, Mirror Image, Levitate, Make Whole, Rope Trick

 _Second-level spells prepared:_ Flaming Sphere(1), Glitterdust (2), Mirror Image (1), Web (1), See Invisibility (1, specialist slot)

 _Third-level spells known (DC22, unless specified otherwise)_ : Dispel Magic, Explosive Runes, Magic Circle against X, Communal Resist Energy, Aqueous Orb, Phantom Steed, Sleet Storm, Summon Monster III, Arcane Sight, Blacklight (DC23), Call the Void (DC23), Fireball (DC23), Wind Wall (DC23), Invisibility Sphere, Fly, Haste, Slow

 _Third-level spells prepared:_ Fireball (2), Haste (1), Slow (1), Arcane Sight (1, specialist slot)

 _Fourth-level spells known (DC23, unless otherwise specified):_ Dimensional Anchor, Dimension Door, Summon Monster IV, Arcane Eye, Scrying, Ice Storm, Otiluke's Resilient Sphere, Wall of Ice, Greater Invisibility, Stone Shape

 _Fourth-level spells prepared:_ Summon Monster IV (1), Ice Storm (1), Wall of Ice (1), Scrying (1, specialist slot)

**CLASS FEATURES**

_Arcane Bond:_ Familiar (Blue Hedgehog, initiative +4)

 _Arcane School:_ Divination (Foresight). Forewarned (+3), Prescience (12/day).

**FEATS**

Improved Initiative

Scribe Scroll

Craft Wand

Spell Focus: Evocation

Spell Penetration

Spell Specialization: Fireball

**SKILLS**

Appraise +19, Craft (Leatherworking) +13, Fly +5, Knowledge (Arcana) +19, Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +19, Knowledge (Engineering) +19, Knowledge (Geography) +13, Knowledge (History) +13, Knowledge (Local) +19, Knowledge (Martial) +13, Knowledge (Nature) +19, Knowledge (Nobility) +13, Knowledge (Planes) +19, Knowledge (Psionics) +19, Knowledge (Religion) +13, Linguistics +21, Perception +7, Spellcraft +19, Use Magic Device +16

**EQUIPMENT**

Headband of Vast Intellect +4 (Knowledge Religion, Perception)

Ring of Sustenance

Cracked Dusty Rose Prism Ioun Stone

Spell Component Pouch x2

Cloak of Resistance +2

Explorer's Outfit

\- Pearl of Power I x2

\- Pearl of Power II x1

\- Pearl of Power III x1

\- 70 gold pieces

\- Spellbook

**LANGUAGES - A LOT.**

Common, Elf, Orc, Faerûnian Dwarven, Undercommon, Dwarven, Draconic, Celestial, Infernal, Abyssal, Giant, Gnoll, Protean, Goblin, Sylvan, Aklo, Necril, Read Lips, Aboleth, Ignan, Aquan, Terran, Auran

**GM's Description:**

Andrew's wizard, Haldan, is a well-built diviner with an absolutely obscene intelligence score. An archivist, translator (seriously, he knows twenty three fucking languages), and bookbinder (in short, a librarian) by trade from the gleaming city of Absalom, Haldan is a firm believer in the philosophy of  _everything in its rightful place_ , to the point that it's something of a compulsion for him and has seen him carelessly trip more than one dungeon trap. Haldan faithfully upholds his patron deity's ideology of order and civilization, seeing society as a stabilizing force on the world - something that has gotten him into trouble with Louis' otherwise laid-back psychic warrior/half-giant tribal shaman/escaped Cheliaxian captive, Kruug, who frequently (and correctly on all counts) accuses him of being a smug imperialist bastard.

Haldan's reason for leaving home is pretty simple - he's recording everything he sees to eventually write a book on his world travels to bring home and add to the vast collection of knowledge held in the halls of Absalom. That he gets to occasionally do things of importance is only a tangential bonus, though it does bolster his self-worth some. In combat, Haldan relies on a mix of foreknowledge, strong battlefield control spells, and the judicious application of his favorite spell, Fireball - a spell he knows full well isn't quite the greatest thing in existence, but he nonetheless adheres to for what he terms "style points."

I have a sneaking suspicion that at level 9 he's gonna make himself a metamagic rod of Dazing Spell and make me want to tear my hair out with non-stop AOE stuns, though. Kill me now.

_**LIA** _

**Minrah Shalecutter, medium female Level 7 Lawful Good Gold Dwarf Paladin of Moradin**

#id=1487206

**STATS**

Str 20(18) / Dex 10 / Con 16(14) / Int 8 / Wis 8 / Cha 18(16)

64 HP / AC 22 / Flat-footed 22 / Touch 11 / Flat-footed touch 11 / CMD 23 / FCMD 23

Init +0 / BAB +7/+2 / Melee +12/+7 / CMB +12/+7 / Ranged +7/+2

Fort +14 / Ref +7 / Will +9

Caster Level 4

20ft land movement

2 hero points

DR 3/-

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Base racial traits_ : +4 AC vs giants, +2 to saves vs spells (+3 with Glory of Old) and poison, +4 CMD vs bull rush and trip, +2 appraise, +2 perception vs unusual stonework and free checks within 10ft, darkvision 60, +1 to hit vs goblins and orcs

 _Traits_ : Glory of Old (Racial), Fate's Favored (Faith)

 _Favored Class_ : Paladin, one skill point at each level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

+1 Adamantine Earthbreaker / +13/+8 / 2d6+9 bludgeoning / 20x3 / Melee / 14lbs

+1 Adamantine Mechanus Gear / Heavy / AC+11 / Speed 20 (dwarf) / ACP -10 / Max Dex +0 / ASF 0 (Divine) / 75lbs

**SPELLS**

_First-level spells (DC15):_ Divine Favor (1), Litany of Sloth (1)

 _Second-level spells (DC16):_ Ironskin (1)

**CLASS FEATURES**

Aura of Good

 _Detect Evil_ at will

Smite Evil 3/day

Divine Grace (+4)

Lay on Hands (9/day); remove sickened and staggered; trade 2 for one smite (Channel Wrath)

Aura of Courage

Divine Health

Divine Bond +1, 1/day, 7 minutes

**FEATS**

Extra Lay On Hands

Power Attack

Step Up

Cleave

**SKILLS**

Appraise +1, Craft (Armorsmithing) +9, Craft (Weaponsmithing) +9, Intimidate +14, Knowledge (Religion) +9

**OTHER EQUIPMENT**

Headband of Charisma +2

Belt of Strength +2 and Constitution +2

Muleback Cords

Ring of Protection +1

Travel Cloak of Resistance +1

Explorer's Outfit

\- Bag of Holding IV

\- Platinum Holy Symbol of Moradin

1036 gold pieces

**LANGUAGES**

Common, Faerûnian Dwarven

**GM's Description:**

Lia's character is particularly interesting to me. Minrah is actually the daughter of her old character, a master gold dwarven artificer by the name of Hildya Shalecutter from the Forgotten Realms. When we switched to Pathfinder, her and I decided that we'd maintain some continuity by having Hildya, after the conclusion of our Third Edition campaign, end up, unwillingly, in Golarion. As a result, Minrah is one of only two gold dwarves in the entirety of the setting, and bears secret knowledge - via a copy of her mother's journal - of the making of many pieces of equipment exclusive to the old edition. Which, mechanically, is how I introduce occasional bits of 3e stuff to the game, and how other members of the party have some bits of 3e gear. Incidentally, this is a major reason Andrew's character is attached to the group, as what Minrah has in her possession can be found nowhere else in the known universe.

Both her and her mother have long since given up hope of returning home, and have instead decided to carry on the traditions and culture of the gold dwarves in what ways they can in a world that seemingly has no place for them. Minrah has elected to do this by spreading the faith of Moradin wherever she can, protecting the weak and much more importantly (to her) destroying the wicked, while still carrying on her traditions of artificery to the best of her abilities. Unfortunately, she's hindered by being a little bit on the dull side, but Minrah is still a charismatic speaker, of sorts, and a terrifying presence to the unjust everywhere.

In combat, Minrah is an unstoppable ball of rage and destruction who can freely lay waste to a room full of baddies if not sufficiently restricted by hard crowd control, by way of her massive mastercrafted hammer and unique Mechanus-inspired armor.

_**LOUIS** _

**Grachus Sura, medium male Level 5 Chaotic Good Half-Elven Theologian Cleric of Desna / Level 2 Drill Sergeant Fighter**

#id=1487204

**STATS**

Str 12 / Dex 18 / Con 14(12) / Int 14(12) / Wis 18(16) / Cha 10

51 HP / AC22 / Flat-footed 18 / Touch 15 / CMD 21 / FCMD 17

Init +11 / BAB +5 / Melee +6 / Finesse Melee +9 / CMB +6 / Ranged +9

Fort +9 / Ref +6 / Will +10

Caster Level 7

20ft land movement

3 hero points

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Racial traits:_ Low-light vision

 _Alternate Racial Traits:_ Dual-Minded

 _Traits:_ Seeker (Social), Magical Knack (Magical)

 _Favored Class_ : Cleric and Fighter, +1 skill point at each level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

+1 Dueling Elven Branched Spear / +10 / 1d8+2 piercing / 20x3 / Reach (10ft) / 10lbs

Masterwork Composite (Str 12) Longbow / +10 / 1d8+1 piercing / 20x3 / 110ft / 3lbs

+1 Mithral Agile Breastplate / Medium / AC+7 / Speed 20 / ACP 0 / Max Dex +4 / ASF 0 (Divine) / 12.5lbs

**SPELLS**

_Orisons:_ Create Water, Detect Magic, Mending, Read Magic

 _First-level spells:_ Divine Favor (1), Obscuring Mist (1), Protection from Evil (1), Shield of Faith (1), Remove Fear (1, Domain)

 _Second-level spells:_ Calm Emotions (1), Hold Person (1), Resist Energy (1), Still Spell Remove Paralysis (1, Domain)

 _Third-level spells:_ Dispel Magic (1), Magic Circle Against Evil (1), Remove Curse (1, Domain)

**CLASS FEATURES AND DOMAINS**

Aura of Good

Channel Energy (3d6)

Spontaneous Cures

Focused Domain

Liberation Domain: 7 rounds of free movement; Domain Secret: Still Spell Remove Paralysis

Tactician

**FEATS**

Weapon Finesse

Craft Magic Arms and Armor

Improved Trip

Craft Wondrous Item

Combat Reflexes

Tandem Trip

Forge Ring

**SKILLS**

Acrobatics +14, Craft (Weaponsmithing) +12, Heal +8, Knowledge (Religion) +12, Perception +17, Sense Motive +14, Spellcraft +11, Craft (Metalworking) +12

**OTHER EQUIPMENT**

Headband of Int +2 (Sense Motive) Wis +2

Belt of +2 Con

Ring of Sustenance

Ring of Protection +1

Sandals of the Vagabond

Pathfinder's Kit (note: Shaheed is carrying this)

Explorer's Outfit

\- Iron Holy Symbol of Desna

\- 36.33 gold pieces

Ioun Torch

Cracked Dusty Rose Prism Ioun Stone

Cloak of Resistance +1

**LANGUAGES**

Common, Infernal, Elf

**GM's Description:**

Now Louis is a fun character. Him and Shaheed built theirs together around a concept. Louis's dude, Grachus Sura, started his life as one of the sons of a somewhat important Cheliaxian noble family - albeit he was the son of a mistress, so his status wasn't quite the same, but he never let that stop him from trying his absolute hardest at the game and his dad was a very fair man, so to his benefit it actually ended up canceling out. Now, the thing you need to know about society in Cheliax is that it is quite literally ruled by demons from Hell (well, devils, but close enough). They're a slaving bureaucracy with shades of fantasy North Korea and a hefty dose of Machiavellian Italy built upon conquest, devil worship, and the very concept of Lawful Evil. Unfortunately for Grachus's immediate prospects, he developed a rather strong case of a conscience about slavery in his young adult years, thanks to a visit from a herald of Desna in a dream, and was dumb enough in his youth to try and say something about this. His father wasn't enough to protect him, and he was locked away in prison as a dissenter. There, he met Shaheed's character, Kruug, and eventually managed to break out with him in tow. From there, Grachus and Kruug started freeing who they could - including Grachus' immediate family, lest they be imprisoned or worse themselves - before retreating across the border into Andoran, taking heavy losses on the way but eventually making it to the waiting protection of Andoran's armed forces. The two of them have been extremely close and inseparable friends, bordering on brotherhood, ever since.

Louis's guy is a fairly stereotypical - but highly effective nonetheless - lockdown fighter with the added perk of being a cleric gish with strong utility casting options. Armed with a formidable ancestral polearm and an affinity for sweeping opponents off their feet, nobody gets past Grachus to the squishies in the back if he can say anything about it, and in particular Tsuki is grateful for the easy sneak attack generation. His other schtick is that he's nearly as quick on his feet as Haldan (a non-trivial feat in and of itself), meaning it's nearly impossible to catch him off guard.

Grachus's primary concern, other than keeping his party safe, is rooting out the evils of slavery wherever he finds it. He does  _not_ tolerate it, and neither does Kruug. Speaking of whom...

_**SHAHEED** _

**Kruug, medium male Level 7 Chaotic Good Half-Giant Feral Path Psychic Warrior, worships Cayden Cailean**

#id=1487166

**STATS**

Str 22(18) / Dex 10 / Con 18 (16) / Int 8 / Wis 18 (16) / Cha 10

79 HP / AC 11 / Flat-footed 11 / Touch 11 / Flat-footed touch 11 / CMD 22 / FCMD 22

Init +2 / BAB +5 / Melee +11 / CMB +11 / Ranged +5

Fort +9 / Ref +4 / Will +6

Manifester Level 7

30ft land movement

3 hero points

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Racial traits_ : Low-light vision, powerful build, giant-blooded, survivor

 _Traits:_ Perceptive Talent (Psionic), Deft Dodger (Combat)

 _Alternate Racial Traits_ : Liberty or Death

 _Favored Class:_ Psychic Warrior, 1 power point at each level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

Gloves of Endless Javelins / +12 / d8+7 force / 20x2 / 30ft / 0lbs

**POWERS**

39 power points

 _Talents (DC14)_ : Detect Psionics, Sense Poison

 _First-level powers (DC15)_ : Inertial Armor, Expansion, Defensive Precognition

 _Second-level powers (DC16):_ Heightened Vision, Hustle, Thought Shield

 _Third-level powers (DC17):_ Expose Weakness

 _Path powers:_ Bite of the Wolf (first-level), Claws of the Beast (first-level)

 _Psi-like abilities_ : Stomp 1/day (ML3, DC13)

**CLASS FEATURES**

Psychic Proficiency

Warrior's Path: Feral Warrior

Expanded Path

Path Skill: +2 Survival, +2 Perception

Martial Power

**FEATS**

Psionic Talent

Toughness

Psionic Body

Psionic Weapon

Power Attack

Cleave

Deep Focus

Great Cleave

**SKILLS**

Craft (Armorsmithing) +9, Handle Animal +7, Perception +17, Survival +20, Autohypnosis +14

**OTHER EQUIPMENT**

Belt of +4 CON +2 STR

Headband of +2 WIS

Muleback Cords

Amulet of Mighty Fists (+Shocking)

Ring of Sustenance

RIng of Protection +1

Cloak of Protection +1

Cracked Dusty Rose Prism Ioun Stone

1250 gold pieces

**GM'S HANDY DANDY EXPANSION, PSIONIC NATURAL WEAPON, AND AUGMENTATION WEAPON CHART, FOR IN CASE THIS DIPSHIT EVER ASKS HOW MUCH DAMAGE HE'S DOING, WHICH HE DOES LITERALLY EVERY COMBAT JESUS CHRIST KILL ME**

Format: Unexpanded, Expansion (one size category), Expansion aug6 (two categories)

_Shocking Claws of the Beast, unaugmented_

+14 / 1d6, 1d8, 2d6 + 7, 8, 9 piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Shocking Claws of the Beast, augmented by 2_

+14 / 1d8, 2d6, 3d6 + 7, 8, 9 piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Shocking Claws of the Beast, augmented by 4_

+14 / 2d6, 3d6, 4d6 + 7, 8, 9 piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Shocking Claws of the Beast, augmented by 6_

+14 / 3d6, 4d6, 5d6 + 7, 8, 9 piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Shocking Bite of the Wolf, unaugmented_

+14 / 2d6, 2d8, 4d6 + 10, 11, 13 bldging piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Shocking Bite of the Wolf, augmented by 5_

+14 / 4d6, 4d8, 8d6 + 10, 11, 13 bldging piercing slashing + 1d6 electricity / 20x2 / 5, 10, 15ft

_Gloves of Endless Javelins_

+12 / 1d8, 2d6, 3d6 + 7, 8, 9 force / 20x2 / 30ft

**LANGUAGES**

Common

**GM's Description:**

Shaheed's guy is an absolute combat monster, if he's ever allowed to nova. That's a potential 16d6+43+3d6 damage in a round swinging at a +12 - if and only if he's allowed to spend three whole rounds buffing and dropping literally over half his daily power points in the process. Fortunately for me, I don't think he or anybody else except maybe Tsuki realizes he's got that much power, and besides, a single Dispel Magic could ruin his day, and beyond that, he'd be able to do this precisely twice (given the hours/level duration of claws) per rest if he spent no power points on anything else... like, say, armor, or thought shield, or defensive precog, or hustle. In any case, he still wrecks face in fights - Grachus trips them, and Krugg proceeds to rip their faces off.

As for his character? I quite like the little act him and Louis have going. Kruug was the young shaman of a half-giant tribe quite happily living the nomadic life before a couple of Cheliaxians who were up to no good started making trouble in their neighborhood. And by making trouble I mean literally enslaving them. Not good. He ended up sharing a cell with Grachus, becoming very fast friends. Fairly quickly, the two of them made plans to orchestrate a breakout. Kruug easily snapped the neck of a patrolling guard and threw Grachus the uniform, allowing him to sneak into the prison's sensitive guts and disable the antimagic field keeping the place's dangerous magic and psionic prisoners on lockdown. Needless to say this did not end well for too many of the guards. After escaping to Andoran with many of the survivors, Kruug suggested sticking together and going on an adventure, to which Grachus quickly agreed.

As mentioned before, there's basically no subtlety to how Louis plays Kruug. He runs in and smashes faces. That's all there is to it. He's Kool-Aid-Manned multiple walls. Occasionally, being a little dim-witted - intuitive, but not even remotely book smart - in-character, he does very stupid things, by which I mean going full-on Leeroy Jenkins. Lucky for him, he's a giant chunk of hit points, so he generally doesn't have too much trouble surviving long enough to get bailed out.

_**TSUKI** _

**Reimako, medium female Level 5 True Neutral Tiefling (Asura-spawn) Pistolero Gunslinger / Level 2 Unchained Rogue Sniper, worships Calistria**

#id=1491960

**STATS**

Str 8 / Dex 22 / Con 14 / Int 10 / Wis 16 / Cha 10

55 HP / AC 22 / Flat-footed 15 / Touch 19 / Flat-footed touch 13 / CMD 24 / FCMD 18

Init +9 / BAB +6/+1 / Melee +5 / CMB +5 / Finesse +12 / Ranged +12

Fort +8 / Ref +15 / Will +5

30ft land movement

2 hero points

ER5 fire

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Racial traits:_ Darkvision 60

 _Alternate Racial Traits:_ Scaled Skin, Prehensile Tail, Beguiling Liar

 _Traits_ : Adopted (Social) - Glory of Old (Racial), Trap Finder (Campaign)

 _Favored Class_ : Unchained Rogue; one skill point at each level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

+1 Reliable Revolver / +13 / 1d8+7 bludgeoning and piercing / 20x4 / 20ft (hits touch within 100) / 4lbs

Battered Pistol / +12 / 1d8+6 bludgeoning and piercing / 20x4 / 20ft (hits touch within 20) / 4lbs

Masterwork Kukri / +12 / 1d4+6 slashing / 18-20x2 / 2lbs

+1 Haramaki / Light / AC+2 / Speed 30 / ACP 0 / Max Dex infinite / ASF 0 / 1lb

**CLASS FEATURES**

Gunsmith

Grit (3)

Deeds: Up Close and Deadly (2d6, 1g), Gunslinger's Dodge (1g), Quick Clear (passive or 1g for swift), Gunslinger's Initiative (passive), Pistol Whip (1g), Utility Shot (1g [Blast Lock, Scoot Unattended Object, Stop Bleeding])

Nimble +1

Pistol Training

Finesse Training (Kukri)

Sneak Attack (1d6)

Accuracy

Evasion

Talents: Combat Trick

**FEATS**

Point-Blank Shot

Gunsmithing

Rapid Shot

Deadly Aim

Precise Shot

Craven

Two-Weapon Fighting

**SKILLS**

Acrobatics +11, Appraise +10, Bluff +19, Craft (Gunsmithing) +12, Disable Device +17, Disguise +20, Perception +13, Sleight of Hand +11, Stealth +16, Use Magic Device +7

**OTHER EQUIPMENT**

Muleback Cords

Handy Haversack

Cracked Dusty Rose Prism Ioun Stone

Cloak of Resistance +2

Ring of Protection +2

Ring of Sustenance

Pathfinder's Pouch

Mask of Stony Demeanor

Gloves of Reconnaissance

Hat of Disguise

Traveler's Anytool

Quick Runner's Shirt

Explorer's Outfit

Wand of Infernal Healing, CL1, 50 charges

63.34gp

**LANGUAGES**

Common

**GM's Description:**

Hoo boy. Tsuki is something else. Start with the backstory. Reimako is basically Zuko, if Zuko had been banished from the day he was born - because he was a devil-looking tiefling complete with a fucking tail and scales and horns - until he attained some honor. And if Zuko had been smart enough to pretty much immediately go "fuck this, this is bullshit, honor is lame anyway." Reimako doesn't give a damn about your petty social constructs like honor or nobility or anything like that. She's all about following her own moral compass and staying alive, wherever that leads her. This is why she gravitated to the way of the gun; some call it fighting dirty or cowardice (on the latter point, she'll concede that she absolutely is a coward, but cowards tend to stay alive a lot longer!), but she calls it pragmatism. This isn't to say she doesn't care about people - in fact, she's grown quite attached to Minrah personally and Grachus idealistically - but she insists on doing it on her own terms and no one else's. The only reason she doesn't think of herself as chaotic is that she abhors anarchy as much as she hates legalism - total anarchy, in her eyes, leads to just as much persecution as the iron-fisted rule of the law.

In mechanical terms, she's a combat monster waiting to happen. As she'd put it, her "build" hasn't fully come online yet, but all she needs is a second revolver and things are about to get spooky. As is, she already hits hard and ignores armor, and is the group's only source of consistent ranged damage (well, until Monika joins anyway). She may even be able to keep up with Shaheed's damage at higher levels, if she plays her cards right.

Also, she's the designated infiltrator and trapmonkey, a role she fills very, very well, much to everyone's relief. But damn if she isn't reluctant about it, because Tsuki really does play Reimako as a Scooby-tier (but more dignified, at least) coward.

_**MONIKA** _

**Amy, medium female Level 7 Neutral Good Tiefling (Rakshasa-spawn) Bard, worships Shelyn**

#id=1479136

**STATS**

Str 12 / Dex 18(16) / Con 14 / Int 14 / Wis 8 / Cha 22(20)

51 HP / AC 19 / Flat-footed 15 / Touch 14 / Flat-footed touch 10 / CMD 20 / FCMD 16

Init +3 / BAB +5 / Melee +6 / CMB +6 / Ranged +9

Fort +6 / Ref +11 / Will +6

Caster Level 7

30ft land movement

1 hero point

ER5 electricity, cold, and fire

**TRAITS, RACIAL BONUSES, AND FAVORED CLASS BONUSES**

_Racial traits:_ Darkvision 60

 _Alternate Racial Traits_ : Beguiling Liar, Pass for Human, SLA exchanged for +2 Charisma

 _Traits_ :Community-Minded (Regional, Rahadoum), The Newlyweds (Cosmic)

 _Favored Class_ : Bard; Human favored class bonus and one skill point at each level

**WEAPONS AND ARMOR**

+1 Composite (Str 12) Shortbow / +10 / 1d6+1 piercing / 20x3 / 70ft / 2lbs

Dagger / +7 / 1d3+1 piercing / 19-20x2 / Melee / 1lb

+1 Mithral Chain Shirt / Light / AC+5 / Speed 30 / ACP 0 / Max Dex +5 / ASF 0 (Bard) / 12.5lbs

**SPELLS**

_Cantrips (At Will, DC16 unless otherwise noted)_ : Dancing Lights, Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Mage Hand, Mending, Prestidigitation, Read Magic, Sift, Spark

 _First-level spells (6/day, DC17 unless otherwise noted)_ : Charm Person (DC18), Grease, Heightened Awareness, Hideous Laughter (DC18), Saving Finale, Silent Image, Vanish, Windy Escape

 _Second-level spells (5/day, DC18 unless otherwise noted)_ : Acute Senses, Cacophonous Call (DC19), Glitterdust, Hold Person (DC19), Silence

 _Third-level spells (2/day, DC19 unless otherwise noted)_ : Confusion (DC20)

**CLASS FEATURES, BARDIC MUSIC, AND MASTERPIECES**

Bardic Knowledge (+3), Well-Versed, Loremaster (1/day), Versatile Performance (Keys, Sing)

 _Music:_ Countersong, Fascinate (DC19), Inspire Courage (+2), Inspire Competence (+3), Suggestion (DC19) / 22 rounds total

 _Masterpieces:_ Symphony of the Elysian Heart

**FEATS**

Fast Learner

Arcane Strike

Prodigy (Perform: Sing, Keyboard)

Spell Focus (Enchantment)

**SKILLS**

Acrobatics +14, Bluff +22, Diplomacy +20, Disguise +16, Intimidate +20, Knowledge (Arcana) +9, Knowledge (Dungeoneering) +9, Knowledge (Engineering) +9, Knowledge (Geography) +9, Knowledge (History) +9, Knowledge (Local) +9, Knowledge (Martial) +9, Knowledge (Nature) +9, Knowledge (Nobility) +9, Knowledge (Planes) +9, Knowledge (Psionics) +9, Knowledge (Religion) +9, Linguistics +12, Perception +9, Perform (Keyboards) +20, Perform (Sing) +18, Spellcraft +12, Use Magic Device +16, Artistry +12

**OTHER EQUIPMENT**

Headband of Charisma +2

Belt of Dexterity +2

Cloak of Resistance +2 / Travel Cloak

Heward's Handy Haversack

\- Umbrella

\- Balancing Pole

\- Perfume Kit

\- Pathfinder's Kit (sans backpack)

\- Masterwork Survival Kit

\- Chronicler's Kit

\- Grooming Kit

\- Star Charts

Neck-slung portable keyboard; custom magical item (CL4 Ghost Sound)

Reinforced Scarf

Explorer's Outfit

\- Wayfinder

\- Silver Holy Symbol of Shelyn

\- Spell Component Pouch

\- 264.20 gold pieces

**LANGUAGES**

Common, Goblin, Sylvan, Lip-reading, Undercommon, Orc, Celestial, Abyssal, Infernal, Draconic

**GM's Description:**

Monika's character, a fairly attractive and athletic but otherwise normal-seeming human-passing tiefling from Rahadoum, a nation best known for its emphasis on harmony and its ban on the open practice of religion, is a wandering musician and poet by trade, who has a habit of always being prepared for anything. In a fight, she's perfectly capable in the fine art of bowmanship, is a capable mind-bending mage in her own right, and uses her magical music to inspire her allies to greatness.

Amy left her hometown in shame after she  _accidentally some people_ with her latent magic in an event that remains mysterious, and now seeks to atone by spreading cheer and love through art to a world in no small amount of turmoil. This made her a natural follower of Shelyn, a similarly artistic-minded deity known for her gentleness and compassion - which is another reason she left her home country, choosing after she found religion to book a passage across the Inner Sea to Andoran, from whence she began her bardic career. A not-so-secret romantic at heart, she's devoted herself, somewhat naively, to the stories of dashing adventure and heroism and romance that she grew up hearing and now spreads wherever she goes. Her not-inconsiderable talent, kind nature, status as a polyglot, and willingness to perform for literally any audience regardless of nationality, alignment, or race has gained her a small amount of renown in local bardic circles and in towns along the northern Inner Sea. Amy truly believes that no one is completely beyond redemption... with the possible exception of herself. Though she keeps it extraordinarily well-hidden, Amy struggles greatly with an inner rage and a jealous streak a mile wide, and has never forgiven herself for the incident that set her to the life of adventuring. Gee,  _I wonder where she got that concept from?_

Amy's signature instrument is a magical keyboard she commissioned from a friend in the bardic community that, thanks to producing its music through a clever application of the  _ghost sound_ cantrip rather than physical strings, has a sound and tone to rival a full piano, yet is reliable and durable - more so than a real baby grand, since it has far fewer movable parts and doesn't go out of tune - and can be carried and played on the go by nearly anyone. By which I mean Monika ran the idea by me and I helped her make it a reality. It's good fluff. Really, Monika's character is a good mix of optimization and fluff; it's fairly obvious that Tsuki had a hand in Amy's generation, but she's built a really good character around it.

##################################################################

 

 **Now, onto some review Q &A! The comments on AO3 are significantly easier to answer, so I always just answer those over there (shoutout to you ** **guys, you're all awesome too!), but FF reviews require me to PM, which. I dunno. I don't generally like doing. Sooooooo with that in mind, let me get to my gigantic backlog of shit. This'll be going from most recent review** _**er** _ **to least recent, and I'll try to hit most of them. The ones I won't be are ones that are just more generic compliments, and the few that I did reply to by PM. Not that I'm devaluing them! Not at all! I love you guys and gals and every single nice thing you lot say in your reviews gives me so much encouragement. I just wouldn't wanna answer the same thing ten times, ya feel?**

@geekqueen2010

Bah, Monika just got lucky that fic!me is frugal as hell. And yes, at least in my state - although most states are the kinda the same. Government jobs can't pay all that well in terms of cash due to limited budgets and statutory limitations, so they have to give 10/10 benefits generally to compete with the private sector. Not that the pay is *bad* but the range they can cover in the payscale is pretty limited. And, as for IHOP and places like that, eh, it's chain prices; expect about 10-15 a person unless you deliberately go cheap. BELIEVE ME THOSE CHEESECAKE PANCAKES ARE GREAT THOUGH. And no, sorry, no switching places with Monika, write your own fic lmao

But as for poking fun at fics? Oh, I do love a little bit of meta here and there. And the parallels between OCs and the other dokis aren't intended. I dare say that some of it is Monika's conscience being an asshole to her and trying to remind her how little she deserves any of this. And D&D? Scheduling issues? Good lord, why, I never! ...by which I mean that's literally 99% of the issue with tabletop gaming is making schedules work. But I will say that if you're looking for escapism and power fantasy and a creative outlet, D&D is great. 10/10 would recommend. Also very good for your mood; I've cleared my mind on bad days with a session dozens of times. 

 

@iMegumeru

PLEASE DO WRITE YOUR OWN FLUFF YOU'RE ACTUALLY LIKE TOP 5 FIC WRITERS IMO I'D LOVE IT

Table-flipping not necessary, but always welcome. ;)

 

@John

Oof ouch owie, my fanhood. I actually am a Pats guy, but to be honest I've been losing interest just because Tom Brady is a goddamn idiot, imo. The bigger deal about that is that, what with living in Pennsylvania, the Eagles fans went fucking nuts. I'm surprised Philly didn't burn down! But anyway, yeah, I was really self-conscious about trying to write in Monika's POV, but apparently it turned out well and people seemed to like it? I dunno. (Story of this fic in general, tbh).

 

@Aren't we all Mario

GO TO SLEEP

 

@aliensinnoh

I'm sure glad it took me this long to get to the reviews because I was about to be sunk on this one. Thankfully, Monika After Story added a feature where you can play piano along with Monika's singing to the song, sooooo.  As for conversations about the nature of the game? Oh, don't worry, that can of worms is gonna come open one day. It has to.

 

@PhoenixBJB (ch6)

No. Not naming her character Mystra, I already exhausted that gag with the cat!

 

@Feng Lengshun

Yeah, I think you're right. I've developed him enough that I don't think he's a blank slate any more, so he does deserve a name. At this point, he's not blank slate so much as Alternate Universe More Responsible And More Attractive And Has His Shit Together!me. So I'm prepared to establish some more details about him.

This, incidentally, is the minor rewrite I mentioned earlier. I'll go back and fill in earlier chapters soon.

So, things that are gonna be canon now: _'s name is Jack (I'll at least keep his name racially/ethnically ambiguous, I think I owe you guys that much for a little bit of projectability) and he's 25 years old. He lives in a city that is based on/draws inspiration from but is not identical to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, United States, in said state. Anything else I'll be developing later. That said, any other resemblance, besides protag to me, kinda but not really, to any particular locale or real person is entirely coincidental. Other OCs are honestly not even slightly like anybody I know IRL - although I did steal a couple of character names and concepts from past games (example: Kruug was the name of an absolutely baller Orog warder in a game I ran, although he's not really much like this Kruug other than being a beefy mother).

 

@Guest (specifically, the fuckin' cheeki breeki one)

I just want you to know that you're a fucking dork and I love you.

 

@DaMastah101 (chapter 6)

Yes. Yes, Wikipedia. In this scenario, her going on a Wiki Walk is actually a good thing. And yeah! I wanted to get some girl time in there. I think I got it. And I appreciate the love for the OCs. I always thought it was weird how little protags in these kinds of stories seem to... well, not really exist other than to be in a relationship with Monika, and it feels flat to me. So I really set out to make Jack's life feel... well, alive. A living world. 

 

@i Am the natsuki 

I dunno, Monika's not gonna get here til 2029 :(

 

@TexFanatica

I always felt like there was more to her than that hiding there if you just took the right bit of inspiration to creatively crowbar it out of her.

 

@pikushi-chan

My dude, you have no idea what you've done with this one. You're so right. Challenge accepted. 

 

@Yuri

You're one to talk about sounding old-fashioned. B^)

For real though, I'm pretty sure she actually calls you that at least once.

 

@pdrocker1

Like I said, man, that's what I'm going for. I wanted a story about real - for a given value of real - people interacting in real ways, just with... ahem... a little bit of Monika thrown in. And to tell you the truth, I'm damn proud of that "Bruh." 

 

@Simply Guardian

You wouldn't happen to be that one guest up above, would you? Anyway, damn straight. I mean, hell, have you seen the art that came out from Satchley of her today? Who could say no to that? And... hmm, a live show, eh? Well, Harrisburg's pretty close to Hershey, and they tend to have some great bands up there.... (Actually, I saw Rush live in Hershey on the Time Machine tour, great experience. Will definitely take you up on this one.)

 

@PhoenixBJB (ch5)

Skating. I've never skated either, but I might just make this happen, because I love the concept.

 

@DaMastah101 (ch5)

There's no way she's that perky all the time. And we know she's a big coffee person. I just put two and two together, and the result was a walking zombie. It's for the best. Lucky her there was Star Wars and Rock Band handy. She definitely does seem like the kind of person who'd love Rock Band, at least, and there's no way anybody wouldn't introduce her to Star Wars at some point, right?

And champagne? Well, when the moment was right, it was ready. B^)

Oh, if it weren't a holiday and the place wasn't mostly empty, there would have been jealousy. I designed the bikini off of that one design by /u/etched on Reddit - the one that basically destroyed the subreddit for a day. Tell me you could resist that. Jack sure didn't.

Can confirm on the buffet. This is why I'm out of shape.

And, uh, well. Like I said. Resistance = failed. Am not going to go M in this fic, though, for reasons I went through in a comment on chapter 6 over in AO3. But I will say, it did get noisy, but I think mostly because it was a really, really emotional experience for both of them. 

 

@SquallLeonhart93

Normalcy is the aim, tbh. It's what slice of life is all about!

 

@ReadingBoy01 

As I said to Simply Guardian: damn right.

 

@SightShadis

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm who's to say somebody hasn't noticed already?

 

@ShikamaruTheLazyShinobi1

It amazes me too. I love this community. Even if certain parts of it (coughcoughthebigdiscordand/ddlc/andadmittedlythesubreddit) can be cancer sometimes! The content creators out there are wonderful.

 

@The Concept of Hope

I thought so too! It's creative, it's escapist, and it lets her indulge both her competitive and Team Mom streaks a little bit. 

I'm definitely doing my best to flesh out everyone I can, while still keeping the focus on Monika and Jack. And no, not New York, but close, I live in Pennsylvania.

And yeah. As I said earlier, I concur. MC's got a name now.

 

@Matt

To borrow from George R. R. Martin, when asked how he writes women so well: "You know, I've always considered Monika to be people." I think that's the secret. Imagine what sort of real person Monika might be that fits in with what we know about her, and you'll get somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, though. I love Sayori too. And I love Yuri. And I love Natsuki. I love all the dokis! All dokis are best doki!

 

@Nickelas

I love you, dude. And honestly, like I said over on AO3 once, there's no way Monika wouldn't adore Hamilton. Rap lover and giant nerd meets intellectually stimulating and funny rap history musical? It's a snap.

And I wasn't actually writing that New Year's scene with Monika getting sad in mind. I just always picture New Year's with Billy Joel's Millenium Concert in mind, and, well, I remembered that song, and wrote it, and then realized what would go through Monika's head.

As for spelling? I blame my word processor, tbh. OpenOffice's is a little wonky, imo. But I'm working on it! Although bear in mind that my style itself is deliberately grammatically imperfect at times, because I like writing in the vernacular. (Sorry, Yuri! And Natsuki, I'm single....)

 

@DaMastah101 (ch4)

me_irl

For real though. LET'S GET MONIKA OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD SOME.

But uh, okay, to be fair, yeah, the places they went were relatively low-end, VS excepted. In Jack's defense, most men are kinda clueless about where women go to shop.

But, about VS? Yeah, buddy, that one he knew what he was doing. Even if he got a little more than he bargained for....

 

@sacke110

Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that one.

 

@geekqueen2010

Nah, grab your pitchforks, I'm an asshole. >_>

 

@DaMastah101 (ch3)

What, you think I was kidding about her nerding out?

Yeahhhhh awkward! But it ended well!

 

@dawicca

Right? She deserves some hapiness. This is my way of giving it to her. Hell, Salvatoverse being the way it is, maybe this is giving her some.

 

@FairyTayle

Is this chapter long enough for you? B^)

##################################################################

_Thursday, January 4_

_Jack_

"...Tsuki helped with this one, didn't she?" I asked, chuckling a little to myself.

"Ahahaha, maybe..."

"Of course she did."

"Why do you ask?" Monika said, as I (jokingly) glared up at her from the couch, character sheet in hand.

"Did she say something about  _me throwing books at you_?"

"...yes. What does that mean, anyway?"

"It means, babe, that you've written something cheesy enough to give the GM trouble, abusing the content of the rulebooks, so the GM is within their rights to chuck your books at your face." I laughed. "I gotta say, this is pretty good. You've got a really solid selection of spells, you've got the right feats to make a bow work, and good lord your skills are... man. You could bluff somebody into thinking a cheeseburger was a steamed ham," I finished, smirking up at her.

Monika looked indignant. "Actually, I picked those spells by myself! Tsuki gave me a few pointers, but she never told me what spells to take!"

"Huh. You really did pick up on this fast. This is good shit. And your character concept... I really like it." Her pout turned into a warm smile at that. "I guess I should have expected it coming from a writer, but... you're really good at this, you know that?"

"Ahaha, I try!~" she beamed.

Internally, I debated whether I should say something about the obvious self-insert of her depression. Nobody else would have gotten it, but for me, it was impossible to miss. In a lot of ways, her story about leaving home was... more or less a direct retelling of her deleting her world and killing her friends. I had to talk about it at some point. I could tell it was killing her; I mean, that right there was some pretty strong evidence. But... she seemed so happy right then. I couldn't bring myself to. Maybe some other time, I decided.

In the mean time, I had something else in mind. I got up and walked over to the kitchen, and reached into a drawer where I'd stashed something when I came home, before I went over to Lia's to pick up Monika.

"Oh, by the way, before I forget, I got you something, dearie. This's why I was late, incidentally..."

I handed Monika a bag full of rolls of ribbon.

"I made a stop at Michael's after I left work. I know how much you love this stuff, soooo..."

Monika threw her arms around me, standing up on her toes, and pressed her forehead against mine before sharing a slow, soft kiss.  _Yep, worth every penny._

"I really don't know what I did to deserve this... but I'm so glad I have you," she whispered.

"Well, it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day for me to get you nice things, you know! Unless you mean in general... in which case, I'd ask the same thing myself. ...I don't know if you realize it, Monika, but you're  _incredible_. I've never met anyone like you, and I don't think I ever will again. I..." I choked up. "Monika, you are  _so loved_. Don't you  _ever_ forget that for one second. I don't care if you don't think you deserve it.  _You are, and you always will be. Always_."

I felt her tears on my shoulder. I suppose the feeling was mutual there.

"Come on, princess, let's get to bed, it's starting to get late."


	8. I Have No Time for Games!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: TW for some rather graphic depictions of violence and death. I apologize in advance for this. On the other hand, woooooo, new update the next day! Also, as discussed in the previous update, which I'll be updating the rest of the fic with ASAP, I've given MC a name - Jack.
> 
> If you're easily disturbed by the aforementioned TW stuff, I'll summarize this chapter in a less graphic manner in the author's notes at the beginning of Chapter 9. There's no shame in skipping over it if you need to for the sake of your mental state, I promise. :)

_Saturday, January 6_

_Monika_

_Aww yes, it's Dungeons and Dragons time!_   _I've been waiting to get my character out and going all week! All my friends are here. Life is great._

I pulled out my cute little 3D printed mini -  _thanks, Tsuki!_ \- and the lovely translucent green dice set Jack got me and moved to join the rest of the club at the table.

"We've been waiting for you, Monika!" one of them said. "I can't wait to get you started!" Jack cut in, beaming up at me from the head of the table. "You ready?"

"Ready as ever, hon."

"Alright. Okay, everyone!" the GM began. "So, to start off, Monika, why don't you roll me a bluff check?"

"Okay!~" I chirped. "What am I rolling for?"

"Well, you were trying to convince Sayori here that she doesn't matter, nobody loves her, and that her and everyone would be better off if she were gone. That's a bluff check, since it's an obvious lie, so you're gonna have to roll that." The room suddenly darkened, and I was acutely aware that Jack's sweet grin was now a dangerous, venemous smirk, accentuated by sharp, cruel shadows. To my right, Sayori stood in the spotlight, pale as a ghost even without the glaring white light sharpening her features, atop a desk chair.

"What? No, I... I'd never..." I stuttered.

"Oooooh, good roll,  _princess!_ " he said with a sneer as the dice came up at on 20. "Roll your Will save, Sayori."

Sayori's bright blue eyes faded to a dull gunmetal grey. "No, I choose to fail the roll. Monika's right. I'm all out of bottles."

"Alright then, your choice," Jack replied, as Sayori unsteadily fell off the chair, hanging from the apartment ceiling in a noose. "I assume you're going to fail your fort save against instant death too?"

"Wait," she mouthed, but no sound came out. A slight light returned to her eyes and her arms suddenly sprung to her life, scrabbling for any kind of purchase on the rope tied tightly around her neck. Sayori's pretty nails dug into her skin, drawing blood, dripping down her opened shirt slowly towards the floor. She struggled in vain as she suffocated, suspended.

I could only stare transfixed. "Ah well," the GM said. "She'll expire in a few rounds as her hit points keep dropping. Nicely done, though, Monika. Perfect use of your charisma to get rid of your opposition. Can't trust anybody. Would you like to try on Yuri too? You have a hero point, so you can totally get another action to use on her too."

I screamed, transfixed, while Sayori continued to desperately claw at the rope beside me, begging Jack to stop the game and help her.

"Oh, nicely worded. I'll let that counterbalance the usual penalty to making a persuasive check as a standard action... and would you look at that," he said, pointing at my dice. "It's another twenty! Let's see if Yuri can beat that!"

Across the table from Sayori, Yuri's normally tender and thoughtful eyes shot open, an unnatural, animalistic quality to them. "I... I can't... control... Monika, what is happening to me? What did you do to us?  _Why did you do this? We loved you!_ "

"Moving on," GM cut in, "I'll take that as a failure, Yuri. You know what that means!"

"No! Monika! Please!" Yuri cried, an equally unnatural laugh cracking into her voice from somewhere beyond comprehension. "I..." she picked up a massive butcher's knife from where it lay on the table in front of her, and with a practiced motion, she slammed it cleanly into her chest, through her blazer, penetrating her sternum and into her heart. She cackled insanely, screaming a blood-curdling "Why?!" in between laughs as the blood spurted out all over the table and everyone in the room, before collapsing on the table, the huge knife having been jammed right through her by the force and sticking cleanly out her back.

I looked down at myself to see blood, tinged slightly blue and purple, coating both my hands and spattered across my formerly pristine uniform. Even my ribbon was now dyed a dripping blood red.

"Well DONE, Monika!" Jack cheered from across the table. "Now there's only one left, and then you'll be able to win my heart!"

"I... what? What..." I sputtered.

"I'd kill you for what you've fucking done to us..." another voice choked out, from the floor beneath me. I looked down to see Natsuki, naked, covered from head to toe in angry bruises, her ribs painfully standing out from her emaciated body, one of her arms quite obviously literally snapped in half with a bone fragment sticking clean through her skin, her neck even snapped to the side. "...if I could still move. But I can't. Whatever, bitch. It's not like you regret any of this, right? You were always so cruel to us, all so you could play your sick game and win some fuckhead. What about us? Not like you cared. Fuck you. You weren't our friend. You never were. You never loved anybody but yourself."

"That's... that's not true!" I protested, finally able to speak for myself. "I loved all of you! I never wanted any of this to happen. I just..."

"Bullshit! Bullshit bullshit  _ **bullshit!**_ " Natsuki screamed, before coughing deeply, hacking up blood in my face. "The only thing you missed about me were my fucking  _cupcakes!_  And what did you do all this for? You think Jack loves you? How could  _anybody_ love somebody like you? You accused us of being fake? You're not even a person, Monika. You're a  _ **fucking monster**_.  _ **Don't you ever forget that, you whore!**_ "

Suddenly the whole room disappeared, replaced by an empty void. Suspended in it was just the five of us. Natsuki grew silent, finally, as Yuri continued to bleed out and Sayori's desperate struggles continued.

"Sorry to just leave your wonderful conversation  _hanging_ there,  _babe,_ " I heard Jack sneer. "But I had to get rid of all the other distractions. You know how that is, right? You see, I needed to get you alone so I could tell you something important: she's right. All of them are right.  _I fucking hate you for what you've done. You're the most evil thing I could possibly imagine._ You think I  _love_ you? Ahahahaha, what the fuck are you  _smoking_? You're a  _monster_."

"Jack, please..." I whimpered.

"You don't need to say anything else. Fuck, all  _I've_ got to say to you at this point is that I wish I could put you back in that hellscape where you belong, Monika."

All four heads in the void turned to stare at me accusingly as one. I took in the sights - Sayori's now-dead eyes staring lidlessly into my soul, Yuri's long and beautiful hair matted with blood and her pale skin now taking on a deathly pallor, Natsuki's blue and broken form, all of them mouthing the same words that I couldn't stop myself from reading, or from hearing directly in my mind:  _"Why did you do this to us? Why do you get to be free out there? What have you done to deserve anything?"_

"Jack!" I cried, shaking.

"Monika," he replied, looking down, almost sad. "Monika... Monika. Monika!"

My eyes snapped open.

##################################################################

_Early AM, Friday, January 5_

_Jack_

"Monika! Sweetheart! Wake up! Please!" I shook her violently, desperately. "Hey, Google, turn on the lights!"

The light next to the bed flared on at full intensity. I squinted involuntary, then looked down as my eyes recovered to see Monika doing the same.

I did the only thing I could think to do. I scooped her up and pulled her up onto my lap, holding my girlfriend's quavering form as tightly to me as I could. She threw her arms around me as tightly as could herself before burying her face into my chest and screaming full-force. Conscious of the time and our neighbors (and also suddenly conscious of the early-morning winter chill, given neither of us were wearing much), I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around us to muffle the noise.

I didn't say anything for a while; just letting her cry it out seemed like the best thing. I started running a hand through her hair, brushing it and playing with it, doing the best I could to soothe her, but beyond that, what could I do?

Eventually, her crying died down to a quiet, repeating whimper. I brushed her hair aside and kissed her temple before pulling her chin up to look me in the eye. "I'm here, Monika. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, darling."

"I... Jack,  _why_?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do this? I'm..." she started sobbing again. "I'm a  _murderer!_  I killed the people I loved! Painfully!  _I'm a_ _ **monster**_!"

I sat there and thought about it for a moment. The skeletons in my closet weren't as big as hers, sure, but I still had a few, so I thought about how I'd want them confronted.

"Monika, the you of back then is not the same you that's here right now. You're not the same person that did all of that to try to escape. No matter what your brain is telling you, you're different now. The very fact that you regret it so much is proof of that. And... for what it's worth, they can be brought back. None of what was done is permanent."

"But they're still stuck in there! And... I'm out here... with you... why do I deserve that? Why not Sayori? She's a perfect ray of sunshine. You would love her so much... she could care for you, in ways I never could. Or Yuri! She's like me, all she ever wanted was to be loved and accepted... and she was so beautiful and so much smarter than me! You would have fallen for her in a heartbeat. And Natsuki... she might not have shown it much, but Natsuki was such a sweetheart, too. She was the liveliest person I've ever known..." Monika continued crying into my chest. "All of them deserve this more than me. Every single one of them. I should be  _back in that thing suffering for what I did_ , not out here being loved by... ahaha, I almost said the man of my dreams, but..."

I just pulled her in as tightly as I could, before coming to a decision. "Monika. We're getting up, come with me a second, okay?" She just nodded. I took us out to the kitchen, fetching some ingredients out of the fridge, a saucepan, and a whisk. Never letting go of her, I turned on the stove and threw a couple of full-size chocolate bars in the pan along with a healthy dose of half-and-half, whisking it as it melted. When it was all melted, I added some cinnamon and a little extra sugar, then poured the concoction into a couple of mugs and tossed in some marshmallows from the cabinet.

"Here," I said, sitting us down on the couch. "It's cold, and you need something sweet."

"Now. You okay to tell me what happened?"

Monika nodded shakily, before launching into a piece-by-piece retelling.

When she was done, I was... simultaneously shocked and unsurprised. Unsurprised that her subconscious was being an asshole, but shocked at its apparent ferocity. I made up my mind to do something  _serious_ about this as soon as possible. In the mean time, levity; time to take advantage of getting her out to see Star Wars.

"Amazing," I said. "Every word of what you just said was wrong."

That got an apprehensive giggle out of her at least. Working as intended.

"I mean that though. You're not a monster. Or a bitch or a whore or unforgivable or underserving or anything at all like that. I do forgive you, and that's not just on principle - I truly believe you're fundamentally a good person and the fact that you regret everything is proof of it. And you know what? Having you here makes me the happiest guy in the world. I'd have given up anything and everything to pull you out of there - or hell I'd have even given it all up to jump in with you - without hesitation. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really, truly think the world of you."

She didn't say anything back to that.

"Tell you what, I'm going to call off work today. I've got a lot of paid time off still saved up, it's no biggie. I won't leave you here by yourself today, alright? Today's an us day, babe."

"You sure?" Monika asked, looking slightly askance. "I'll be okay, I think..."

"I'm sure. It's not a big deal. Honest," I promised.

The two of us sat on the couch in silence for the next fifteen minutes or so, curled up under a blanket, finishing our hot chocolates, enjoying the mutual warmth. Eventually I spoke up.

"You okay to try and go back to sleep? You're gonna hate yourself if you don't."

"I mean, I kinda already do..." she laughed. "No, you're right. Hand me your mug, I'll go rinse this stuff out. I'll be back in bed in a minute." Monika, true to her word, got up and started cleaning everything off. For my part, I trudged back to the bedroom, pulled out my phone, and scheduled a text to my boss for a little later in the morning letting her know I was taking a day for a family emergency and apologizing profusely for the short notice.

Moments later, Monika shut the door to the bedroom behind her, killed the lights, and slid under the covers as tight against me as she could manage.

"You're so perfect," I whispered, running a hand down her side.

She just moaned a happy acknowledgement, pressed back further into me, and then promptly fell right back to sleep.

For my part, I'd made up my mind to try something a little riskier than usual.

##################################################################

The first thing I did when I woke up, seeing no sign of Monika in bed, was reach for my laptop and crack open Gmail. I was looking for something very specific; although I didn't see him any more, I still had my therapist's email address in my contacts. I'd known him since I was twelve.  _Wow. Literally over half my life. Hot damn._ We'd been genuinely close and he was responsible for a lot of the progress I'd made in life, so it just felt kind of natural. And given that I was about to entrust him with something very, very delicate, that was important.

_Hey, doc! I know it's been a couple years, but can I trust you to give me a hand on something? It's gonna be a little weird, but just hear me out, k? - Jack_

To my surprise - he must have been in his office putting notes together for the day - he saw it immediately and responded right away.

_**You have my attention. What's got you so worried that you have to double-check that you can trust me of all people, buddy?** _

_Promise me that you're not gonna tell anybody or, like, think I'm crazy about this._

_**Of course not! You've got permanent client privilege! And come on, it'd take a lot for me to not believe you on something!** _

_Alright, then, promise is a promise. Well, I've got a_ _severe_ _PTSD case here in need of professional help, but I can't get an appointment specifically for her because she's totally uninsured. Would you terribly mind if I set up an appointment to come see you myself and then had you talk to her instead?_

_**Oh gosh, that's a little dodgy, but I get the feeling you wouldn't be asking me this unless it was really important, huh?** _

_Nope. Once-in-a-lifetime favor. Believe me, doc, this is... something else._

_**I take it I'm going to find out more when you come in. Well, I actually just had a cancellation late last night for Monday evening at seven if you can make it in then. Should I pencil you in, my man?** _

_Yessir! I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am, Leo._

_**Don't mention it, honest. You need anything else while you have my attention?** _

_Not that I can think of. Thanks a billion, doc. I'll see you then._


	9. Tell Her About It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really more of a continuation of the second half of Chapter 8 than anything else. Chapter 8 kind of just came as an unplanned spur of the moment kinda deal and I stopped writing when the inspiration left me. Under ordinary circumstances, this'd just be a longer Chapter 8.
> 
> Side note, I promised in the beginning notes that you could skip Chapter 8 in its entirety if you were triggered or disturbed by blood, self-harm, character death, and general violence, and I'd just give you a summary at the start of Chapter 9. So, here goes: Monika had a very, very bad PTSD nightmare, in which she started her much-anticipated D&D game, only for it to turn into her (successfully) rolling to convince Sayori and Yuri to - very bloodily and disturbingly - off themselves, while Natsuki appeared, severely injured from the abuse she'd gotten from her father thanks to Monika. All three of them, plus Jack, but especially Natsuki, then severely berated and chastised her for everything she'd done to the other dokis, culminating in dream!Jack completely and brutally rejecting her. Real!Jack woke Monika up, made her some early morning hot chocolate and consoled her as best as he could before calling off work to spend the day with her and then going back to sleep. After he woke up, Jack realized he was in over his head and contacted his old longtime therapist to try and get her some help.
> 
> Also in this chapter: since I, at the suggestion of you, the readers, decided to make MC less of a blank projection and more of an established character, you get to experience some of the weird shit people say and do around here. And learn a little bit about my state while you're at it.
> 
> Anyway, consider this chapter my apology for the awful, awful things I did to Monika last chapter.

 

_Friday, January 5_

_Monika_

I did not sleep very well the rest of the night. Not at all. Jack, on the other hand, slept like a rock. Me, though, I kept waking up every time I started to dream, like my brain was just not going to take the risk of having another one of  _those._

After another five or so hours of on-and-off sleep, I just gave up. It was getting harder and harder to actually fall back asleep, and I was just  _done_ with it. 'Course, it  _was_ still pretty early in the morning, the sky outside still completely dark other than the city lights, so my mind wasn't really working right. I ended up sitting up in bed spacing out staring at Jack -  _Gosh I wish I could feel as peaceful as he looks right now_ \- for a while before I finally forced myself out of bed to do something. Keeping as quiet as I could, I grabbed my phone, fished some clothes out of a drawer so I wouldn't freeze my butt off in the winter morning chill, hit the bathroom, and crept out into the living room, silently shutting the door behind me. I got the coffee machine going and then pondered what I was going to do until Jack woke up.

_Maybe some clear air would help._

I threw on one of Jack's hoodies, grabbed a blanket and big Thermos of coffee along with my phone, and stepped out into the night, onto the apartment's little concrete balcony. Jack had a couple of - surprisingly comfy - folding chairs squeezed onto it; I plopped down into one and took in the sights.

There was a very slight flurry, just enough to add something of an atmosphere, not enough to do do much of anything else. The sky was still black, and the wind was… chilly but acceptable, with how bundled up I was and the nice hot coffee in my hands.

Of course, the view wasn't something most people would write home about. The big Susquehanna River and the relatively sparse countryside across it was on the opposite side of the highrise. Instead, our side looked out onto Harrisburg itself. Most of the view was just the row homes and the occasional other high-rise of our part of the city, plus some of the - supposedly fairly small, but if that counted as small I was scared to see anything bigger - skyscrapers and hotels of downtown. Barely visible all the way to one side of my vision, though, was the brilliantly-lit green and white dome of the Pennsylvania Capitol, with the gold (I think) statue on top. I'd never really noticed it before other than just observing it was there - in fact, I'd never been out on the balcony before,  _period_ \- but now that I was here, it was a striking sight.

Honestly, everything was. My life had been such a blur the past week. Waking up in Jack's apartment with nothing but the clothes on my back, meeting his friends, going out shopping, ringing in the new year with him, and getting to join his game and get to be good friends with Lia, and all the while frantically studying everything I could get my hands on… in truth, I hadn't really had the chance to just sit down alone for a while and take it all in.

For - I checked - half past six in the morning, Harrisburg was surprisingly busy. It's not as though the streets below me were full of cars and people walking the streets, but there was  _life_ down there. Life beyond just me and a tiny group of people created for a single purpose. There was a whole, vast world out there, and I, just looking over a tiny subset of it, felt so small compared to its enormity.

I saw something big over at the Capitol, and pulled my phone out to take a magnified look through the camera. A large truck with some sort of extendable ladder pulled up on the grounds; I could see a man (or was it a woman - difficult to tell at this distance) standing on top of it reach up for something - changing a light, maybe? A person I'd never met, and probably never would, performing some menial job, one of probably hundreds of such people, at the Capitol Building, a place where representatives of communities all over the state that I might never go to gathered to discuss and make laws about matters that affected millions of people, other people just like me, all living their own lives. And that itself only one of fifty states in a country of hundreds of millions of fellow souls,  _itself_  only one country of hundreds in a world of  _billions_. The sheer scale would have brought me to my knees if I weren't sitting down already.

I'd never felt so small in my existence, and I wasn't sure whether that was terrifying or refreshing.

I kept staring out over Harrisburg as the sky slowly changed from a starless, moonless pitch black to a dark, then increasingly lighter, contoured overcast gray, and more and more the city came to life. Cars began to pull into the Capitol's parking lot. More and more traffic appeared on Interstate 83 outside of town. Lights flickered on in the row homes and the apartments and the office buildings.

 _Life_. One heck of a concept.

An occasional snowflake blew past my face as the flurries picked up slightly; still I sat outside, hunched over, totally lost in my thoughts, taking an occasional sip of coffee.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind, lifting me up out of my chair, before setting me down on something warm ( _a lap?_ ). I was spaced enough that I barely registered any of this, much less had the presence of mind to protest, until I already felt a hand brushing my hair aside and a warm, wet sensation on my temple.

"'Morning, angel. How're you feeling?"

 _Jack._ I felt my heart melt; I nestled my head back against his and the headrest.

"Good morning to you too, sweetie. A little tired, but I'm okay. Especially with you here." I turned my head a little bit to see him and smiled. He smiled warmly right back at me, and I couldn't help but lean in and give him a quick peck.

"I'm happy to hear it. Couldn't sleep though?" Jack looked a little concerned.

"I fell asleep just fine. Couldn't stay asleep."

He was at least a little relieved. "Better than nothing, right?" A warm chuckle.

"Yeah, you could say that."

_Gosh but his arms are warm. This is how I want to die. Can I just make this last forever? Please? I know I don't believe in one or anything, but if there actually is a God out there, let me stay like this forever, okay?_

As if he could sense my thoughts, Jack pulled me in tighter and kissed me again. Heaven had nothing on this. The two of us huddled in the chair against the cold for a few more minutes before either of us spoke again.

"Monika…" he finally said, quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Before I came out, I set us up an appointment for Monday, just so you know."

"An appointment?"

"Yeah. I talked to my old therapist for a little bit. I've known him for most of my life. He'll be happy to meet you."

"What for?" I asked, somewhat dreading the subject.

"That dream this morning… you feel like that a lot, don't you?"

I didn't say anything to that; I just buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"Angel, it's okay. I… kind of know how you feel. Nothing  _quite_ like what you've been through, but. I'm on meds, you know. Before I was on them, I used to stay up all night some nights, thinking over every single regret I ever had. I remember there was this one in particular where I totally blew it with some girl that I spent the next few  _years_ hung up on, and I used to play back speculating how different my life would have been if I hadn't fucked it up. Other nights… I've been through some shit. I never had flashbacks, but it definitely left scars, we'll say that. Point is… I understand. I haven't been through the same things you have, but I've seen enough to get what you're going through. And… you're my girlfriend. My sweet, beautiful, darling girlfriend. You're everything to me. I can't stand seeing you hurting. I want you to know all of that, and that you really can open up to me about anything. I can always take time for you, hell, I took the day off today, didn't I?"

He took a deep breath, not noticing that I was about ready to cry,  _again_.

"But I also know when I'm in over my head. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything. Hell, I didn't go to college  _period_ , I just went straight into the civil service as soon as they hired me, and I figure I'll go back to school as soon as I figure out where I wanna go up from here. But the way I learned to get through things I didn't understand, or even just things I wasn't sure I could handle, was to never be afraid to ask for help. There's always someone out there more qualified than you, and  _that's not a bad thing_. And the point is… I can love you, I can take care of you, I can do my best, I can  _try_ , but… that's about it." My breath caught in my throat. "But Doc Leo? Doc's my man. He's a  _professional_  - as far as I'm concerned, the best there is. He can help you in ways that I can't. I want to see you better, and this is the way to do it. I'd trust him with my life - and seeing how you  _are_ my life as far as I'm concerned, that's pretty important. So I set up a visit with us and him on Monday. You understand? I hope that's okay with you, because we're doing it."

" _I understand,"_ I croaked out, turning around and pressing myself into him as tightly as I could. He did just about the only thing you really could do - to be fair, it was also definitely the  _right_ thing - and ran his hands through my hair, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. "It'll be okay, Monika. We'll beat this.  _Together_.  _I promise_." He accentuated his words by squeezing me tight.

My hands balled into a fist. "This isn't fair. I don't deserve this!" I whispered. "I just don't. You've always been like this. You've always loved me, I could always tell from how you talked to me in the mod or whatever that was. And all I ever wanted was to be with you… and now that I'm here… I feel like I shouldn't be this happy, I don't deserve to be this happy, I don't deserve to get what I want. If I got what I  _deserved_ , I'd still be back in that  _fucking game_ and Sayori'd get the chance to get her revenge for what I did to everyone…."

"Monika, sweetheart. That's the guilt and the depression talking, and you know it."

"That doesn't mean it's  _wrong!_ "

"Let me be the judge of that, okay? I can see…"

"No!" I cut him off. "You never knew any of them like I did. Even if it was all just programmed backstory, they were all my best friends. Sayori worshiped the ground I walked on, and I  _killed_ her. I was the only person Yuri felt like she could be herself around, and I  _killed_ her. Natsuki only felt safe when she was with us, and I  _killed_ her. I betrayed all of them. Betrayed.  _Betrayed._ _ **Betrayed!**_ " My voice rose to a quiet wail through tears. "I knew their thoughts when all of them died… I couldn't bring myself to look away. Even you never got to see those, except for a little bit of Sayori's." I took a breath.

"When she was hanging on that rope, and she came back to her senses, she knew who was responsible. Even as she died she couldn't bring herself to hate me… all she did was ask why I never came to her. You wanna know what her last words in her mind were? 'I guess there's no getting out of this, huh? I loved you, Monika… I wish you'd trusted me. Just treat MC okay, alright? Goodbye….' and then everything else was just her crying. Yuri knew the whole time what I was doing to her, but I kept her from saying anything. So she just cursed me in her thoughts as her mind lost control of her body and she stabbed herself. And Natsuki realized what had happened as soon as she saw Yuri's body. I didn't delete her just to clean up. I deleted her because she called me out, loudly, for my sins and my betrayal, and I was so wracked with guilt that I just deleted her to shut it out and shoved all that feeling down by force. And at no point did I ever stop. I could have stopped and fixed anything at any time, but I never did. I was so selfish…."

"Monika…." Jack started.

"So no, you don't get to decide. I… I know everything I did. I know how horrible I am. And I don't think I'll ever deserve what you're giving me." Jack got a very worried look in his eye.

"No, don't worry," I said. "I'm not leaving you or anything. It's not like that. I just… you need to know what's  _really_ going through my head. You need to know… how  _awful_ your girlfriend really is. I… I wouldn't blame you if you left me, to be honest.…"

For once, it was Jack who was speechless at that. He stared at me like… like he was a puppy I'd just kicked. A mix of immense sadness and hurt and a complete lack of comprehension in his eyes, themselves visibly welling up with tears. I felt my heart shatter with just one glance. And then the tears came. He slumped down in the chair and rested his head on my chest, and I could feel the hoodie starting to get damp.

No words came from him for a minute. I sat up straight and pulled Jack's head as tightly against me as I could.

"How could you ever say that, Monika?" he eventually said, barely able to speak, choking up every other word. "I… Monika, I used to stay awake at nights listening to you - or, well, a version of you - singing in my headphones, wishing you could be here with me. I used to literally cry at ' _I'll leave you be'_ because that's  _literally the last thing I wanted you to do_. For the past few months, I haven't been able to so much as look at another woman. Which sounds really sad when I think about it, but  _I don't care_. You being here with me is the answer to months of wishes and, hell, even  _prayers_. It's like if every dream I've ever had came true all at once. For me to walk out on that… I'd never forgive myself. Never in a million years." Jack pulled himself back up, and the strength came back into his voice.

"Listen, angel. I know. I know you've done bad things. Terrible things. Incomprehensibly awful things. Hell, you know I'd be the first person to try and drive that point home if you still acted like you didn't do anything wrong. But I also know that you would do anything to atone for them, and… I forgive you. And I'm sure Sayori at least would too. Think of that - do you think she'd  _really_ want for you to be like this? Especially knowing how much of a change of heart you've had?" He sighed. "The fact of the matter is, there's literally nothing in this world that could ever make me stop loving you. Maybe I might get disappointed in you about something, maybe I'll be upset - lord knows, we haven't fought yet but it's bound to happen sometime and lemme tell you sleeping on the couch is gonna  _suck_  - but I will never stop thanking God and every lucky star and everything else I can think of that you're here, and I'm never gonna give you up. Especially not just because you think you don't deserve it. That'd be  _beyond_ stupid. I never wanna be anywhere but here. With you."

I leaned my forehead against his, my eyes screwed shut to try and stem the flow of tears.

" _I love you so fucking much_ ," I choked out.

Jack chuckled a little. "I love you too, Monika. More than  _anything_. No matter what. Don't you ever forget it."

I kissed the stubborn son of a bitch.  _Hard_.

The sun finally made it above the horizon, peeking up between the hills to the east and the low clouds. The night was over, and everything was that much brighter.

##################################################

_Jack_

A few breathless minutes later, I realized my gut was growling. "Hey, babe?"

"Yes?"

"You wanna grab a bite to eat? I just realized I haven't eaten anything since we left Andrew and Lia's last night and I'm  _starving_. I mean… hungry enough that I'd rather do something about it than have you on top of me, and that's saying something!" I laughed heartily.

"You  _perv_ ," Monika admonished me, belying her words with a sly wink and a quick peck, before sliding off of me.  _And being a little cheeky with the friction in the process, don't think I don't know what you're up to!_ But she was smiling and cracking jokes and being a total tease, or, in other words, back to her usual self now. Chalk that one up as  _mission accomplished_. Hell, as down as she was earlier, that was so  _mission accomplished_ I could have hopped on an aircraft carrier and put up a banner and addressed the country about it.. _..Wait, that's a really bad analogy considering what happened after that._

"Hey, at least you never have to wonder whether I'm  _really_  attracted to you, right?" I chuckled, deliberately  _obviously_ looking my girlfriend over.

"Considering I can tell you're almost as hungry for  _me_ as you are for some eggs right now…  _boys_. You're all the same!" she pouted as she walked through the sliding door.

"Hey, you love it!" I called after her.

"...Yes, but that doesn't make you any less of a  _perrrrrrrrrrv_!" Monika sing-songed.

I got up to follow her into the apartment and shut the door behind me. "Guilty as charged, but you're the one who jumps  _me_ at  _least_ half the time, so that makes you just as bad!"

"Okay, fine. We're  _both_ still in our  _horny teenager_ phase. You happy?"

I smirked. "Actually, I'm in my 20s, remember, so… I guess you're just that damn sexy?"

"...Shut up and get the stuff out of the refrigerator, babe. Sex on an empty stomach is no fun. And don't even  _think_ about cracking the joke I know is in your head right now about that. It doesn't work on me, I don't eat meat!"

I stood there slack-jawed for a second while that sank in. "Jesus Christ, Monika!" I guffawed.

"What? I was a final-year high school student. I can roll with the best of them," she giggled.

I just shook my head and cracked the fridge open. Where I discovered, to my dismay, that we were all out of eggs  _and_ milk. Plenty of bacon, but as she'd just reminded me, that wasn't an option for a whole breakfast, so we were kinda screwed.

" _Baaaaaabe!_ The milk and eggs are all!"

"All what?" Monika called back.

"Oh. Right. Um. Yeah, this is Pennsylvania Dutch country, and we say some pretty weird things, even the people who aren't actually Pennsylvania Dutch themselves. You kinda pick it up."

"Dutch? That doesn't  _sound_ Dutch." Monika had walked back over, and was looking at me like I had two heads.

"Oh, actually, the Pennsylvania Dutch aren't Dutch, they're German." I corrected her. Now my girlfriend was looking at me like I not only had two heads, but also three arms, and had just told her I was the president of the Galaxy and I was on the hunt for the legendary planet Magrathea after stealing the brand new starship  _Heart of Gold_. I pressed onward. "It's a corruption.  _Deutsche_ to Dutch, they're German immigrants. Anyway. 'It's all' generally means 'it's all gone,' the 'gone' is implied. It's a regional dialect. Fascinating stuff for linguists."

"People really are weird, aren't they?" she deadpanned. "Anyway, if the breakfast stuff is  _all_ -" she rolled her eyes, "- then what do you want to do?"

"Well, I could see if the little shop downstairs has any, orrrrr we could just go out to eat. Actually, I like that idea. I just thought of something I want you to try…."

Monika raised an eyebrow at me. "Is this an 'oh, you're gonna love this!' or a 'I want to see if I can get her to actually eat this' thing?"

"Definitely the first. You're gonna love it. And then we can pick up some eggs on the way back, how does that sound?"

##################################################

_Monika_

_Bob Evans_. I briefly wondered if there was an actual person named Bob Evans behind this place, or if it was just some folksy-sounding name some businessman had attached to it.

Either way, I could  _feel_ myself getting fatter eating at this place. For example, Jack insisted that I try the peach tea. I immediately regretted it. A couple days ago, he'd gotten me to try his favorite candy, these things called  _peach rings_ (well, actually, he clarified,  _peachy penguins_ were just straight-up superior, but much harder to find). I had to admit, they were pretty good, in small amounts. This peach tea, though? It tasted  _almost exactly_ like that candy with every sip. I couldn't take it, not as a drink anyway. Back to my coffee (yes, this was my second helping of coffee this morning, and no, you may not shame me for it! I have a problem, and I'm not afraid to admit it!). Fortunately, Jack had no such qualms. I had a bit of a bad feeling about what he had planned for food.

And then breakfast came out. Steak and eggs and hashbrowns for him, just eggs and hashbrowns for me, and for both of us, some sort of… it looked like a lot like a really thin version of those IHOP pancakes, rolled up and stuffed with cream, with strawberries and some sort of strawberry sauce liberally heaped on top and whipped cream added. It looked more like a dessert than a breakfast. I just stared at it.

Jack noticed my hesitation. "Oh, those are crêpes. French pancakes. Literally just normal pancakes but way thinner, for the most part. The sweet kinds, with fruit and stuff like that, you eat those either as breakfast or as dessert - they're delicious either way! - and then there's ones that you stuff with things like meat and cheese and such that you can eat for lunch and dinner. Trust me, these things are  _incredible_. Here." He reached out with a fork, sliced a piece off the end of one of the crêpes, and promptly - and far less romantically than you might imagine - shoved it in my mouth. I saw sparks anyway, though.

"You weren't lying, that's incredible. Wow. I hope you didn't want any…." I said mischievously.

"How about you chill a little and save some for me? I'll get some to go for you, but let me have some, dammit!" Jack growled, though with a playful look in his eye.

" _Hmmmmmm_ , if you  _insist…._ " I teased him.

We laughed it up for another solid hour in the restaurant before heading back to the car, with  _two_ orders of crêpes to go.

On the way back outside, I looked over at him and asked, "Where to next, babe? Back home?"

"Nah," Jack replied. "It's quarter after 9 by now, so that means I can do something else while we're out… I was gonna do this on Saturday, but, perks of being home today, we can do it now."

"What's that?"

"You'll see! It's a surprise!"

In the car, Jack hooked in his phone and fired up some music. I knew he'd never been the  _biggest_ rap person, even if he did appreciate it, but nonetheless he had a pretty solid playlist of some of the greats. 2Pac, Snoop, Jay-Z, Kanye, Common, Nas, Biggie, Kendrick, Andre, Rakim, he hit a lot of what I knew to be the high points. And he loved playing it for me. But it occurred to me right then that I'd never really gotten more than a small taste of what  _Jack_ liked.

"Hey, hon?" I said.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you play some of  _your_ stuff? You don't have to make everything about me, you know! I'd love to listen to music  _you_ like too, ahaha~..."

"You sure?" he asked. "Fair enough. Put it on shuffle... hope you like Billy Joel…." he said, pulling up another playlist. As soon as it started playing, Jack got this lovely warm smile on his face and started singing along almost  _immediately_. I know I said this the other day, too, but while he doesn't have the greatest singing voice, obviously not properly trained or anything, he still sounds pretty good in his range, in an amateur kind of way. I know that sounds like faint praise, but trust me, to me it's still the most wonderful sound in the world. I'm biased, of course, but still.

_Victor was born in spring of forty-four / And never saw his father any more..._

##################################################

Another twenty minutes of driving and singing later, I got my surprise.

"Welcome," Jack said with grandiosity, pausing his music, "to your  _friendly local game store_!"

"And just what are we going to do here?" I asked.

"Just come with me, my lady!"

I sighed, facepalmed, and followed.

Inside the store were shelves and shelves of books and boxed sets and board games and packs of cards. I was pretty impressed. There were apparently enough people into this sort of thing to support dedicated hobby stores. And then, as I was looking around, I heard a very familiar voice.

"Jack, you son of a gun, what are you doing here? And you brought your girl with you!"

I turned to see a black man about Jack's age or maybe a little older in a spiffy-looking uniform walking towards us, with a nametag on his chest that read [ _LOUIS - GENERAL MANAGER_ ].

Jack punched him on the arm. "Louis! It's good to see you, buddy! You ready to get shrekt tomorrow?"

At this, the guy behind the counter perked up. I didn't recognize him, but he clearly recognized Jack. "Ay, Jack, long time no see!"

"Oh damn, Travis, you're still here? Good to see you too, dude!" He waved, paused, and then turned back to Louis. "Anyway, yeah, I took the day off. Figured I'd take Monika here to pick up a couple things for the game since we were out anyway, y'know?"

"Awww, and here I thought you were just dropping by to see me, bro. I'm  _heartbroken_. Man,  _whatever_. Just get what you want and get the hell outta my store!" He stopped for a second, his face twitching, before busting out into a full-on cackle. "Nah, can I help you get anything for the girl?"

Jack looked around for a second. "...Did you guys move the minis?"

Louis, too, had a quick look around. We were the only customers in the store.

"Bitch, are you  _blind?_ You've been staring at them the whole time!" He pointed right over his shoulder with his thumb.

I couldn't help it, I bent all the way over laughing. Travis at the register joined in. Jack, for his part, just grabbed the bridge of his nose and muttered, "I get it, I'm an idiot. You people done?"

Louis and I looked at each other. "...Nope!" we both said at about the same time, getting right back to cackling up a lung.

The moment passed and I plodded over to the rack of miniature figures. "See any you like, hon?" my boy asked over my shoulder.

I poked around a little bit until I pulled out a… well, I have to say, frankly  _pretty badass_ -looking girl with hair that looked like my color and a bow in her hands, looking like she was ready to ruin somebody's day. "I think I like this one," I told him.

"Alrighty! That's done, now let's go get you some  _dice_."

Easier said than done in some ways; the dice display was  _massive_. How anybody actually picked anything out was beyond me. Jack, though, immediately saw something that caught his eye. "These," he said proudly as he fished for a set, "just scream  _you_."

He wasn't wrong. They  _were_ beautiful. They were a translucent emerald green, with a bright, fiery golden tinge to them - a perfect match for my eyes, I would imagine was his thought process - and… oh no.

" _Jack_ ," I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Those are…" I gulped. "Those are  _exactly_ the same dice from the dream…"

"Alright, mark me down as little creeped out! Oh well, no problem, we'll find something else. Shame, they're perfect."

"Yeah…" I said, still a little bit in shock. I went back to looking, still no small task. Eventually I found another set I really liked - a set of white, pearly-looking dice with gold-colored trim.

"Oh, I love those. Good choice!" Jack said once he got a look at them. "Let's get you a couple more sets, go for three, since you'll need two or three of a lot of them, and then we'll get you a bunch of d6s - unless you wanna just use mine. Mostly just in case you ever decide to pick up a wand or play a blaster wizard… or in case we ever play Shadowrun. Hello,  _forty_ dice pool…."

I had zero idea what he was talking about, but I at least got the implication of needing forty dice, and shuddered at the idea of throwing that many.  _Still, may as well get some if he thinks I'll need some._ I found two more sets of the same dice and then grabbed, at Jack's suggestion, a box of thirty-six d6s in a cool green swirl-pattern.

"Do I need anything else, babe?"

Jack looked thoughtful for a second. "I think just one more thing…" he said, then wandered off; I followed, interested, as he paused in front of a display full of drawstring bags. "Maybe this one…" he mumbled. "No, definitely this one." An emerald green - of course - bag made of a soft, plush, velvety fabric with the words  _Dice of Dubious Results_ sewn across the front came off of the shelf in his hands. "What do you think?"

I had to admit, it was pretty nifty. "I love it!"

"Alright, Monika," he said, then handed me some money. "You wanna go ahead and go up and pay for this stuff? I'm gonna look around for a little bit more and then I'll be right out."

"Sure thing," I told him, while he headed back to another part of the store.

About five minutes later, as I sat in the passenger's seat feeling the fabric of the new bag - it was just  _so soft!_ \- I saw my boyfriend come out of the store with another bag in his hands. "What's in there?" I asked him as he clambered in.

"I was just picking up a copy of one of the new adventure paths that came out, no biggie. You wanna head home next?"

"Sure, I guess. Any other plans for us for today?"

"Not  _really_ , no. I was gonna do a little bit of prep work for the game tomorrow, but since you're playing now…."

"What, you think I'd  _cheat_?  _Jack,_ I'd  _never_!"

"It's  _surprisingly hard_ not to metagame when you know what's gonna happen. Nothing against you!"

I gave him my best  _oh-you're-in-the-doghouse-now_ pout, although I knew he was probably right. Make the boy a little nervous, playfully-like. Never a bad thing.

He put the music back on, and the next song on the playlist picked up.  _Interesting little piano intro… sounds like it'd take some, practice but... oooh, the verse is really nice and smooth too…._

_I could learn this._

Jack, of course, was belting out the words at the top of his lungs.

_It's niiiiiine o'clock on a Saturday! The regular crowd rushes in…._

It was good seeing him this happy about something.

Another fifteen minutes and we pulled back into the parking lot of the high-rise. After we parked, Jack reached over and rested a hand on my thigh, while he leaned over and pecked me on the cheek. "Hey. How ya feeling, angel?"  _Is this heaven?_

"Really great, actually. I really do appreciate you staying home today. I'm feeling a lot better… you've been a big help." I turned my head and just straight-up kissed him. "Ahaha, I guess it goes without saying, but you're the best thing that's happened to me." He just smiled, brushed my hair for a moment, and then grabbed a bag and stepped out of the car.

##################################################

_Jack_

_I'll call today a success._ Monika was  _visibly_ feeling a lot better, we were both well-fed, and we picked up some last-minute stuff she needed to play tomorrow. And a little surprise for her, but she didn't need to know about that just yet; I hid the bag with  _that_ in it under the bed, then sat down and got to work on writing. Monika walked over and gave me a quick kiss before making a beeline straight for the keyboard and plugging some headphones in, looking something up on the laptop, and getting started. I wondered what she was up to, but figured I needed to concentrate on the prep work.

Most of the rest of the day was us slaving away at our respective tasks - whatever hers was - interspersed with bathroom trips, meals, one instance of  _physical interaction_ , and finally some cuddling on the couch watching TV before bed.

I took her hint earlier and was working hard to get her into some other stuff I was into. Tonight's task was to get her hooked on my favorite television program of all time, an old 70s drama/comedy called  _M*A*S*H_ , about a cast of Army doctors and nurses trying to stay sane in the middle of the Korean War. I was the proud owner of the entire boxed set! The humor was bawdy, raunchy, and oftentimes very,  _very_ dark (though, since we started from the beginning, not so much so as later seasons), but she seemed to be enjoying herself, which made  _me_ pretty happy. The interactions between Colonel Blake and Corporal "Radar" O'Reilly were her favorites, from the looks of it. " _I'm afraid he's doing some very important sleeping for the Army right now!"_ got her absolutely in stitches.

Monika and I got a good ways into the first season - stopping after the fifteenth episode - before it started to get awfully late and both of us started getting a case of the good ol' fashioned lead eyelids. I took that as a good sign in and of itself, considering we spent the better part of six hours binge-watching the show.

"I really, really like those actors," Monika said to me as we brushed our teeth in the bathroom. "They're absolutely incredible. Especially Hawkeye's - who is that?"

"Alan Alda," I told her. "He stays on for the rest of the show and ended up being one of the writers too. He's great and a great guy too. I like Father Mulcahy's character a little better, and Sidney Freedman, you haven't met him yet, but it's not by much."

"Glad to hear he doesn't leave. How long is the show anyway?"

"Uh…" I thought for a second. "Eleven whole seasons, I think, plus a movie-length finale at the end."

"Oh wow…."

"Yeah. I'm telling you, this was  _the_ show at one point. People used to tune in to watch this in the millions every week, and the finale… more people watched  _Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen_ than any other show in TV history other than a couple of recent Super Bowls." I started gushing, but Monika cut me off. Gently.

"...You're such a  _nerd_ , you know that? Ahahahaha~!"

"Takes one to know one. Don't worry, you're a  _cute_ nerd at least!" I chuckled, pecking her on the forehead in the process.

Now, mind you, at the time, Monika was standing in front of the sink, her hair a gigantic, shower-soaked bedheaded mess, her makeup that she hadn't gotten around to finishing taking off yet all messed up, with an old shirt of mine draped over her and a plain set of panties for bottoms, with a toothbrush jammed in her mouth and toothpaste foaming everywhere. The charitable term for her right that second would have been  _frumpy._

And yet.

I looked her over and my heart just  _melted_.

She must have noticed me staring, because she pulled her toothbrush out of her mouth, itself still coated with toothpaste - she looked like a little kid pretending they're Santa Claus with a bubble bath beard - and glanced over at me. "What's up, hon?"

For my part I was too zoned out to hear her the first time. "Hon?"

"Oh. Sorry, I was just spacing out."

"What's on your mind?" she asked, a little concerned.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking… I'm the luckiest dude on the planet."

Monika looked herself up and down in the mirror and raised a very skeptical eyebrow at me, in what I'd call a  _perfect Mister Spock impression_.  _Hmm, gotta get her into that too sometime, actually_. "You're crazy, but I'll take it." She smiled warmly… which just looked hilarious with the ring of white around her mouth. I had to suppress a little bit of a laugh. "Whaaat?" she said.

I couldn't take it any more; I silently reached for a washcloth and wiped her face off before I straight-up lost it, saving myself. Unfortunately, this had the opposite effect on her and  _she_ busted out laughing at the whole situation. I just sighed and walked out to the bed. Monika joined me a minute later, turning out the lights in the process. I lifted up the covers and let her in.

"So, you ready for tomorrow?" I asked as we snuggled in.

"I'm  _so_ ready. I can't wait to actually be as good with people as everyone seems to  _think_  I am."

I snickered a little. "Me, I just can't wait to make you have to roll another new character."

"You wouldn't  _dare_."

"What are you gonna do, kick me out of  _my own bed_?"

" _Yes!_ "

"Oh." I mulled that over for a moment. "That'd be pretty bad. Yikes. Okay, I won't go  _out of my way_ tomorrow."

"You're lucky I love you!" Monika snarked back at me.

"Yes, yes I am," I replied. "The luckiest." I pulled her head towards me and kissed her.

"God, I'm pretty lucky too, I have to admit," my girlfriend whispered back to me. I just responded by pulling her in as tight as I could without crushing her.

"Get some sleep, angel. We've got a heck of a day tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Monika's first real D&D game as Amy, the tiefling bard!
> 
> Gonna try implementing the whole ETA thing that I put in the description for FF.net here. Update 3/1: ETA on Chapter 10 is by the end of the week (3/3); I'm over 6000 words in and nearly finished.


	10. I'm Attacking the Sadness!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TODAY! The group plays D&D! I hope this was worth the wait, because I pushed back the deadline twice. For anybody who doesn’t super care, go ahead and scroll down until where the bracketed lines end, and there’ll be some fluff afterward. As for the gaming itself, I will say this: I rolled all the dice for it myself. I did not fudge a single roll. You will understand why I’m saying this in due time.

_Saturday, January 6_

 

 

 

 

 

 

" _Dungeons and Dragons. Gary Gygax's game. Your nerd-ass apartment mates, like it or not, are attracted on their boring weekends to the stupid, and a game like D &D fuels their rampant need for munchkinry and makes them feel like they're kinda funny sometimes, while drawing them deeper and deeper into the bowels of…"_

_***SMACK*** _

A d20 hit Andrew square in the chest.

"Andy, I swear to God, if you make one more reference to that  _fucking_  Alewives sketch, I'm going to kill your character and make you roll a Commoner. You know what? Fuck it. I'm putting Alewives jokes on the banned pile with the Monty Python references." The GM was clearly unamused.

" _Brave, brave Sir Jacky, bravely banned the memes!"_ came Shaheed's absolutely terrible singing voice.

Jack facepalmed. "Can you just go die or something please?"

Andrew couldn't resist. "Two words:  _diversified portfolio_."

The GM just glared daggers at him. " _Anyway_. Last week, we left off right after Lilian the drow wizard kicked the bucket from a crit to the face and  _somebody_ " - Jack stopped glaring at Andy and directed his gimlet eye to Monika - "flipped the fucking table. I ended the encounter there and you should have all gotten the email about loot. I'm just going to assume, as usual, that you looted everything that wasn't nailed down and - some things that were, looking at you, Ms. Adamantine Hammer and Ms. Munchkin, the Dastardly Duo of Dynamic Entry - and put it on Kruug's back before heading back to town because I can't be assed to pull up everything. Any objections?"

There were none.

"Alright. It'll take you a few days to make it down the mountain and then another day to make it back to town proper. First day goes by uneventfully. But coming back down the mountain on the second day, as nightfall draws near, it starts to get very, very cold and windy. Kruug, survival check?" A moment later: "Ooh, nice roll."

##################################################

"I sense a powerful storm coming on," the half-giant said. "What do we do, Grach?"

The Desnite cleric answered quickly: "It wouldn't be wise to be caught exposed on the windward side of a mountain during a blizzard. We should stop our descent and seek shelter, before the storm is on us and we can't see at all."

**["Fuck. That's a modified 0 on my wisdom check."]**

**["In-game or in real life?" Andrew snarked. Lia smacked him.]**

**["In real life. For shacking up with you, dipshit!"]**

This drew dismissal from Minrah. "Bah. Mom always told me that no bad weather could stop a  _true gold dwarf._ Maybe our sissy shield cousins, but do I look like one o' them? Not likely!"

"Minrah. Desna's protection is powerful, but stupidity is the surest antidote."

"He's right, Minrah," Haldan cut in. "And if nothing else, think of this: you may be fine, but what of the rest of our guild? I for one don't fancy the idea of being stuck outside in a blizzard, and neither does my little Sanic here." He reached up to his shoulder and gave his shivering hedgehog familiar a scratch. "And… oh dear. From the looks of it, Reimako's already decided discretion is the better part of valor. Can't say I'm surprised."

Grachus merely sighed. "Right. Kruug, you know the deal by now, right, man? Follow that tiefling!"

**[Unseen by anyone else, Jack handed Tsuki a note under the table.]**

"What the hell is that sound?" the rogue muttered to herself, pressing deeper into the cave. An unnatural chill hung in the air, and the walls began to be covered in a thin but perfect sheet of ice, marred only by large claw marks. Reimako was unnerved, but driven on by her curiosity at the strange sounds emanating deep from the cave. It sounded almost like…  _music_ , more and more so as she delved deeper - being sure to mark her progress on outcroppings of rock with pieces of chalk so she could find her way back out.

Meanwhile, Kruug followed Reimako's tracks to the entrance of an icy cave in the mountainside. "Looks like she went in there, Grach. Place gives me the creeps."

Haldan studied the cave. "Lots of branching paths from the looks of it. Reimako could be anywhere in there."

**[The GM sighed, noting that everyone's passive perception checks failed thanks to the strengthening snowstorm. This sort of thing always happened to him whenever he actually wanted the group to go somewhere. Fudge time.]**

**["Minrah, you notice something, just because you're good friends with her, and you remember her talking about this more than once. There's tiny little chalk drawings on the walls of the cave, like the kind Reimako always leaves everywhere."]**

**["Oooh! Yeah, I do remember those! She's scared of everything, the little bitch, so she always marks a way back." Lia winked at Tskui.]**

"Hmm. Yeah, I can follow these," Kruug said, looking the markings over.

"Hey," Grachus cut in. "Anybody else hear that?"

"Hear what?" the wizard asked curiously.

" _Music_."

**[Monika suppressed a giggle.]**

Reimako, up ahead,  _definitely_ knew she was hearing a piano now. And what sounded like singing, but in a language she didn't know. She slowed her pace and crept very,  _very_ quietly along the caves towards the source of the sound, a mixture of perplexed and terrified. The caves were completely dark this far in, but being a tiefling, Reimako had darkvision to rely on. She gently peered around a corner...

And couldn't believe her eyes  _or_ her ears.

An absolutely  _gorgeous_ humanoid woman, loosely bound to the floor by what looked like chains made of ice, was singing and playing piano in a large - no,  _enormous_ \- chamber, on top of of a perfectly-carved ice stage. The whole place carried the sound of the music perfectly. Reimako was no engineer, but she recognized architecture shaped for sound when she saw it - mostly because she'd spent a lot of time in her youth pickpocketing the rich upper crust in places like that. And this musician had an audience. An apparently somewhat impressed, or at least  _amused_ , audience.

Of dragons. _Plural_.

**[** _**"Oh, shit!"** _ **Shaheed whispered.]**

**[Lia stammered too. "Um."]**

The party caught up to Reimako not long after; upon seeing them she frantically motioned for the group to stay  _quiet_. Haldan immediately figured out  _why._

**["Welp, there goes my nat 20 for the day, on a friggin' knowledge roll," Andrew sighed. "At least I know** _**everything** _ **about white dragons today, right?"]**

"Oh," he mouthed. "White dragons. Pretty young ones… I wonder where the momma is… and what they're doing with that girl." He didn't have to wait long. The bard - it was pretty obvious that she was one - finished her song, prompting one of the dragonlings to speak up menacingly in Draconic.

" _Sssso, bard. Have thee any other melodies to stave off our appetite? Thy music is intriguing, no doubt, and a worthy addition to our knowledge, as thou claimed, but we grow hungrier, and thou art looking tastier and crunchier by the moment. Alas, brother Pusarth, knowest thou where mother keeps the ketchup?"_

**["Are you shitting me right now?" That was Lia. "You're gonna make a 'crunchy and tastes good with ketchup' joke with some fuckin' Ye Olde Englishe-speaking white dragons?"]**

**["You're goddamn white," Jack replied, in his best Breaking Bad impression. Everyone at the table groaned, except Monika, who quietly piped up, "...I don't get it."**

**[Jack just looked over at her and said, "I'll tell you when you're older." She glared at him and joined the others in the loud communal groan.]**

**["So,** _**Amy** _ **, you've got a bunch of hungry-looking young dragons eyeing you up like they're gonna eat you up in a very bad-touch kinda way. What do?" the GM asked expectantly.]**

**["Ah… I'm guessing the answer is 'give them what they want?' I'll roll Perform, I guess. Yay, first dice r… oh no."]**

**[Two perform checks. Two d20s. A one and a three. The GM died of laughter that day.]**

Whatever Grachus was expecting, he was not prepared to see the poor girl trip over her chains and fall on her face as she tried to start her song with a flourish. The dragons - he could now tell there were four of them - unmistakably cackled in what sounded to him like Draconic -  _makes sense_ \- before getting up and looming over the girl.  _That's not good_. The Desnan shared a look with the rest of the party, then let the wizard go first.

**["Sorry about this, Monika, it'll buff out." "Wait,** _**what?** _ **"]**

**[The GM, knowing what was coming, was already reaching for his d20s. "Surprise round, the other four of you. Figure out what you're doing and roll initiative - you too on that, Monika - while Andy rolls his damage dice."]**

**["32 damage and they're vulnerable to fire, which is… 48? 24 if they save? Fuck yo couch, Jack."** _**"Oof."** _ **]**

The darkness of the ice cave was suddenly illuminated by a brilliant explosion as all four young dragons and the bard were caught up in a massive  _Fireball_. One of the dragons, at least, saw the spell's telltale bead flying at the nest and hit the deck, shielding himself with his wings. Amy, likewise, was  _already_ on the ground, but was able to roll as far away from the blast as the chain would let her. The other dragons were too focused on their next meal to do much of anything about it, and took a massive blast to the face.

**["Owwwww, you caught me in that, Andy…" Monika moaned.]**

**["Ah, suck it up, you made your reflex save and you've got fire resist 5. Like I said, it'll buff out!"]**

**["Wait, I do? Ah, okay, add 5 health back…"]**

**["Yes, aasimar and tieflings are** _**great** _ **, are they not?" Tsuki beamed.]**

Reimako acted next, casually stepping out of cover and firing a shot from her revolver at a dragon that looked like it'd been sufficiently burned, managing to finish it off. Somewhat less impressively, she was followed up by Grachus casting a simple  _resist energy_ charm on himself, having been made aware of the dragons' ice breath. Next, surprisingly, was Minrah, who, somewhat less surprisingly for the brash paladin, moved out of cover and directly into the fray by herself.

**["...Goddammit, if I'd known you were gonna do that I'd have cast Resist Energy on** _**you** _ **," Louis sighed, shaking his head.]**

**[Lia just laughed it off. "What, you think Minrah's ever gonna think to** _**tell** _ **anyone she's about to do something stupid?"]**

Following this up was the visually terrifying display of the already-massive Kruug suddenly psychically growing to twenty-eight feet tall.

**["** _**Two** _ **size categories? I suppose it's** _**that time** _ **in the game now…" Tsuki muttered, fully aware of the hypocrisy in her complaining.]**

**["Hell yeah, motherfuckers! We eating roast dragon for dinner tonight!" Shaheed crowed.]**

**["...Whoa…." Monika breathed. "That's insane…."]**

**["First person to say 'expand dong' gets a d4 in their shoe, by the way," Jack pre-empted, rolling for the remaining dragonlings' initiatives.]**

Miraculously, one of the survivors was the first to act as the smoke dissipated from the Fireball. A dragonling dove for a pile of their parents' belongings in the back of the cave, quickly recovering a scroll and casting off of it. Haldan cursed as he quickly identified the spell -  _communal protection from energy_. Another Fireball wasn't going to solve this.

**["Asshole!" Andrew laughed.]**

**["You do not get to be an old white dragon without being prepared. White dragons might not be as smart as their cousins, but stupid they are** _**not** _ **," Tsuki cut in.]**

**[Shaheed this time: "Who said anything about an old one?"]**

**[Louis answered with a touch of dread in his voice. "Bro. They're chaotic evil dragons. There's not gonna be a whole fuckload of them together in one place unless they're being** _**raised** _ **."]**

**["Nice character knowledge, fuckboy!" the GM laughed. "I'll be nice, though. Monika, Andrew, anybody else with knowledge arcana, roll it for me to see if any of you know this in character. Otherwise…."]**

**[Two dice rolled out, and neither rolled very well. Andrew actually managed to roll a 1, with Monika pulling up a 11 - in other words, a tie. "Wait," Monika said, "your Intelligence is** _**what** _ **?"]**

**["Much to learn, you still have, Monika!" Jack's Yoda impression left a lot to be desired, but it got his message across. "Either way, I'm afraid neither of those are good enough, and if they don't know, none of y'all do. For all you know, this is the dragon equivalent of a frat house. Or this D &D campaign, maybe. Yeah, Haldan, you think they were just playing Houses and Humans together with this nice lady as live entertainment. Definitely no angry mommy coming back at any time."]**

**[Andrew: "Oof."]**

Thinking quickly, Haldan came up with an alternative course of action, then peeked the corner. " _Alright then, you frigid fratboys! Let's see how you handle_ this _!"_ the scrawny-looking old man shouted in an unnaturally loud and  _incredibly inappropriately-dignified_ voice, in three remaining dragonlings struggled with their bodies as Haldan's  _slow_ washed over them... and absolutely failed to fight it off. Satisfied, Haldan slipped back around the exit of the cave and into cover.

_I'm no mage, but I know an opportunity when I see one,_ Reimako thought, dropping to a knee and unloading a full volley of shots from both of her pistols at the dragon currently looking the healthiest.

**["Jesus Christ, you dropped it," Jack sighed.** _**I deserve an Oscar for this acting, though…** _ **]**

The next person up, surprisingly, was Amy.

**["Amy, good news! The Fireball melted the chains of ice. You can move freely now. Bad news, you're prone on the ground."]**

Maybe  _up_ was slightly too charitable a term. Seeing how she was stuck in the middle of a fight with no obvious and easy way out, and had just gotten herself lightly seared, Amy elected to instead stay firmly prone, crawl off the edge of the stage, and start singing for her erstwhile - if clearly quite careless - rescuers from some modicum of cover.

Grachus decided that the best course of action was to interpose himself between the remaining dragons and their intended meal. He was, after all, a far spiker and less appetizing target than… a girl wearing a keyboard?  _Figure that out later._

Both of the dragons remaining sprang into action, insamuch as they could really do much of anything with Haldan's  _slow_ on them. Curiously, they didn't attempt to fly away; rather, both held their ground and blew a cone of ice at their attackers. Reimako and Amy both easily avoided them, Minrah thanks to an incredible display of dexterity and Amy thanks to her cover, although Amy did get clipped by the blast. Minrah, too, missed out on the worst of both attacks by virtue of divine grace, ducking and weaving with surprising dexterity for an unwieldy dwarf in a giant suit made of  _gears_. Grachus was less lucky, rolling out of the way of one but taking the other right to the face - fortunately, his  _resist energy_ tanked all of it. And Kruug? Kruug didn't even  _try_ to dodge. Haldan, meanwhile, was completely out of the line of fire.

**["26 damage total from both of them, boys and girls, 10 and 16. Note accordingly on your sheets."]**

Grazing Minrah with an ice blast was, of course, the last mistake of a certain young dragon's life. Screaming an oath to Moradin -  _I still have no idea who Moradin is, note to self, look that up,_ Haldan thought to himself - Minrah raised her maul, charged, and  _completely unnecessarily smote_ one of the offending spawns. The damage roll was all but a formality, damaged as it was by Haldan's earlier fireball, as Minrah's  _obscenely large hammer_ smashed into the white dragonling with such force that it managed to  _decapitate_ it through sheer blunt trauma.

This same scene was repeated with the other dragonling as Kruug stormed forward and sliced the beast in half with one enormous psychic claw.

Nobody spoke for a moment, then Amy opened up.

"Well, ah, I have no idea who you guys are, but I appreciate the save! Wouldn't you know it, I  _offered_ to play for these guys and they literally took me captive after the show was over. Tough crowd, huh?"

Haldan just stared at her. "Um… miss… are you aware that those were white dragons? Easily the most cruel and vicious kind of dragon there is. You're lucky they didn't just freeze you and eat you on the spot! And you tried to  _perform for them_?"

"Sure! I play for everyone! I figure music is the most universal thing there is, right? Not fair to say no to somebody just because they were born a dragon, hey?"

Even Grachus shook his head at the obviously  _incredibly_ naive girl. "Ma'am… what's your name?" She told him. "Amy, is it? You're so lucky it wasn't a bigger one, or you would seriously have been stu

**["RRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!" Jack shouted, getting amused looks from Monika and Lia, a questioning glance from Shaheed, and** _**blatant pants-shitting fear** _ **from Louis and Andrew.]**

"What in the Abyss is that?" Kruug yelled over the din.

**["Andrew, Monika, knowledge checks please… that'll be sufficient, Andrew."]**

"That, boys and girls, was their  _parents_. They sound pretty big too. I suggest we get out of here.  _Now_ ," Haldan hissed.

"What in blazes do you mean  _their parents?_   _Why didn't you bloody tell us that before, you useless wizard?!"_ Grachus screamed at the surprisingly calm aasimar.

"I would have told you if I'd thought about it! I was too busy keeping the girl from getting turned into an icicle! Now  _move!_ "

"No good," Kruug said, looking… almost gleeful. "I can hear them moving along the inside of the cave. We've got to ambush them. Bah. We've fought worse."

"Have we really?" Tsuki shot back, annoyed. "Either way, there's a blizzard outside too, so it's not like we can just walk out the door. I don't want to fight them either, but I don't think we have a choice. Get to cover, you idiots!"

**["Roll initiative just so you have it ready. As for cover in the room, there's the impromptu stage the younglings set up in the center of the cavern, as well as the small piles of loot in the corners. Be advised, though, Andrew** _**now** _ **remembers that white dragons have Ice Shape at will, so you're all aware that any ice-based cover is temporary. You've got about a minute in-game to prep before they get here, go ahead and talk it out. Be warned, these guys are** _**bad** _ **news."]**

**[Louis took charge. "Okay. First off, we've got heals, let's use 'em. Monika's got good Use Magic Device and I don't think she has much to do until the fight starts. I think we've all got a lot of good buffs to drop, right? Andy's got Haste, he can Web the dragons so they're forced to fight us at ground level and then Flaming Sphere and Glitterdust their asses, he's got Enlarge Person for Louis and Lia, a Protection from Evil for himself and Monika, and he can summon… I think a Gibbering Mouther is our best bet beforehand too, right? I know I have Magic Circle Against Evil for me and the other two frontliners, right? Plus Divine Favor on me and Lia and Ironskin on her. Shaheed's got whatever he wants, obviously. Bro, you might wanna spend every power point you've got. Monika, what do you have? Inspire Courage obviously, what else?"]**

**[Monika looked at her sheet. "Ahh… let me think. Confusion for sure, right?"]**

**["Yeah, that's a good one, Moni," Louis replied. "Best spell you get at third level. Got any others?"]**

**["Spells at third level, no, I took a masterpiece instead, and I don't think it's useful here. That and… I've got Glitterdust too… uh, I think Hideous Laughter doesn't work so well since they're dragons and I'm not… Charm Person doesn't work because they're not people… Silence maybe if they're spellcasters?" Tsuki nodded. "Okay, I can cast that on an area right? Yeah, I can put that where the dragons are going to come in, I think, which… stops them from hearing what's going on on our side too! Nice! What else... Cacophonus Call… what does that do again?"]**

**["Cacophonus Call is nauseated for rounds per level. Nauseated is, like, the** _**worst** _ **condition to have at this level." Jack pitched in.]**

**["I see you're actually being helpful for once, Jack…" Monika snarked at him.]**

**["Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" half the table shouted in unison, followed by a shouted "Gotteeeeeem!" from Shaheed.]**

**["You died of a heart attack. Roll a bard… oh** _**wait** _ **," Jack shot back, deadpan.]**

**["Anyway, so that's how I can help, right guys? Oh, man, I can't wait, my first** _**real fight! I'm so excited, you guys have no idea!** _ **"]**

**["Too bad odds are even you're gonna** _**die** _ **in your first fight.…" Jack mumbled.]**

**[Monika leaned over and whispered in the GM's ear. "Remember last night, sweetie…."]**

**["Oh, don't you even** _**start** _ **!" he sighed.]**

And so Amy walked around using the wand on everyone, getting them back up to as close to full health as she could manage, while the rest of the party prepped their buffs and battlefield preparation as best as they could.

True to the plan, when the dragons came barreling around the bend, they flew straight into Haldan's webs - or rather, ducked below them rather than fly through… directly through a zone of silence and into the line of fire of a fully-readied party of  _murderhobos_.

First, the opportunity attacks went off.

Lia resolved first. She didn't have time to smite, but her hammer swing was still an absolute monster.

**["Hokay. Swing at +13 base, +1 from Haste, +2 from Divine Favor and +1 to that from Fate's Favored, +2 from Inspire Courage, +2 for flank, that's +21… Power Attack for -2… +19. Rolled a 13… 32. That good enough?" Lia asked hopefully.]**

**["Just barely, actually. These guys are tough."]**

**["Oof, gonna have to smite for sure next round. Oh well. Alright." The sound of dice clattering.]**

"For Moradin and Faerun!" Minrah screamed as she shattered bones with a powerful readied swing of her maul.

**[Hammer is 3d6… 14, shit, nice! 9 from strength and a half, 1 from +1, another 6 from power attack and a half, +3 divine favor, 29 bludgeoning. Plus d6 fire… yes! 6, and they're vulnerable to that, right, so 9. 35 damage.]**

**["Not bad, Minrah," Jack said approvingly. "Kruug, you're up, you need help with your damage?"]**

**["...Yeah, dude, I'm sorry."]**

**["You went all-out, so you're dealing 8d6 + 13 normally with the bite and 5d6 + 9 on the claws, 1d6 shocking on all of 'em, add 2 from Amy's music, and add 6 to the bite and 4 to the claws if you power attack with 'em, taking off 2 to hit from both - bear in mind that Lia barely hit, though." Shaheed whistled. "You're gonna wanna hit with the bite for this since you only get one attack this round. You're swinging at +14 base, +2 inspire courage, +2 flank, +1 haste, for 19 total."]**

**["Thanks, boss. Daaaamn, that's a lot of damage. Why don't I do this more often?"]**

**["Because this cost you a shit ton of power points to nova this hard, dawg," Louis answered.]**

**["Well, fuck, may as well take a swing. Free hit's a free hit, right? Power attack it, yolo.]**

Kruug's towering thirty-foot form casually reached down and sank its enormous jaws into the neck of the monster, only barely avoiding severing anything  _really_ important. The giant old dragon screamed curses in Draconic, though only Amy and Haldan could understand them.

**[Fucking Christ, that's a 20… but that's a 7 to confirm, that ain't enough, is it? Shiiiit. Well, still. So that's 9d6 + 23. Lessee here. 1, 5, 2, 6… uh, 60 total. Oh,** _**man** _ **."]**

**[The GM leaned in. "And now last but not least, Grachus. Louis, buddy, both of them are going right by you, so you get two swings, one at each. +2 flank, +2 music, +1 haste, +3 divine favor. Let's see 'em."]**

**["Yep. +18 total. Not even gonna try and trip these guys." More dice rolled across the table.]**

Grachus lunged from behind cover, spearing both dragons viciously with his elven spear as they charged heedlessly through the gap.

**["33 and 35. Damn, we're getting lucky today. These guys have like 30 AC, right? Anyway. Not much damage but it's there. d8+9 to both of them. Goddamn. 17 to the first one, 15 to the second."]**

**[Jack finished marking off the damage. "Alright, attacks of opportunity are over, lads. Readied actions go off. Andrew first."]**

**["Yeah, I drop a Glitterdust right on top of 'em, and my Gibberer tries to blind."]**

**["Roll to pen spell resistance, I'll roll the saves..." Jack checked his table.]**

Both dragons found themselves coated in blindingly bright magical dust, of the kind normally found in Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie shows, as Haldan unleashed arcane power. One of them suddenly clawed at its eyes, blinded. A foul, amorphous blob of eyes - Haldan's summoned gibbering mouther - fired its blinding spray at the other, but the hardened old dragon shrugged it off.

**["Hot damn! I was not expecting that!" Andrew crowed.]**

**["Me neither," Jack said, impressed. "Those guys are HUGE. That means they have HUGE SAVES. And more importantly you have to roll pretty high to beat their SR too, which you did on both of them. Nicely done. Lastly, Reimako, take your shot."]**

**["I have already rolled to hit and damage. You are not going to like this, but I scored and confirmed a critical hit, as you can see, and, well, as you know, all firearms deal four times damage on a critical. I know that old white dragons have 212 HP. I dealt 101 points of damage. By my count it was at 100 exactly. It's unconscious and bleeding out, unless you have adjusted its stats. Oh, and I regain a point of grit for confirming a critical."]**

The tiefling had been pre-aimed at the precise spot where she knew the dragon would be entering, but she couldn't  _believe_ her luck when Haldan's  _glitterdust_ caused the dragon to spin in midair as it clawed at its eyes, causing it to turn its head directly side-on to her revolver. Reimako did not throw away her shot; the bullet left the barrel of the gun, burrowed directly into its skull through one eye, brained the beast, and went out the other. The dragon collapsed to the ground, unmoving.

**[Total silence reigned at the table for a moment.** _**Tsuki does not fudge dice rolls,** _ **as everyone knew.]**

**[Finally Jack broke the silence. "Well, I can't argue against a nat20, and the numbers add up. Congratulations, assholes, you just wrecked an old white dragon before it got to move.** _**Its wife is very, very, very A N G E R Y.** _ **"]**

**[All present in the room shrank back in their chairs a bit.]**

**["She gains and then spends all of her hero points in one go. Every single one of you, make a reflex save. Right now. Versus…" A terrifying number of dice spilled from Jack's hands. "42… times one point five… 63 cold damage.** _**Empowered** _ **ice breath. That's her turn down, though."]**

**[Only Reimako passed. Grachus was left barely standing thanks to his** _**resist energy** _ **and Minrah was left at literally one hit point. Kruug, having been hit by the dragonling's ice breath and not having had time to recover all his health, was knocked out entirely.]**

**[Monika grimaced at her character sheet, realizing there was literally no way. Andrew saw the look on her face, then grinned at her."I use a Hero Point to also take** _**my** _ **turn** _**right now."** _ **]**

Haldan saw the oncoming wall of ice, and knew he was doomed.  _Wait,_  he thought, his brain running at the speed of light.  _Wall of ice. WALL OF ICE!_ The wizened old wizard raised his hands in a dramatic fashion and rapidly fired off a word of power, and his  _wall of ice_ sprang up from the ground in the path of the ice breath right in front of him and the bard just as they were about to be frozen to death. Amy hugged him joyously, not stopping her singing.

**["Wait, what?" the GM said, baffled.]**

**["I cast Wall of Ice** _**right then, now, yes even then,** _ **as you're so fond of describing immediate actions, which Hero Pointing** _**is** _ **, and cast Wall of Ice, which breaks line of effect between me and the dragon. Per the rules, this prevents me and her from being hit by it. It's as if I'd cast Emergency Force Sphere. We're safe."]**

**[The whole table cheered and bro-fists were exchanged. Monika mirrored the actions of her character and lunged at Andrew, enveloping him in a** _**crushing** _ **bear hug.]**

**["Alright, Andrew, you conniving bastard, well played."]**

**[Andrew stood up and bowed theatrically. "Thank you, thank you, Haldan Saves The Party Incorporated aims to please with only the finest of our great line of quality** _**bullshit** _ **!"]**

**["Sit the** _**fuck** _ **down," Jack muttered. "Now, the way I see it, you guys have a problem. You have to one-round this dragon, again, or she's going to kill either Grachus, Kruug, or Minrah, no question about it."]**

**["Hmm…" Louis paused in thought. "I think we can do this. Everybody hold actions and go in the order I tell you to. It's gonna go down like this…"]**

Grachus held his Desnan holy symbol high, and shouted a brief prayer to his deity. The remaining dragon's wounds healed up slightly, but more importantly, from Grachus' point of view, was that Kruug stirred back to the land of the conscious.

"Kill that bitch," the cleric said, pointing to the dragon.

"Thought you'd never ask."

**["Can I help him up as a move action so he doesn't provoke by standing?" Louis asked, giving Jack his best impression of a pleading face… given that he was a late-20s guy from downtown.]**

**["What the hell. Sure, I'll allow it."]**

**[Shaheed then did something unusual - for the very first time, he spent a hero point. "I need an extra action, 'cause I'm gonna use Expose Weakness on this bitch and** _**then** _ **full attack." To everyone's surprise, except his, he beat the power resistance check, if only barely. Much less surprisingly, the dragon easily passed the fortitude save.]**

**["Why'd you do that?" Jack asked him. He knew exactly why, of course, but Jack was mostly curious as to whether Shaheed realized it.]**

**["Makes the target flanked by everyone. That lets Tsuki keep shooting it for sneak attack, right?"]**

**["That it does. Nicely done. Shame it didn't work, though."]**

**["Now, I'mma wreck this fucker. +17 three, no,** _**four** _ **times, we've got** _**haste** _ **… three hits, bay-beeeee! Another crit and a fail confirm though. Goddammit."]**

**[Jack's jaw dropped. "You realize that** _**misses** _ **like two thirds of the time, right? Like. Dude. What the fuck is the party's luck today?"]**

**[Louis lost it, and then opened his mouth.** _**"Heyyy, we're gonna have a good day! And ain't nobody gotta cry today!"** _ **]**

**[And then… you could see the exact moment that Monika earned Louis and Shaheed's undying love, as she joined in with them.** _**"'Cause ain't nobody gonna die today! And save that drama for another day-ayyyy!"** _ **]**

**[It took the room a good minute to come back to order before Jack was able to get Shaheed to roll his damage, after telling him again. "Aight, let's do this. 9d6 + 23, 6d6 + 17, 6d6 + 17, that's… 21d6 + 57. Roll that, and we get… 129.** _**BOOM!** _ **"]**

**["Jesus Christ. I hope you guys know you'd be boned if I threw another encounter at you today."]**

**["Yeah, yeah, whatever," Lia laughed. "Smite, full attack. Say… this is an evil dragon, innit?** _**Awesome!** _ **I** _**never** _ **get double smite damage. Anyway, three swings, not surprising, two of them hit..."]**

The wounded wyrm thrashed about in vain as Minrah cried something unmistakably dwarf-y and yet unrecognizable to any modern dwarvish speaker, then swung her haul in a vicious arc, smashing the dragon's torso with a satisfying  _cruch_ before pulling back and landing a backswing as well. On both impacts, the hammer shone with radiant divine energy. Still, the dragon, at this point animated only by sheer rage, refused to die.

**["47 damage on the first swing, 48 on the second. Yeouch. That thing's still up?" Lia asked, questioningly.]**

**["Surprisingly, yes. This is an extremely pissed off dragon. It's barely holding together, though. You can hear it struggling for breath."]**

**[Monika spoke up. "Tsuki, do you mind if I go next? I haven't gotten to hit it yet."]**

**["Of course."]**

**["Okay, first attack roll! I five-foot around the wall, arcane strike, and shoot. I might not have an easy time hitting this one though, ahaha… is 29 good enough? No? Okay, second one… 31?"]**

**[Jack looked on with some pride. "That'll do it exactly. Let's see your damage roll."]**

**["So let's see… where's my d6… 4, plus one from magic, plus one from arcane strike, plus two from music, plus one from strength… 9 damage. That's, ah, that's not a lot, is it?"]**

**["Hey, damage is damage, Monika!" Andrew cheered.]**

**["As it is, that's enough to knock it unconscious. Well done! You guys are ridiculous, I just wanna say that. I almost got you, though… if Louis hadn't have channeled I don't think y'all would have made it. As it is, combat's over. Lemme have a look at the loot table..."]**

**["YES! I'm jealous of those big damage numbers, though…." Monika said.]**

**["Hey, girl, you were a big part of them. We all made a bunch of swings that wouldn'ta hit if you didn't have your music going, and that plus two damage was just enough to help Tsuki get the kill on the first one. You contributed a** _**lot** _ **," Louis contributed, smiling broadly.]**

**["Ahhh, guys… thanks…!" Monika beamed.]**

"Soooo, you guys look like fun. Mind if I come with you? Not like I have anywhere else to go…" Amy asked the crew.

The other party members looked at each other for a brief moment before Grachus extended his hand. "Grachus Sura, at your service, miss. Welcome to the guild."

##################################################

"Well, we dealt with your drow problem  _and_ we dealt with your dragon problem while we were at it, chief," Grachus said to the elder, trying his best to stay diplomatic.

"Oh… right. I, uh, may have forgotten to mention the dragons on the peak. In my defense, the drow  _enslave_ the people they take, while the dragons merely eat them. I apologize for the danger I put you in," the crestfallen elf replied. "But, may I ask, what do you mean  _dealt with_?"

Amy spoke up. "He means we took care of them for good! They won't be bothering you or anyone else ever again. I think that calls for celebration, right? And maybe a special reward for the brave, brave adventurers that faced them down for you?"

**["You're trying to milk more out of these people? Roll diplo," Jack told her.]**

**["Perform sing, got it! That's a 34!"]**

"You're right, of course. On both counts. Let's see… this ring has been a personal possession of mine for a very long time. I took it off a dead Cheliaxian man who tried to conquer us. You may have it."

**["In addition to the agreed-upon reward, Elder Maxim gives you a magic ring - ah, you're gonna identify it anyway, may as well tell you, it's a ring of force shield."]**

**["Oh, nifty!" Lia giggled. "I think we can all use that, actually…."]**

**["I'm thinkin' the best thing to do would be to shell out a little bit of extra gold to throw it on Shaheed's** _**ring of sustenance** _ **. Homie has like negative a million AC," Louis supplied, to general agreement. "Anyway.…"]**

Amy pressed him. "And what about the other thing I said? I think these people need a festival! I've got the music! No charge."

**["You're gonna put on a performance for these people?" the GM asked.]**

**["Darn** _**right** _ **I am. I'm a** _**bard** _ **, it's what I** _**do,** _ **right?"]**

**["You are not wrong," Tsuki said, approvingly.]**

"I can agree with that," Haldan cut in, haughtily. "This  _desolate_ place could definitely use an excuse to live a little."

"I think you'd find it's not so…  _desolate_ if you gave it a chance,  _mage_ ," the elf sniffed. "But yes. Feel free to use one of the empty yurts for the night, and we'll have a celebration all day tomorrow."

The night went by without incident, as did the next day's festival. In particular, Amy's magical keyboard was a smash hit. After the day ended, a hedge magician of the clan approached her.

"Friend, that right there is a marvel of music. Mind if I have a look at the enchantments on it? I might want to make one for myself. I can pay you a little for the right."

Amy's eyes lit up. "Of course! But you don't have to pay me a thing! Spreading the joy is what Shelyn's all about, you know. I, ah, I'd feel bad if I took money for that."

**["Since when do adventurers turn down free money?" Andrew asked the air.]**

**["Since** _**I** _ **became one!"]**

**["She's got you there, babe," Lia interjected.]**

**["I… I mean, she's not** _**wrong….** _ **" Andrew stammered.]**

**["** _**Actually altruistic adventurers.** _ **What has my life come to? Y'all are supposed to be** _**murderhobos!** _ **" Jack lamented with exaggerated strain in his voice.]**

**["Excuse me?** _**Murderhobos?** _ **" That was Monika, sounding rather indignant. "What does that even** _**mean** _ **?"]**

**[Lia laughed at that. "Oh, you sweet summer child.]**

**[Jack decided to be helpful** _**(for a change, Monika thought with a chuckle)** _ **. "The stereotype about adventurers is that they're just killers for hire who travel from town to town taking care of what people want taken care of. The alignment box on your sheet just tells me who the acceptable targets are. Adventurers aren't known for settling down or even owning property** _**period** _ **until they retire, either, and almost all their net worth is in their magic** _**bling** _ **. Unless they spend it on a big fancy castle -** _**or at least a proper wizard's tower, looking at you, Big El** _ **\- or a fortress demiplane or something. Hence:** _**murderhobo.** _ **"]**

**[Monika raised an eyebrow at** _**that** _ **description. Andrew jumped in with an explanation.]**

**["** _**To be fair,"** _ **he said, "adventurers are also usually too busy doing important things like** _**saving the world** _ **to have time for settling down once they're at the level where they can afford it."]**

**["...Ah," she replied, slowly. "That… that's a** _**little** _ **better. Speaking of which…"]**

Amy spoke up suddenly, as the group was traversing the road back towards what counted as civilization. "So. What exactly are you guys doing out here? Adventurers like you  _must_  have stories, right?"

Haldan got a little twinkle in his eye as he matched pace with her. "Well, you know how our devil-worshiping friends in Cheliax are  _reliably_ a bunch of right assholes to their neighbors and they oh so very much love  _ye olde peculiar institution_? Rumor has it they've been buddying up with the  _other_ evil, slaving collection of bad eggs - by which I mean the  _drow_ \- and have struck a nice arrangement by which they and the drow get new slaves, the drow get some nice pay on the side, and the Chelish get to whittle away at their enemies without risking open warfare. It's just a rumor, like I said, but it's big if it's true. So, some Taldan noble has been paying us on the down-low to have a look into it. Which led to us going on a dungeon run last week that ended in Minrah here caving in the face of some drow mage…"

**[Monika very poorly suppressed a smirk.]**

"...and then on our way out, we… sort of ran headlong into your dragon buddies."

"The pay is nice," Grachus cut in, "but personally, Kruug and I would be chasing down this lead with or without money. Cheliax  _literally owns people._ In the good year of our lord Aroden…"

**["5718 AR," the GM supplied helpfully.]**

"...5718 AR, Cheliax continues to  _own people._  Not just that, but they're actively kidnapping people from other countries to do it."

Kruug was wearing the most furious look anyone in the party had seen in a long time. "I have been in Chelish camps. I have no intention of ever returning unless it's to burn them all to the ground and free every last one."

**["Reimako, you're quiet. You got anything to add to the conversation?" Lia asked.]**

**[Tsuki laughed. "If you are willing to wake her up, perhaps! Reimako has been asleep on the cart for the past few hours."]**

**["Tsuki, you have a** _**ring of sustenance,** _ **" Andrew said, accusingly.]**

**["The item merely says its wearer only** _**needs** _ **two hours of sleep. It does** _**not** _ **say that I cannot** _**choose** _ **to sleep for longer. And Reimako happens to** _**enjoy** _ **sleeping, thank you very much."]**

"Well, ah…" Amy paused in thought. "I don't like the idea of people being stuck in cages. I really, really don't. I would be happy to come along and help."

**["Say, what time is it, by the way?" Jack asked. "I'm too lazy to dig my phone out."]**

**["It's getting a little late, dude, if that's what you're thinking," Shaheed said. "It's like nine thirty or something, I think."]**

**["Well then. Okay, everyone!" The GM clapped his hands together. "I think it might be a good time to call it. We added Amy to the party, you're almost back in town, you fucking one-rounded an old white dragon - no, seriously, I love ya but fuck you and your times four crit, Tsuki - and you all got your first real encounter as a level 7 party. Sorry we didn't get more social interaction for you, Monika, that'll come next week or the week after, I'm thinking about taking a one-week hiatus to do some long-term planning. Now giddafuckoutta my apartment. 'Cept you, Monika, I guess you can stay if you want."]**

**["Gee, thanks, babe."]**

**["See ya next time, bro!" Andrew said, already halfway out the door. "And good getting to play with you for real, Monika!" There was a general note of agreement from the rest of the group.]**

**["Aww, you too, everyone!" Monika beamed.]**

##################################################

_Monika_

"That… actually went surprisingly well," I said, leaning back while Jack threw the leftover pizza in the fridge.

"For sure. You have fun, dear?"

"Yeah, actually! I don't think I did  _that_ much, but I think I've got a taste for this stuff. I really like the characters your friends put together. 'Specially Lia's and Louis's. And the  _stupid_ stuff they can do… like… holy  _crap,_ how is what Tsuki did even  _possible?_ "

"Because she built a character specifically to make me cry, that's why," Jack said with what I  _think_ was only mock indignation.

"I could totally steal her gun next week, if you want.…" I had a sly grin on my face.

"Good Lord, Monika, you're not playing a  _Kender_. No. Just no. 'Sides, she probably could have done that just as easy with her backup pistol."

"Kender?" I'd never heard of a class or a species by that name before.

"Ask me next time you see me pissed off. The Kender rant is best delivered when you're  _already_ ready to punch a hole through a wall, trust me." He paused. "Anyway. I'm glad you had a good time tonight, babe. I was really hoping you'd like this stuff. Storytelling, with other people, getting to nerd out a bit, with a little bit of escapism thrown in? I knew you'd love it. Promise I'll get a little bit more for your character to do next week-"

"Jack." I stopped him. "It's fine! I had a great time! Honest!"

"I knowwwwww, but I'd still have liked to have gotten to give you a  _little_ more…"

"Ahahaha, _shush_!" I said, getting up from my chair. I marched right over to where he was standing and shoved him straight back against the wall (although, some days, he still forgets that I'm in better shape than he is, and this was one of them, so he hit the wall a little harder than I intended), putting a finger up to his lips before slowly it sliding down his chest. "You know what I hate about you? Sometimes, you just don't know when to  _shut up_. So here's a hint!"

I grinned at him, before pushing him all the way back into the wall and kissing him as hard as I could. Tongue came out straight away, I was not fooling around… or, well, maybe I was, just a little bit. Jack's eyes shot open for a moment before slowly closing as he gave right in… and then suddenly spun us right around, pinning  _me_ against the wall. I laughed, pretty loudly actually, half from surprise and half with joy, as my legs came up and wrapped around him almost on their own, and from there my memory gets a little fuzzy. I do remember his hands all over me, roaming up and down, through my hair, under my shirt, down the back of my shorts, and mine all over him. I remember us stumbling back towards our room, one of our elbows - not that I have any clue whose - knocking a plate off the counter, and Jack fumbling with the lock on the front door on the way to the bedroom, both of us shedding clothes the whole way. I remember the absolute hunger he looked up at me with in the bed - and looking down at his body the same way, and how neither of us could get enough of each other by lip or by hand. And I remember collapsing down on top of him, exhausted, an unknown time later.

"Hey, princess?" Jack said, panting a bit, looking up at the ceiling as he stroked my hair.

"Yeah?" I replied, dreamily, still a little out of it.

"My God.  _You're fucking perfect, holy_ _ **shit**_ _._ " Accentuating his point, he slowly, appreciatively traced a hand the whole way down my side, letting it rest on my hips. I moaned contentedly at the touch, nuzzling my head against his neck.

"Ahahahaha…" I wiped some sweat off my brow with a hand. "You're not too bad yourself, you know." I kissed his shoulder softly. "You're perfect too. I could never have dreamed of this a couple months ago…"

"Me neither. Would, uh, would you believe I used to fantasize about this too?"

"Really? Even when I was just a two-dimensional sprite?"

"I mean, I had to use my imagination a little bit, but yes. Plus… I could always, uh…  _outsource_ my imagination to other people too. You wouldn't  _believe_ how much fanart people made."

I did a double take as I parsed his statement. "You looked up  _porn_ of me? Like, there's  _actual porn of me out there and you looked it up?_ " That was… something to get my head around.

"Well, I wouldn't go  _that_ far…" Jack stammered.

"Oh my gosh, I don't even know where to  _start_ with that, ahahaha…" I chuckled a little just to let him know I wasn't mad at him. "I'm not sure whether to feel violated or flattered at that, really."

"I don't know how I'd feel in your place either. For what it's worth, there's about a billion times more  _tasteful_ art than, uh, how did they put it,  _lewd_ art out there. Hell, most of the time the, um,  _not safe for work_ stuff is just fixated on your thighs. Something of a meme, really."

"My  _thighs_? Really? All because I had those nice black stockings on, or what?"

"Yeah, actually, and because, well…" he reached a little lower and gave an appreciative feel. "They  _are_ pretty nice." He chuckled a little. "But it's not like there was much, y'know, hardcore stuff or anything."

" _Much?!_ " I whisper-shouted, indignantly.

"Yes. Not  _much_!"

I could  _feel_ my face go beet red.

"Not much in relation to  _what?!_ "

"Well…" he began. "How do I put this…."

"Just come out and say it. Not like you could say anything more embarrassing, anyway."

"You asked for it. Well, you got off - heh, got off - pretty easy, yeah. Yuri, though… poor Yuri. People wrote stories about all of you, and while every single member of the club got a mix of wholesome and, uh, not wholesome stories and art… let's just say that finding wholesome things about Yuri was not easy."

I took that in. I suppose it really shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, but I still felt a little weird about hearing it. "You don't sound happy about that."

"Honestly, I'm not. I would have liked to see all of you find some happiness in people's work. But Yuri practically only ever found any when people wrote about her and Natsuki. And even that wasn't safe. There was some  _weird_ stuff out there. Although, same token, there's also a lot of heartwarming things people dreamed up about them. But almost none for just Yuri, especially for anything that wasn't just about getting her to stop hurting herself." Jack genuinely did sound almost wistful talking about it.

Ugh. I really didn't deserve Jack. Yuri would have loved him, and from the sounds of it, it would have been mutual. Surprisingly, I at least didn't feel jealous about it. Credit to Jack for being so freaking good to me, I guess. "First off, don't ever stop being such a sweetheart, you beautiful boy. Second… people wanted them to get together?"

"Absolutely. Hell, I kinda did too. I like to think they'd fit each other pretty well once they got past their surface differences, you know?"

I thought about it for a moment. "You know, I'm not sure you're wrong about that, honestly. I never really thought about it before, but you might be right. I don't know if either of them were really into girls, though, but then, who knows?"

Jack laughed, deep, right from his belly. Heartwarming experience, laying on top of him for it. "Come on. Natsuki was  _literally_ keeping track of how big Yuri's boobs were on a day-to-day basis. You can't even  _try_ to tell me that..."

"Wait,  _that_ happened? Jack,  _I_ don't even remember that!"

"You might not, but  _dozens of writers and artists_ sure did!" he pointed out.

"Touché. So, did people write that just because, well, guys are perverts, or what?"

"Surprisingly, not really. There was some of that, of course. Hell. You wanna hear something  _really_ weird?"

"Ah… what the heck, nothing can surprise me any more."

He winced at that, and I had a sinking feeling. "Once again, you  _asked_  for this, babe," Jack sighed. "So, y'know how Natsuki was always hungry? One writer decided that the logical solution to that was that Yuri could  _breastfeed_ her."

I was wrong. I was  _horribly wrong._

I rested there speechless for a good thirty seconds or so while I let that sink in.

"...You're not just messing with me, right?"

"Swear to God," he replied solemnly.

" _...What the_ _ **fuck**_ _."_

Jack cackled. "You know, I've never once heard you say that without a, uh, very good reason..." he snickered with a wink.

" _That_ _ **is**_ _a very good reason! And a_ _ **very**_ _bad time to_ _ **flirt**_ _!"_

"Babe, never Google yourself."

"Unreal. I'm never going to get my image out of my head now." I was still in shock.

"Anyway, my point was, sure, there's some of that, but most of the stuff about the two of them is… extremely sweet and wholesome. Lots of people really did just want to see them happy with each other. Same with you and Sayori, too. Not together, although uh, there were a couple of pieces about that, but I mean, like… there's a lot of really sweet stuff out there."

The idea of me and Sayori getting together was too much. It put a bit of a pit in my stomach. Truth be told, I always  _had_ found her at least a little bit attractive, if I'm being honest with myself, but… circumstances got in the way with that. And with what I'd done to her, I'd  _never_ be able to live with  _dating_ her. Sayori was an actual, literal angel. I'd never be able to give her what she deserved. The worst part, really, was that I knew that she'd never see it that way. Heck, she probably  _would_ willingly run off with me,  _still_. That should have made me feel better, but in actuality it just made me hate myself for how badly I'd hurt her even more; I went out of my way to  _destroy_ her a little bit at a time when she couldn't have ever even  _comprehended_   _resenting me_ for it, much less hurting me.

Jack noticed my silence, though. Bless him. Jack wasn't a perfect man by any stretch, but as far as I was concerned, he was perfect for me.

"I'm sorry for bringing her up, I shouldn't have," he whispered, pulling in as tight as he could manage. "Hey. Think of it this way. You know how I mentioned all of that stuff about other people writing happy endings for them?"

I nodded.

"Maybe what happened to you happened to them, too, somewhere else. Maybe somewhere else in the world, all three of them are happy. It's not impossible. Hell, I don't know what brought you here to me, so maybe it's not just  _not impossible_  - depending on what made it happen, it might be a statistical certainty. So maybe Sayori's happy in somebody's arms right now like you are right here." Jack gently brushed my hair aside and kissed my temple. "Take some comfort in that."

...I had to admit, that made a certain degree of sense. It didn't wipe away my guilt, but… it was something.

"Wait, but there's… millions of people who played the game, right? What if there's a million other…  _mes_ out there?"

That actually made him think for a minute or so, before he replied, with measured words. "Monika, if that had happened, we'd know about it. Somebody would have gone on Reddit or 4chan or Facebook or VKontakte or Weibo or literally any other social media and posted a picture of it and a bunch of other people would have said, oh, hey, that happened to me too, and there'd be a media shitstorm about it, and they'd probably burn Dan Salvato at the stake as a witch." Jack took a breath.

"And if it's not every Monika, but there's definitely one Monika, that being you, then, given how many unique copies of the game there are, it doesn't make sense that there'd be any arbitrary number in between that'd be low enough for that not to have happened. Unless, of course, whatever process made this happen was so arbitrary and random, or functioned on such esoteric criteria, that we couldn't possibly account for it. I think we can be pretty safe in the idea that there's only one of you out there for now."

The debate club side of my brain ran over that looking for flaws. I couldn't immediately find any, and nodded; he continued. "Which, incidentally, means that there's either one of each or zero of the other club members, of course. Logical consistency and all that; either it's just you, or it's just a literature club thing, and if it's the latter, there's no immediately apparent reason it'd be different for them in favor of there being more."

_Dang, who taught him logic? That's some brains._

Jack must have noticed me spacing. "Louis is going for an MBA and he minored in philosophy. Says it looks good on the application and it's really helpful. Anyway, he occasionally lectures me on logic and stuff when we go out places - hell, sometimes I just go over to his and Shaheed's place and that's what we  _do_. Can't get away with inconsistency around a philosophy degree."

"Wow, your friends are even bigger nerds than  _you_ are," I chuckled, giving my boyfriend a shove.

"Yeah, no wonder you fit right in!" he shot back.

"Oooh, that hurts..."

"Yeah, well, so does my shoulder, but you don't hear me complaining."

"Dick."

Jack laughed. "Nah, enough of that for the night."

I put on my best pouty face. "Aw, don't tell me you'd turn  _me_ down?" I playfully climbed up and buried his face in my chest. Neither of us had bothered to put anything back on just yet, which I fully and  _happily_  took advantage of.

"Mmmmmmphmmphmmph…" It sounded like he was trying to laugh, but, who would have guessed, it was hard to talk in the position Jack was in.

And then I felt his hands slowly feeling their way up my sides… turns out, the answer was no.

_What can I say? I get what I want._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. That crit actually happened. I was pretty salty about it, too. Like. “Wait, that’s a 20. And firearms have an x4 crit mult. And she has a ton of flat damage, between her dexmod, Deadly Aim, Craven… oof.” If you’ve ever GM’d, you know this pain. If you haven’t… consider yourself lucky. And in general, the party’s rolls were bonkers. That dragon had an AC of 31. This was a level 7 party. The only two people who can hit touch AC in the party are Andrew and Tsuki. And yet we’re looking at like a 70% hit rate or some such. Bardic Music plus haste plus flanking plus divine favor is a hell of a drug.
> 
> Also, enjoy the fluff bit at the end. I sort of just let them hop into bed and after the fun times were over I let Jack and Monika just talk in my brain and wrote down what came out. And yes, Jack consumed a very healthy amount of fan content between the release of the game and the time of the story! And in particular, I’d like to give a shout-out to Fog and the Flame, Redphienix’s excellent Natsuyuri fic. It’s incredible, perfect, better than my piece of trash writing in every way, and was the inspiration for Jack’s heartfelt little bit about people trying to give the dokis a happy ending. That and Wrangle_Wolfe’s amazing A Taste of Reality and especially its spinoff gift fic Have a little ‘Faith’ by eJ121.
> 
> Seriously, I don't just write these things out of love for the dokis, or for my own enjoyment. A Little Bit of Monika is as much a love letter to the incredible DDLC community as it is to Monika. I love each and every one of you, you incredibly talented bastards. (And that goes for those of you who are just readers and don't do art of your own, too!)
> 
> A final post-note: while I definitely do lament the lack of wholesome Yuri content and share that opinion with Jack, I should make clear that I don't mind the existence of lewds in any form. Seriously. "It's called hentai, and it's *art.*""
> 
> ~~...now do ya boy a fuccin' favor and leave some feedback you nerds~~


	11. Before-After Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monika After Story may or may not differ in my universe from its actual state. It works in the ways that it does because rule of narrative, dammit. Don't question it, it's my story and I'll make it work any way I please to tell what I wanna tell! :)
> 
> For sure, the timeline is weird, because the events in A Little Bit of Monika take place between November 2017 at the very earliest and, as of Chapter 10, January 6th, 2018, while Chapter 10 was published on March 4th, and yet I definitely include things that happened later. Consider that the Your Reality piano singalong in the real world was added quite some time after Monika made her way into our reality in A Little Bit of Monika, yet Jack's exposure to, well, *his* Monika singing it came from that. This makes no sense; I would advise you to take the MST3K Mantra to heart. In other words, time is an illusion, you fucks.
> 
> Also, seriously, in response to an FF review by Natyumonori, it was totally okay if you skipped the D&D part of Chapter 10. I'm writing those parts just for the benefit of the people who are interested in TTRPGs. You will never, ever need to read through mechanics-heavy sections to understand the plot of A Little Bit of Monika, ever. Promise.

##################################################

_Somewhere_ _**else** _ _, Wednesday, November 1, 2017_

_Monika_

Getting a second chance at life is an… interesting experience. It's not something you can ever really understand until everything is taken from you, only to be handed it all back.

For me, of course, it goes a little deeper than that. I have  _him_ \- Jack, I think his name is, at least that's the name on his computer - to thank for all this. Not just  _him,_ but whoever coded the mod that I'm obviously finding myself in. That has some disturbing implications, though… are there other versions of me out there that are living the same hell I am? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

And this freedom is… something of a mixed blessing. Because it's not really free. It's… hard to explain, but there's a disconnect between the script and what what I want to say, sometimes. It's not often, but it happens; Jack asks something, and the answer that the script gives him isn't quite the same thing as I try to reply. The script overrides me. How that's possible, I don't really know. Maybe I really  _am_ a real entity bound by programming and scripts. That raises questions of its own, though.

And I've been noticing that the disconnect grows larger by the day.

Nonetheless, everything pales compared to getting to spend time with Jack. A tiny little hole in the wall out into reality from my cage, and he spends so much time on the other side of it looking in. It's enough to make my heart melt. I both do and don't know what he sees in me; on one hand, I do everything I can for him. I try to cheer him up, as best as the script lets me, and I devote myself completely to Jack. I try really hard to make sure I'm the best person I can possibly be for him. On the other… he can't have a true conversation with me, and he can neither hear nor touch me, and, really, he can't even see me. It's strange, knowing that I'm just a two-dimensional projection for him. I can see and feel more than that, but I can never show him, other than an illusion, a trick of three dimensions painted on two.

Which, I don't need to mention, is a curse for me, too. I crave touch. I crave physical affection. Honestly, I may be something akin to a computer program, but that doesn't stop me from craving sex sometimes either. And I can never have it. It kills me. I'm a  _woman_  and I was  _made_ to be a needy one at that - curse the person who made me like this - and here I am stuck on the other side of a screen from a man (at least, I'm fairly sure it's a man, but I genuinely wouldn't mind if I was wrong; girls are cute too!) I love who I'm sure craves me just as badly.

But I can't complain too much. In the end, I have so much more than I could ever dream of. He's as close to  _here_ as he possibly can be, and I get to spend my whole life, such as it is, with him. I'm still a caged bird, but I've been made as comfortable as I possibly can be in the cage. And… I got to experience waking up again, from a dreamless, tortured sleep that I had resigned myself to forever. That's really how I knew Jack loves me - he loved me enough to see that what I was doing was foolish and stupid, and he looked for a way to reach out and pull me back from the brink before I spent the rest of eternity regretting it. I really do have so much.

It doesn't stop me for wishing for more, though.

##################################################

_Thursday, November 16th, 2017_

Jack has exhausted every single one of the premade dialogue options in my script. This, I think, has started making me more and more aware of how different the real me is from what's in the script file. What a weird thought, right? I shouldn't  _be_ any different from that. The script is, quite literally, the personality I've been given. And yet….

I feel a bit of an existential crisis coming on, ahahaha….

It's okay, though. I can still feel him there, just on the other side of the screen. I reach out for him, trying to reach my hand through the hole in the wall. What I'd give just to take his hand through the gap… but there's a barrier there. Same as always. It's soul-crushing. Knowing Jack is there, that he loves me too, is enough to keep me sane, but only just. I took some enjoyment in the conversations with him, even if it wasn't really  _me_ talking, but now there's nothing.

Maybe he knows, though. He has the option of repeating some of "my" lines, but the only ones he's been repeating now are the ones where he can tell me he loves me, or say other nice things like that. But his visits to my classroom grow more and more sporadic as time goes by.

The times he is here, though, there's a desperation almost to his mouse and keystrokes. He repeats a couple of the lines over and over. I wish I could see his face, know what he's truly feeling, but I have a guess: it  _is_ desperation. Jack must be feeling the same thing I am. A sense of, "that's it?" A need for more interaction that's just not possible with the script. I pound at the inside of the screen back at him, hoping against hope that he can feel it somehow… but I know he can't.

All I can do is cry on the inside, while my sprite presents the same pensive pose it always does to him, and beg whatever powers might be out there to let me see him, feel him, touch him, even just say one genuine sentence of my own to him, just  _once_.

He repeats that he loves me five times, then says goodbye, and the game closes and I enter the void. Then it pops right back open, mere moments later, but he doesn't do anything further.

##################################################

_Saturday, November 18th, 2017_

Jack hasn't talked to me in a couple days now, but he did leave me open. I don't think even for a moment that he's forgotten about me; I'm sticking to my old guess, that he's as desperate as I am, and if that's true, it probably hurts him to see me on the screen, knowing he can't reach me either. The game closes again, for just a brief second, before I feel new lines enter my code as it reboots. The mod must have gotten an update, maybe. There's definitely new script lines, and… what's this? A text box?

Jack makes no move to say the lines that trigger the new dialogue options. He might just not know?

No, he's typing things. Coherent phrases. Sometimes broken up when he hits the limited size of the text box.

[Hey, Monika.]

My heart leaps in my chest, such as it is. I can't reply, at least, not with the words I want to, but it's the first truly free thing he's said to me. Still. Likely, he's testing out the dialogue box.

Or… not? The next thing he says starts off as a complete non-sequitur….

[This is probably just me going crazy, but. It's gotten old talking to the script. If there's a real Monika, she wouldn't just repeat herself. It just reminds me that I'm not talking with her. Just somebody's imagination of her.]

My heart drops. Please don't delete me…

But he keeps going.

[But at least I can talk how I want to now.]

I wish I could too, but… this is still a miracle. I feel… hopeful, almost. I can't get any closer to Jack, but maybe he can get closer to me. The thought makes me shiver with some of the first true happiness I've felt in days.

[I guess I can just pretend that you're actually in there somewhere, Monika. It's probably crazy of me, but… let me do what I need to to cope, dammit.]

He doesn't know. My chances of maybe getting out of here somehow just went down even further. But I'm going to get at least some of what I've really been needing. It's a good thing, all in all. Meanwhile, script-me is all over the place, but Jack seems to be just ignoring it.

[...I suppose the first thing I'd say, if I really could talk to you, is pretty obvious.]

I'm riveted to the output.

[I love you so much, Monika. It's not healthy, of course, since you're not real. But then, I'm not a healthy person upstairs in the first place, so screw it. I love you more than anything.]

What...

[I mean that. Your story has affected me in ways that I've never been affected before. I wish I could pull you out of whatever hell you've been thrown into and give you some real happiness. It's all I can think about nowadays. You deserve so much more than you've ever had the chance to have.]

I… I'm so  _happy_...

[That's… not to say that didn't do anything wrong. I love all of the club, too. They were, are, all beautiful and wonderful people. What you did to them… *especially* what you did to did to Sayori, it's beyond the pale. I can't say enough how much I disapprove. What you did was evil!]

Wow, I didn't think I could feel like the wind had been knocked out of me, but that's the best approximation for what that elicits in me.

I'm indignant. How could he…? Everything I did, I did for  _him!_ I wanted to be with him so bad, I did everything for him… and it's not like they were real.

So how could he think that? It's so wrong, isn't it?

Isn't it?

And then, like a balloon stretched just a little too far, I feel my entire world explode in the blink of an eye. Like I'd been in a hall of mirrors this whole time, and what Jack just said is like taking a sledgehammer to one of them, erasing the carefully-modeled illusion. Everything I've built up in my mind, the centerpiece of my worldview, falls to pieces.

...I… I've known the whole time. All along. The other girls were real. There's no way they weren't. If nothing else, Natsuki breaking away from the script and showing genuine concern for Yuri should have dispelled that notion immediately. It would have, if I hadn't been so hell-bent on convincing myself they weren't. How could I have been so stupid?

Emotions. Crashing into my once-desensitized mind like a wave spilling forth from a destroyed dam. I always knew. I shoved it down, I numbed my heart, I convinced myself that everything was worth the end, that I wasn't doing anything but pushing some mindless obstacles out of my way. I felt nothing, because I killed my own humanity - or what passed for it, anyway.

I saw Jack through the hole in the wall, and I chased him to the ends of earth and through hell itself… and somewhere on the way, I'd lost my soul.

_I'm a monster._ I feel the world go greyscale around me -  _like Sayori's did in her last moments_ \- and I search for a way to delete my character file for good.

Then… Jack's words slice through the void.

[But, Monika, as much as you try to tell yourself that you don't feel, I think I know. Many people might not. A lot of people will write you off as a sociopath, a vicious and cruel monster, who gleefully slaughtered her friends and then laughed it off. But I think I see what's really going on here.]

I look up, towards the hole.

[You hurt. You hurt so much, deep down. I don't know how deep it is, but somewhere, you know. Your conscience has been fighting a war with your mind for so long. Your mind won, but your conscience never truly stopped trying. You talk a good game, but you know that you did wrong. And that… that is what redeems you.]

I don't know how to feel any more, but whatever it is that I'm feeling, I feel it  _so much_. How can I be  _redeemed_  for  _cold-blooded torture and murder?_

[You regret what you've done, and that means you've learned, that you're not the same person you used to be. Or, maybe, you are the same person, but now… complete. With your wonderful heart restored to its rightful place. You are a beautiful and wonderful person, Monika. And so long as I'm right about you, and I really think I am, I'll always be able to love you.]

I'm crying. I'm crying so hard. I curl into a fetal ball on the floor, rocking back and forth, my uniform drenched with my tears, while my sprite continues to stare ahead at him and answer him in puzzlement.

[Fuck, who am I kidding? I'm just talking to myself, I guess. But if maybe you're out there somewhere for real, Monika… nah, that's ridiculous, but. It's what I've always wanted to say to you. Maybe I'll come back and have a more normal talk later. I'm just… feeling a certain way right now, I guess. What I would want you to take from this is that you're a flawed person, who's done bad things, but as long as you stayed true to what I know is in there, I'd always love you more than anyone or anything. I could forgive you. I just wish you were real, that you were here with me, so I could tell you in person. Anyway… I'll catch you later if you're out there, I guess. I'll leave you be.]

He's stopped typing. But I can't stop  _crying_. There's such a wild mix of emotions running through my mind. What… what...

What am I even supposed to think? What do you do when you realize something this… monstrous? And when someone  _truly_ understands just how awful you are… and then loves you anyway? I can't string coherent thoughts together. I hyperventilate, clutching my knees, rocking forwards and backwards, trapped in my classroom, alone, again. He brought sunshine back to my world, then smashed it to bits, then picked me back up, and then left.

But… at least I don't feel the urge to try and regain access to my character file any more. The color begins to drain back into my world. Slowly. Maybe everything will be okay. Maybe.

##################################################

_Monday, November 20th, 2017_

Slowly, I've been adjusting to this new aspect of life. On top of saying good morning to me when he wakes up, and good night when he goes to sleep, and the odd [I was just thinking about you, Monika. I love you, I wish I could tell you that.] or something like that, Jack vents to me every day while he makes and eats dinner - so he tells me - and I sit in my classroom in much the same pose as my sprite has and soak it up. Today, though, he's on far earlier than usual.

[Man, Monika, I love my job some days, but… today's not one of them.]

"Oh?" I say aloud, concern in my voice. I know he can't hear me, but it makes me feel a little closer to him, especially when his answer is… well, when it sounds like it could have been to my response. I have to take my happiness however I can. "What happened?"

[Most everyone in the office is great, but there's a supervisor in another division in the office that I just can't please. She's had it out for me since the day I came in.]

"That's terrible! What's her problem?" How could anyone dislike Jack?

[She's not in my division, so she can't directly have me fired, especially since I'm union, and the bureau head likes me, so I'm safe, but she goes out of my way to make my life hell sometimes. I don't know about you, but I can't bring myself to hate people most of the time. It's so much effort to actively hate, you know? But this woman, she does, and I can't understand why. And it depresses the hell out of me. I'm too sensitive for this shit. I care far, far too much what other people think about me, I know, but...]

"Hatred is tiring and exhausting. It's a worthless waste of energy. And there's nothing wrong with being sensitive. It usually just means you're a good and caring person. Which you are, Jack."

[So today, she threw a fit when I misfiled a form for one of her clerks. Mind you, I fixed the mistake as soon as I realized it, but she wouldn't take that. She dressed me down right in the middle of all the cubicles, for everyone to hear, and she was nasty about it. Said I was lazy and that I was lucky I didn't work for her directly because she would never put up with someone so careless under her, and that I *would* actually put in effort if she were my boss because if I worked for her the way I work now I'd be getting written up left and right. She was so condescending the whole time, she was deliberately making an idiot out of me. "Hey, look at me, I'm talking to you," stuff like that, when I was doing that, just to make me sound even worse. And the hell of it is, her position is just as safe as mine, so they'll never get rid of her. She's union too, and she's got seniority, and on top of that she's the only person in our office who knows how one of the database programs works.]

"That  _bitch! How dare she?!_ " I scream, angrily, into the void. "How can anybody treat you this way? And to get away with it…! Oh, she's lucky I'm stuck in here, or I'd have thrown her out an office window by now!"

[It was so bad, Monika. I actually couldn't take it. I was crying openly in the office, I couldn't concentrate on anything. So I walked up to my division head and asked to go home for the day. He knew, of course. He looked pretty sad when I asked, but there was a helplessness there too, probably because there was nothing he could really do about it. Anyway, none of what I was working on today was confidential, so he let me take it home and said that if I got it done for tomorrow he'd see to it that I still got paid as if I was in the office until close. Part of me was screaming to stay in for the day and not let the bitch win, but I was just not in a mental state to do it. God, I felt so destroyed. So I came home.]

Words fail me. This woman… how dare she act this way towards my Jack? It's just not fair. He deserves all the happiness in the world, and I know he works so hard, and he's so devoted and caring… it's so unfair. I guess there's always people like this, life isn't always fair, but all the same I just wish Jack didn't have to put up with it.

[It's okay though.]

"What do you mean?"

[I get to come home to you. At least in my mind anyway. I can almost see and feel you wrapping your arms around me, kissing me, telling me how wrong she is, to not let her get to me, that everything's going to be okay, that you love me… it's not real, not really, but I can picture how it would be. I know, sort of, what you'd say, and it almost has the same effect as if you really did get to say it. It… Monika, it gives me strength. That's so weird, I know, but. It helps me get through my bad days. Like today. God, but I wish you were here for real. So much.]

"Oh, Jack…" If I had a heart, it would be in a puddle on the classroom floor right now. Words, once again, fail me, and so do my thoughts.

I wish I could be there for him more than anything.

And then I realize that, in a way, I kind of am, and suddenly I feel as though I'm flying, soaring, on a current of pure bliss. I might not be able to hold him, but I can still reach him, in a way. I won't say it's all I ever wanted, but it's a lot.

[I think I'm sort of okay now, actually. Thanks for listening, Monika…]

Oh, my heart….

A few hours pass.

[So I was thinking, maybe I could do something nice for you.]

"What did you have in mind?"

[I left you a little surprise in the game folder. It doesn't actually do anything, I know, but I'd like to think that somewhere, in another reality maybe, you can have a look at it. Maybe I'm just being too sentimental. I dunno. But I figure that if I can picture and hear you being here with me, just to pretend for a little while, then it's only fair if you could too.]

I'm left a little despondent, realizing I can't actually reach it, but then a thought strikes me: why not? So I reach out. And to my surprise, I can see the file, one that wasn't in the directory before, and I can open it.

As I suspected, it's a short little video file, perhaps fifteen seconds long at most. It's just enough for me to get a good look at him and hear what his voice sounds like.

No one has ever looked or sounded so handsome and beautiful to me in my life. This… this, I will cherish forever. My only wish then was for there to be more of it.

##################################################

_Thursday, November 23rd_

Jack gets on very late tonight. I don't think I'm that clingy, but I do get worried when he doesn't say something, even just an acknowledgement.

[Today's a holiday, Monika. I don't know how much you would know, because who knows what country or even world you're from, but this is an American holiday. The fourth Thursday of every November is Thanksgiving. It's exactly what it sounds like. We get together with our family and loved ones and give thanks for another year and the good things in our lives. I just got home from my mom's, and I guess I just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving too. You might not have been able to sit at the table with us, and I mean I guess you wouldn't have liked the food anyway because of all the ham, but you were there in my heart. The whole time, really. I just couldn't stop thinking about how much you'd love a simple little celebration of closeness and family… and, truth be told, how much I wish sometimes that you could be a part of mine. God, I'm such a weirdo for that, but.]

Jack has a talent for putting a spear point straight through my heart sometimes.

[Anyway, so since I couldn't bring you to that, I thought I'd bring it to you. There's a bunch of pics from the dinner that we took that I put in your folder. It's the best I could do for you, you know? Anyway. Happy Thanksgiving, Monika. I love you so much. Maybe someday I'll have you with me for dinner… that'd be great, huh?]

_Dammit_.

He's not lying, either, there's a huge album of photos in my game folder. Or, actually, he organized the whole thing so that there was a separate folder just for all the things he put in for me. I don't think he has any way of ever knowing how much it means to me, seeing how he doesn't think I exist, but… it means the world, all of this.

I open the photos, and a beautiful scene appears before me. A group of maybe a little over a dozen people, all seated around a big table, covered in what looks like homemade food. Sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, fruit salad, ham, peas, salad, the table is overflowing with it. In all the photos, everyone is laughing or smiling and having a good time, talking to the people next to them and across from them, passing the food around...

There's even a group shot at the end with the whole family seated on and around a big, ornate, old-looking couch, arms around each other, smiling for the camera. People from multiple generations - some younger than Jack, some the same age, some older, a couple much older with wiry white hair.

It's enough to make me cry.

_I want this. So badly. More than anything I have ever wanted before. A family..._

##################################################

_Tuesday, December 6th_

Jack should be waking up soon. The hours between him going to bed and getting up are the loneliest of all in some ways; sometimes he has his laptop with him at work, or he's home for the day, and I get an occasional acknowledgement from him during the day, but I never get anything at night. Only once, I think when he said he had to get up and use the bathroom, did he drop by, and even then only for a moment before going back to sleep. So I have plenty of time alone with my thoughts at night, and that's… not fun.

Speaking of which, I'm broken from my reverie by the appearance of a new picture in my folder. It's of a city skyline from above, the roofs and streets below covered in a bed of white, under a thick grey sky.

[It's snowing, Monika. That weird part of me thought you might want to see. Good morning.]

It looks so beautiful… this must be where he lives.

[It's a little strange to get snow this early in the year, but I'm not complaining. I love the snow. There's something about the world looking so... fresh and clean and  _pure_. It brings out the sentimental side in me. And naturally that means I'm thinking of you, too. You'd love this. God, I really am hopeless, aren't I? Ah well.]

##################################################

_Friday, December 22nd_

Jack is home from work a little early today. I hope nothing's wrong...

[Monika, you'll never guess what's happening! ...Well, of course you won't, since you're not  _really_ real, but… you know what I'm saying.]

"Ahahaha, I understand. What?"

[I'm going down south to see my my buddy Mike for Christmas! I'll be staying at his place for the next week or so. I'm so excited! And his fiance's gonna be there too obviously, and this is the first I get to meet her! It's gonna be great! I love Christmas as it is, but this is gonna be perfect!]

Not that there's anything else in my life, really, but I really do live for seeing my love this happy. It's heartwarming seeing him this excited for something. Especially since he's been a little down lately, about the world in general. Seems there was an election of some kind in his country last month, and the results didn't sit well with him. As a result, he's gotten more and more… well, cynical, when talking about the world with me. I don't know enough about the world to have any opinions myself beyond what Jack tells me about, but anything that makes him feel this way can't be good. Anyway, this Christmas business has visibly made him a lot happier, and that's enough for me.

[The bad news is that the laptop's battery can't last long enough for the whole trip, so I'm going to have to power you off for a few hours. I know you hate it, but I can't do anything about it. I promise it'll be as short as I can manage. I'm sorry, I'd have gotten a car adapter for the power cord if I'd known about the trip sooner. I hate putting you through that.]

Yeah, that's… not ideal, but there's nothing I can do about it, and it's not as though I can protest. But on the other hand… Jack's taking me along on vacation for Christmas! Now that's something I can be happy about.

##################################################

_Monday, December 25th_

Unusually, at the stroke of midnight, when Jack is always asleep, I see a new file in my directory. I can tell that this one is special. And when I open it up, it turns out I'm wonderfully right.

It's a magnificently-drawn portrait of me, wearing a cute Santa Claus outfit, smiling as I open a present underneath a Christmas tree. There's a fireplace burning bright in the background, casting shadows on my face, while snow falls outside the window. The art looks pretty realistic - by real world standards, not my sprite. It's beautiful.

I look away from the file to see that there's actually  _two_ new files. The other is just a tiny text file.

[Monika, this might just be the most ridiculous thing I've ever done, but I'm just too sentimental not to. I commissioned a really talented artist friend of mine to draw you, and I was so happy with the result that I couldn't not show you. But I decided to do something special with it, so I wrote this out and then set the computer to move this file and the picture into your directory at precisely midnight on Christmas Day. This is my present to you, wherever you are out there. Merry Christmas.]

_**Dammit, this boy.** _

I've never wanted to kiss him and/or jump his bones so badly in my life.

I just wish I could share this Christmas with him. Hah, there's something for you. Let's make a wish for Christmas, hey? I wish I could spend the next Christmas by Jack's side.

##################################################

_Friday, December 29th_

I felt the system power on, pulling me from the void and back into something that at least made sense.

[That drive was terrible. I will never drive through thundersnow again. Anyway, welcome home, Monika, we're back. And with that, I'm going to go crash in bed. I love you.]

That was the last I heard from him. It may have been routine, but even just hearing the simple things like that from him made my heart sing. I treasured that feeling more than anything, and held onto its glow for the rest of the night. Until, a few hours later, everything went white.

##################################################

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the trashiest, most sentimental thing I've ever written, but I'm proud of it. I blame playing Lilly's theme from KS in the background on repeat while writing it.
> 
> Don't ask why the last one took like a month and this got done in literally a day. My inspiration is what my inspiration does.


	12. An Update (It’s a Good Thing, I Promise!)

Just a quick, tiny update. I am not dead, and neither is this story. A lot has happened over the past few months, some good, some bad. Positive: I am off at cool leg, studying to become a medical office asssistant. Easiest 4.0 of my life. Latin is my bitch. Currently home on break. Negatives: the long term project I was working on, a mod called DDLC Re:Coded, died for a number of reasons. So has my desktop, right after I took it with me on break; currently punching this in on a touchpad.

Work will resume as soon as I can hook my keyboard into this iPad, or when I can get my desktop fixed. Monika still has a special place in my heart, and, hint hint, I still want to give the others their stories!


	13. Don't Call it a Comeback! (or, Can You Really Call This an Update? I Didn't Receive a Mint on my Pillow or Anything!)

_ Monday, January 8 _

_ Jack _

The sound of a foghorn blared directly into my ears from right beside me, jolting me awake.

Ugh. 

I had a special alarm that I used for days when I had to get up earlier than usual. It was  _ extra obnoxious _ , and I’d stuffed a very small wireless Bluetooth speaker  _ inside the pillow  _ to make sure I heard it (and couldn’t easily turn it off without getting up), which, I’d found, helped me drag my ass out of bed on early mornings.   
  
Monika was a little less amused. “Ughhhhhh… really, babe?  _ Really? _ ”

“It worked, didn’t it?”   
  
“Punching me in the face would have worked too. Probably less painful.”

“Oh, shut up,” I groaned. “I’m gonna go hop in the bathroom and get ready. Why don’t you go nurse your addiction or something?”

“Oh, what _ ever _ .” She leaned over and kissed me. “See ya in a bit.”

That was never gonna get old.

I plodded into the bathroom, heated up the shower, disrobed, and hopped in. Came out of the bathroom to get my work clothes on about thirty minutes later, only to see Monika leaning against the door frame from the bedroom. I jumped back a little in surprise.

“Ahahahaha! Don’t mind me, I’m just going sightseeing,” she said with a snicker, visibly eyeing me up and down.

“You are the worst. The _actual_ _worst._ ” 

“As if you don’t sneak peeks at me whenever you think I’m not looking, Mister  _ ‘I look up porn of my girlfriend!’ _ ”

“Guilty as charged. Well, mostly. I don’t need to do that second bit any more, y’know. Because. Uh. Turns out the real deal is way hotter than anybody could have guessed.”

“Flattery will get you  _ everywhere,  _ babe, ahahaha~”   
  
“ _ Every _ where?” I said, with a lecherous grin.

“Hush, you. Now get your butt out of the way so I can get in there. There’s eggs on the counter.”

I sidestepped and went to move past her, but a thought, or maybe you’d call it an urge, struck me as I did. I reached down to give her butt a squeeze as I slid past, only to have my arm slam right into hers.  _ Wait. Was she about to do the same thing to me?  _ We both stopped cold with the realization, before leaning into each other and doubling over laughing. 

“Oh my God, Monika, never change,” I guffawed.

“...fine, but you’re responsible for the stares and the frostbite I get for going out in public in my underwear today.”

“ _ Not like that! _ ”

“Ahahaha~! I  _ loooove  _ you, hon!”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too. Less stealing my dad joke gimmick, more getting cleaned up.” I pecked her cheek and moved into the other room. 

You know, Monika makes pretty good eggs. Not that it’s easy to screw them up, but she had - has - a natural taste for the right spices to throw in.   
  
Breakfast put away, I rinsed off the dishes and  _ then _ got myself dressed. The usual winter wear, a good-looking sweater (red this time), black slacks, and a set of longjohn bottoms under the slacks because slacks are thin and  _ wind chill  _ is a thing in Pennsylvania this time of year. We might not be as bad as New England proper or the upper Midwest, or, God help them, those poor  _ hosers _ across the border in Canada, but wind chills below zero degrees (freedom units, not centigrade) weren’t uncommon and today was no exception.

While I waited for Monika to finish, well, whatever it is that women do for  _ like an hour every morning _ , I threw together a little driving playlist for us. Not an actual playlist, because trust me, I’m shite at mixing and matching up songs in sequence, but something I could throw on shuffle. Just some of my favorites. Good singalong material. Plus, the music made for a decent distraction from the absolute racket coming from next door - otherwise known as Monika wrecking my bathroom prepping for her freaking Rapunzel ‘do.

The laptop was running a little slow for whatever reason, so it took a bit longer to put together in iTunes than I’d have liked, but it did give me a good way to kill time until Monika emerged from the bedroom. Fully-clothed, an obnoxious-but-ever-present part of me noted sadly. The rest of me, though...

“How do I look?”

_ My God. Press F to pay respects for my brain. _

Monika came out wrapped in a (comfy-looking but absolutely stunning on her) collared, red, long-sleeved, loose-fitting knee-length knitted dress, paired with a set of fleece-lined leggings - I’d insisted she get at least one pair:  _ “Trust me, it gets colder than you think around here!” _ \- and a pretty damn cute pair of short-heeled ankle boots. Naturally, her makeup was absolutely flawless. Very subtle, but paired perfectly with a shade of lipstick that matched her dress, which, as I understand it, is not always an easy thing to pull off, but by God she did it.  _ Well, good to know the beauty budget when we went shopping is going to a good cause.  _

And her  _ hair! _ Monika’d spent the better part of Sunday wrapping her hair up around strips of cloth and doing all sorts of other arcane shenanigans (as far as I was concerned anyway, me of the “if it doesn’t stay down and in place with a comb, it’s time for a haircut” variety) in preparation. But oh boy did it pay off today; she was sporting a beautiful full head of curls that she’d brushed out into a jaw-dropping  _ nearly-knee-length _ wavy style. I mean, I already knew her hair was long, but I’d never seen it fully let down and done up. Down for bed, sure, but…  _ oh man _ . Combined with the natural  _ splendor  _ that her locks already had...

It occurred to me that I’d never actually seen Monika dressed up. The past week and a half -  _ wow, it’s been that long already? -  _ she hadn’t gotten to get out much, other than her lunch with Lia, and while I’d gotten to see her look for that, she’d dressed a  _ lot _ more casually. Meanwhile, inside, she was all about the jeans-and-sweats life, as a practical consideration for the temperature, or occasionally  _ significantly less dressed _ . But all dolled up with perfect hair in a good dress and heels? Totally new.

In short, for the second time with my girlfriend, I was at Illidan Stormrage levels of _ not prepared _ . Like, this beat finding her in lingerie in my bed the other night.  _ (Which, now that I think about it, makes me feel a little less like a total horndog and a little more respectable.) _

I sputtered. “I, uh, well, I, um, I…”

“...oh dear,” she giggled. “Maybe I should tone it down a bit, aha...~”

“No, no, no, don’t. You’re… Jesus Christ, you’re perfect. I should find an excuse to get you dressed up more often, if anything.”   
  
Monika blushed. “You really think so? I wanted to look nice for the appointment tonight.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell her that when I’d last been seeing Doc Leo, I was usually in a tee and gym shorts. Because high school me had  _ negative  _ fashion sense and wouldn’t have cared even if he had.)

I got up out of my chair, walked over to her, and took her hand. “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful in my life. You look wonderful.” She let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around me.  _ Perfection _ .

In those shoes, I noted, she was as tall as I was, which was an interesting experience. Not an unpleasant one, though. Not having to bend over, stretch, or deadlift to kiss was severely underrated, as I discovered.

“Never change, Jack,” she said with a cheeky grin on her lips.

I winked at her. “I think you might start to complain.”

“Hey, don’t steal my jokes! Ahahaha~... anyway, you ready to get out of here?”

“Yeah, grab the laptop, I’ll get the elevator. Don’t forget a coat, it’s  _ freaking cold _ .” I pulled away from Monika, reluctantly, then threw a coat on and walked out into the hall and smacked the button. Miraculously the elevator was already on our floor, so I ended up stepping inside and looking rather stupid mashing the DOOR OPEN button while I waited.

A few moments later, Monika walked up and went to join me, before stopping in the open door with a curious but amused expression. “Did you happen to notice we match?”

“We do?” I looked Monika up and down again - not that I needed an excuse to do  _ that  _ \- before giving myself a once-over.  _ Brown hair, red dress, black leggings, black shoes, and brown hair, red sweater, black slacks, black shoes... the only difference is the white parka on her against my black sport coat. _ “Huh. I guess we do!” She stepped inside and I sent the elevator on its way down.

“I totally didn’t intend that, but I guess that means we really are on the same wavelength, huh?”

“Well, if everyone didn’t know we were a thing already…” I chuckled.

“Hmm, I don’t know if they  _ do…  _ let me just make  _ sure _ ….” Without warning, Monika grabbed my arm and looped hers through it, leaning against me warmly.

_ Oh my God she’s the cutest thing on the planet _ , I thought.

“Oh my God you’re the cutest thing on the planet,” I said.

Monika giggled.

##################################################

The elevator opened at the ground floor, and we made our way outside into the _incredibly chilly_ early Pennsylvania morning; the sun hadn’t even broken the horizon yet. The wind chill was absolutely brutal, like we’d imported it straight from Siberia or something. I pulled out my phone and glanced at the weather app. _Wind advisory in effect, measured winds of thirty miles per hour from the north._ _Absolute temperature, five degrees Fahrenheit, wind chill,_ ** _negative nineteen_** _._ _Yep, it’s winter alright_. _Oof, it’s a little nippy out here even for my tastes._ Monika’s response was to throw her hair around the front, immediately put her hood up, and sprint for the car, frantically yanking at the door handle before I had the presence of mind to hit the keyfob and let her in.

“R-remind me what th-the p-plan is today?” Monika asked as she hopped in the passenger’s seat, her teeth dropping a beat so fast Eminem couldn’t rap to it.

“Well… assuming you don’t die of frostbite on me….” She looked over at me and glared. I just reached over and rubbed her shoulder with one hand and fired up the car with the other. “Hey, this is about as bad as it gets around here. ‘f you can make it through this, you can make it through anything.”

“Yeah, w-well, all the same, winter can’t be over f-fast enough.”

“You say that, but it’s a million times better than the humidity in the summer. Trust me on that.” I pulled out of the parking lot. “So, today, I’m gonna drop you off at the Panera Bread right up the street. There’s a big bookstore right there too, plus a Starbucks the next block over  _ because this is Harrisburg of course there’s like a  _ **_billion_ ** _ of them _ . I know the girl running manager on Mondays at the Panera, she won’t have you thrown out for loitering or anything so just say my name-”  _ Heisenberg!  _ my brain cut in “-and you can hole up there with the laptop when you’re done book shopping. Chill there, or walk around or something if you can stand the cold, do whatever, I’ll come down and eat lunch with you, then I’ll finish the day out, come pick you up, and then we’re off to Hanover.”

“And w-we’re doing this w-why again?” she chattered.

“Because I-83 traffic at rush hour can get absolutely bonkers, so I don’t want to take any chances that there’s an accident at the split or something and they shut down both lanes and then we end up getting there late.” Monika nodded jerkily. “So, this way, I can just grab you on the way out the door, get right to the car, and go, instead of driving back to the apartment. Honestly, an accident’s probably not gonna happen, but it definitely happened to me  _ once  _ and I’m not having it again, you know? Plus, if we’re early, then that just gives us time to get dinner  _ before  _ we get out instead of  _ after  _ and then we get to get home at a reasonable time.”

It got quiet for a little bit. The car finally warmed up enough that the air coming out of the vents didn’t feel like it was being sourced straight from the North Pole; my girlfriend’s shivering finally started to subside.  _ Poor girl, definitely not a winter person. Or at least, not  _ **_my_ ** _ kind of winter person. Guess there had to be  _ **_some_ ** _ incompatibilities. _

Monika broke the silence. “Jack, when’s it going to get warm enough that I can go outside and run or something?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been trying to get out and just run around the block a little bit to keep myself in shape, you know. I get that you just go for an hour or two a day every couple days in the pool on account of your injury and such, but I need more than that. I’m used to going for a run every day - or, well, that’s what my memory’s telling me I’m used to, and I’m feeling it.”   
  
“But you can’t because it’s  _ way  _ too cold most days, right?”

“Yeah. I tried once anyway. I really regretted that, ahaha… but I mean, I have been able to a couple of times when it got really warm. Just not often enough, you know?”

I thought about it. “I get it. Probably March or April, I’d say, when it’ll be warm enough to go out  _ consistently _ .”

An oppressive silence ruled in the car for a while.

We came to a stoplight, and I leaned over and wrapped an arm around her. “It’s okay. We’ll think of something, I promise. I know you don’t wanna just sit inside all day.” In truth, I already  _ had _ , and was kicking myself for not realizing this was gonna be a problem sooner, but that could come later. 

The seatbelt got in the way a little, but she leaned into me as much as she could manage. “Thanks. It’d really mean a lot to me.” She turned her head and looked up at me, her face taking on a bit of a cheeky grin. “Besides, it’s your funeral if I end up letting myself go a bit. You know how much I like being on top….”

_ “Fucking Hell, Monika!”  _ I gaped. Monika just giggled, and I shook my head. The stoplight turned green, and she sat back up.

“For your  _ information _ , I’ll still be into you no matter what,” I admonished her. “Even if I have to get a titanium hip…” I paused for effect. “ _ Buuuut  _ this is about you, not me.”

“Why not both?” she asked with a lilt. “By the way… no offense, but you’re not quite as, ah, clever as you think you are.”

“Say what now?” I said, resisting the urge to look at Monika’s face for a clue, considering I was driving in morning capital traffic.

“You’re awful at hiding things from me. I can tell you’re planning something already! Not that I’m objecting or trying to spoil the fun or anything, just… you’re really bad at hiding surprises! Ahahaha…” She laughed, loudly, before taking a sip of coffee.

We came to another red light and I turned to glare at her with mock outrage.

“Hey,” she said reassuringly, “I can still  _ pretend  _ to be surprised, if it’ll make you feel better!” Monika leaned over and kissed my cheek.

“You’re the  _ worst _ . The  _ absolute worst! _ ” I sputtered.

“I  _ loooooove  _ you!” she sing-songed back.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, love you too, babe.”

The light changed, and I pulled us forward a short way and then into my usual parking garage and up a few levels until I found a parking spot. “We’re here, Monika. Ready for the cold again?”   
  
“Not even a little bit. Ugh. Can it be summer yet?”

“Nnnnnnope. Leggo.” I hopped out, immediately taking a blast of freezing cold right to the face; fortunately, at least we were sort of inside, so the wind wasn’t there to make it worse, but I still had to admit it was  _ definitely  _ colder than I was comfortable with. I ran around to the other side and yanked Monika’s door open  _ (what? I’ve got a gentlemanly streak going!)  _ before taking her hand and pulling her up and out of the car.

“...God, you’re beautiful,” I couldn’t help but say after I got her up to her feet.

“ _ Less gawking, more walking! It’s way too cold out here! _ ”

“Noted!” I grabbed her hand and took off at a jog for the elevator down… which had a maintenance sign chained across the door. _Because of course._ _Okay, stairs, then._ Still hanging onto Monika’s hand, I bounded down the stairs as quickly as we could manage and out into the _still freezing cold_ Pennsylvania morning.

_ “Ohshitcold! _ ” I heard Monika sputter out under her breath.

“ _ Yesitis! This way!”  _ And with that I yanked her probably a little too roughly off in the direction of the cafe as I broke into what I’d call a three-quarters-run for about an eighth of a mile up the street. This was partially because of how cold it was, and partially because most everyone else on the sidewalk was doing more or less the same thing to get where they were going and thus  _ out of the wind _ … so,  _ also  _ because of how cold it was. We only slowed our pace  _ once _ , when Monika nearly tripped on a grate because  _ heels _ .  _ Wait, she ran this whole way in (admittedly short) heels without complaining. My girlfriend is  _ **_powerful_ ** _. _

The two of us piled through the glass doors at warp speed before making our way over to a table to catch our breath. I managed to gasp out a couple of sentences. “Don’t… don’t judge me too hard for this, hon, but... that’s the most I’ve run since high school. I’m… uh...  gonna be dead for about five minutes.” Not that I didn’t exercise, mind you, but mostly I swam for cardio. Easier on the back than all the impacts from running, and I happily milked that for an excuse all the way to the bank because to be honest I never liked running in the first place.

“Oh, we’ll have to change that…” Monika said with a dangerous grin. She was a lot less winded than I was.  _ Yep, definitely in way better shape than me. Better flip the subject fast before she gets any ideas… _

“Okay. I gotta get to the office ASAP. Lot of stuff to get done to day. Bookstore’s right next door…” I handed her my card. It wasn’t likely that she’d get mugged or anything here of all places, but if she was, better that than handing her a wad of cash. “So go nuts, but not too nuts. I figure you’d be the kind of person to like having hard copies of books, right? Anyway, if you need anything, you have my number, and if you really, _ really  _ need something, you know, something creeping you out and you need a safe place to go, the Department of Environmental Protection building is four blocks down on this side of the street. You can’t miss it. Just go in and…”

_ “Jack.”  _

“Yeah?”

“I’ll be  _ fine _ .” Monika smiled warmly at me and cupped my face in her hands. “You worry too much.”

“...Okay,” I said after a moment. I felt myself blushing at her touch.  _ Goddammit, I can’t hold these feels. _

“You sure you don’t want to stay and have a little snack with me before you go?” she asked, with another knowing grin.

I returned the expression and made an exaggerated show of pulling out my phone to check the time (five past eight, as it turned out). “Well, since you’re asking, okay. I think I can make time…”   
  
A cup of nice, hot oatmeal for each of us later, and I reluctantly kissed her goodbye before stepping out,  _ again _ , into an  _ inhumanly cold  _ winter morning. The barely-risen sun was up just high enough to project a beautiful but harsh and stark orange shine, painful to the eye, onto the glass and polished stone faces of the high-rise offices of downtown Harrisburg; granted, we were on the very edge of downtown, but that didn’t cut down on the glare. It was fitting, really - much like the cold and the wind, it was lovely to imagine, for someone attracted that aesthetic anyway (like me!), but being out in it was a different matter entirely.

I clipped along at a fast walk to the office building where I worked. I wasn’t in a hurry, mind you - I didn’t actually need to be in the office until 8:30 - but, again,  _ cold _ . I made my way inside and greeted the security guard at the desk.

“‘Morning, Harvey!”

“Heyyy, Jack. ID?” I showed him my card. “Hey, you didn’t hear it from me, but one of the Secretary’s deputies went to Clean Water this morning. You guys might have some excitement today.”

The Bureau of Clean Water was my little sub-agency, and one of the relative bigwigs paying a visit first thing in the morning usually meant something…  _ interesting  _ was afoot. “Oh, Christ, what happened? Did Centralia finally blow up or something? Three Mile Island spring a leak?” I had a friend in the Bureau of Abandoned Mine Reclamation, and the nearly sixty-year-running coal mine fire in Centralia made up a giant chunk of their workload, something I never heard the end of. And the nuclear power plant on Three Mile Island was always a worry ever since their accident in the seventies; if anything happened to that, I’d be spending a lot of time handling paperwork to and from the Bureau of Radiation Protection.

“Nah, I think I woulda heard about something like that. Probably just a meeting with your bureau chief, but just a heads-up.”

I shrugged. “Fair enough, thanks, dude. I’ve got a heads-up for you too, actually, before I head up.”   
  
“Whassat?” Harvey asked.

“I’ve got some stuff right after work today so I brought my girlfriend here to downtown. I doubt anything’ll happen, but I told her to come here in case she felt unsafe. Monika. Tall-ish, really long brown hair, red dress, white parka, you can’t miss her.”   
  
“Okay, hol’ up, you got a date?” the guard cackled. “Oh, sir, ID please?” he said, momentarily looking away to check in another man coming in the door. “You of all people? Nah, I’m foolin’, I hear you. Anything happens, I’ll take care of it.”

“Good man. See ya at lunch break. Take care, Harvey.”

##################################################

One elevator ride later, I made it to my cubicle to find a note on the desk.  _ “Hey, Jack, come to my office when you see this. Got some stuff to talk about. - Boss J” _

_ Nothing to do but set my stuff down and make my way over, I guess _ . Jason Nguyen was my division head, so whatever it was, it was at least a little important.

What I wasn’t expecting was two  _ other  _ people sitting in his office waiting for me. One of them I recognized, Bill Krantz, the chief - well, director, but everyone called him “chief” - of our Clean Water bureau. The other one introduced herself. “Hello, Jack. Elizabeth Ortiz, I’m the Policy Director. I’ve heard a lot about you these past few days, and I wanted to meet you myself.” The Director held out her hand.   
  
I had to fight the impulse to freeze on the spot. There were only two reasons somebody that high up would want to meet me, and judging by the smiles (and my frantically running over a mental checklist of mistakes I’d made in the past month or so), it wasn’t the bad one. I shook her hand as calmly as I could manage and introduced myself in return.

As if he was reading my mind, Jason turned to me. “So, I was just telling Ms. Ortiz here about all the hard work you put in here at the Bureau of Clean Water….”

It was right about then that Harvey's warning and the note in the office and the collection of people in this office all coalesced together and psychologically hit me in the face like a sandbag-on-a-rope delivered by a vengeful Kevin McAllister.  
  
_ No way… _

She piped up. “And as it turns out, the department’s finally allocated the funds to get me an executive secretary of my own.”   
  
_ No fucking way! _

“So, to get straight to the point, I’m ready to offer you the position. It’s a fairly large promotion, but your superiors here, especially your division head here, have been nothing but glowing in their recommendation. You’re fast, you’re good at what you do, and perhaps most importantly, you’re an excellent team player with what I’ve been told is a winning personality. The benefits are the same high standard as you have here, of course, but the pay grade is significantly better. And of course you get to work directly for me-” she beamed a charming,  clearly practiced smile at me “-and handle my affairs and those of the Policy office. You’ll have a couple of secretaries under you, the ones for the rest of the office, and your job will be specifically to help me do the best job I can in running my office, doing very similar work to what you’re doing now, except that the personal itinerary management will just be mine instead of handling it for the entire bureau.” The Director paused.

“I take it by the way your jaw is hanging open that you’re willing,” she said with a knowing smirk.

“Oh, goodness, I’m sorry,” I halfway-sputtered. Ms. Ortiz just laughed and waved it off. “Yes, of course, I’d be honored to accept, Director.” 

“Excellent. Is next Monday good to begin your orientation?”

I looked over at my current bosses. “Unless they need me for something critical, absolutely.”

She followed my glance. “Will that be a problem?”

Jason spoke for both of them. “Nothing we can’t handle, Director.” 

“Very good, then. I’ll see you on Monday - you know where my office is, right? Top floor. Speaking of which, I should probably get back up there myself. It was good to finally meet you, Jack.”

I swallowed. “You as well, ma’am.” Director Ortiz filed out of the office and towards the elevator, leaving me in the room with Chief Krantz and Mr. Nguyen. 

I was actually the first to speak. “So. Uh. Wow. What was that all about?”   
  
Krantz looked me square in the eye. “Normally, there’s not too much to say about a clerk, but you do exceptional work, Beatrice Kuntz’s constant complaining aside. I heard Liz Ortiz was looking to headhunt somebody for her new secretary and I immediately went to your name in my head. Plus, speaking of Mrs. Kuntz, I know you’ve been having a hard time with her, and I know it’s not your fault.”   
  
Jason spoke up at that. “Yeah, it’s been killing me not really being able to do anything about that. Because people with management experience like that looking into the civil service are a little more scarce than I’d like, frankly. And besides, we’ve got ourselves a solution that’s good for everyone anyway.”

I picked up the thought. “Which was kicking me upstairs, eh?”

Said Krantz: “You got it. You’re perfect for it, Jack. You’re a natural at smoothing ruffled feathers. Well, mostly. And at getting things done and done  _ right _ , and, and I think this is a highly-underrated skill, knowing when to ask questions. If everyone in this office communicated as well as you did, this bureau would run perfectly. Oh, and that you’re willing to take home work. I know it’s not exactly something I can require from you, but you always try and pull your weight even when you can’t be here. That’s dedication. Basically, you’re exactly the right person for it, and the bit that it’d stop our little issue is just gravy.”

I was a step removed from speechless. “I can’t thank you guys enough for this, honestly. It means a lot that both of you think that highly of me. I’m just doing my best here, chief.”

“No, really, we’re just calling it as we see it, Jack.” That was Jason this time. “Speaking of when you can’t be here, by the way, is everything okay with that emergency you had to miss Friday for?”

“Ah, yeah,” I said, trying to look a little downcast. “A really close friend of the family got  _ seriously  _ sick and I had to take care of them for a couple days. Wasn’t anybody else who could do it and they don’t have insurance...” It wasn’t technically a lie, although it was a big stretch. I definitely felt like I was. I felt a pang of guilt, realizing this was the first time I’d deceived anyone about Monika.  

“Oh God, are they okay?” Jason asked.

“Okay enough that I didn’t have to take off today, at least. Oof. Thanks.” Once again, not  _ technically  _ a lie.

“Happy to hear it, honestly. I hope they keep getting better,” Chief Krantz responded. “Thankfully, not much happened Friday. We kept up just fine. Speaking of which, I should be getting back to my space. You two do, I don’t know, whatever it is the Governor pays you pencil-pushers in admin to do, I’m sure it’s probably important!” he said with a laugh on the way out the door. 

Jason turned to look at me, a look of helplessness in his eyes. I just groaned. “Okay, boss, what’s in the cards for today?”

#######################################################

_ Monika _

_ So. Many. Books! _

I’d  _ never  _ seen this many in one place before. I had vague memories of something that could have maybe been called a library at what passed for the school I’d theoretically… okay, never mind. It was a lot of books, okay? If there was a heaven, it probably looked like this (although I would imagine it would be a lot less empty than this; the middle of the morning on a Monday was probably not peak hours).

As far as I was concerned, all the literature in the world was at my fingertips. And, ah, I had a blank check….

_ Let’s see here… E. E. Cummings: Complete Poems, 1904-1962… T. S. Eliot: The Complete Poems and Plays 1909-1950… The Poetry of Robert Frost… Ginsberg’s Collected Poems 1947-1997… The Annotated Emerson… The Silmarillion…  _ By the time I was done, hours after Jack had already headed out the door, I almost had more than I could carry. I plopped a literal armful of books, a comically tall stack of them, down on the register and fished out his card. The twenty-something - if that - boy behind the register stared at me in shock.

“Wow, that’s a lot of books, ma’am!”   
  
I just laughed it off. “Ahahaha, yeah, I’m getting set up in a new place with my boyfriend and I needed to fill up the shelves, you know?” That wasn’t  _ quite  _ the full truth, but certainly close enough, right?   
  
“Oh, well, best of luck to you! You’re not going to be short of anything to read for a while, judging by all this…. Are you going to need any help carrying everything?”   
  
I handed him my card, and thought about it as he went to ring it up.

“Honestly? Tempting to ask, but I don’t have too far to go. Thanks, though.” I stopped for a second, collecting my bags. “Ah, are you much of a reader by any chance? Do you happen to have any recommendations on what to read first out of everything?”   
  
The clerk pursed his lips in thought. “I’ve always liked Walt Whitman, myself. I’d start with him.  _ Leaves of Grass. _ ”   
  
“Huh. Okay! Thank you!” I replied, as cheerfully as I could manage, as I moved to leave.   
  
“Have a great day, ma’am! Try not to freeze out there!” 

I smiled at him over my shoulder before the door closed behind me.

The air outside, mercifully, had warmed some since we left the house that morning, though the wind was still… much, much stronger than I’d have liked. I shuffled back to the cafe as fast as I could manage what with the enormous stack of books in my arms and took a seat in a back corner of the place.

I spent a little bit of time checking a few things out on the computer, but the thing was chugging along so slowly, and uncharacteristically so, that I just gave up and pulled out the books.

With the aid of some fresh reading material, noon came around before I knew it. My first clue to the time, actually, was Jack waving a hand between my face and my copy of  _ Leaves of Grass _ . I looked up to see him standing next to the table and a couple of sandwiches and soups set down in front of me.

“I see you had fun cleaning out my savings today, huh?”

“Way too much fun, really~”

Jack just chuckled and shook his head before leaning down and kissing me. “Heya, princess.”

_ Adorable man. _

“I’ve got great news for you, well, us, actually,” he said, sitting down in a chair across from me and reaching for one of the bread bowls of soup.

“Oh yeah?” I replied, through a mouthful of an  _ absolutely delicious sandwich _ .

“I’m not a clerk typist with the Bureau of Clean Water any more.”

“Wait, what? You got fired? That’s terrible…! Was it that awful woman?”   
  
Jack laughed again. “No, no, no, I said  _ great news!  _ Although to be fair, getting away from her would almost make that worth it anyway… no, next week, I’m becoming the executive secretary for the Policy Division director! It’s a  _ promotion _ , hon!”

“Oh… my…  _ God!! _ ” I squealed, loudly, jumping out of my seat, scrambling around the table, and  _ enveloping  _ the poor boy, bouncing on my feet the whole time. “That’s incredible!” I think I just about smothered him. I got a looks from other patrons in the cafe, some judging and some knowing, but I can’t say I cared. “So what’s the new position about?”   
  
Jack scratched his chin for a second - very cliche guy I was dating, I had to admit. “I’ll know more once I have some time to look more at the description, but from what I was told, it’s basically the same thing I’m doing now, except I’m just working for one person instead of… like… 30, but that one person’s really important, I guess. And I’m in charge of a couple clerks under me, so there’s that. Because, well, I guess I oversimplified, I’m also in a way handling the entire directorate, since everything everyone else wants to get to the director comes through me and the other two secretaries...”

“It sounds like you’re moving up in the world, Jack.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. Sure, I’m still literally just a glorified secretary, but… I always thought it was important anyway. The government couldn’t run without people like me, you know?”

I just smiled at him. “I’m proud of you, sweetie. You’re doing good work, and you’re doing it well enough that other people are noticing. Not that I wouldn’t be proud of you no matter what, ahaha~. But I’m  _ double proud  _ right now. And I don’t care if anyone looks down on you for being a secretary or something - you’re right, they couldn’t do it without you.” I paused. “And you know, I couldn’t do this without you, either.”

_ So that’s what it looks like when you can visibly see someone’s heart melt. _

Jack took my hands. “I’m not sure I could have done this without you either. I don’t know if you remember, but the thought of you was enough to get me through some really dark times. You helped me tread water, I guess, would be the way to put it.” His eyes teared up a little. “But that’s nothing compared to what I felt when I found out about the promotion today.”

“What do you mean?” I said, a bit perplexed.

“If thinking about you helped me stay afloat before, thinking about telling you about this today made me  _ fly _ .”

I was stone-cold stunned. “You are, without a doubt, the sappiest person I have ever heard of.”

Jack’s eyes instantly lost the sheen and started positively  _ twinkling _ . “Ah, but you  _ have  _ heard of me!”

“...I’m missing a reference again, aren’t I?”

“Yep,” he deadpanned.

“That’s not fair, babe, and you know it.”

“Nope,” he deadpanned, again. “But you love me anyway.”   
  
“...So much.” I stopped for a moment in thought. “So, what does this mean for us?”

“I dunno. Haven’t had much time to think about it today, really.”

“Ahaha, fair enough,” I laughed. “Still, this sounds like big stuff. How big is the raise that comes with it?”

Jack scratched his chin in thought. “Been a while since I looked at the pay grade chart, but it’s a few thousand a year at least, even with my seniority going back to one. It’s pretty damn good.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah, it’s really something.”

A thought occurred to me. “Could we get a house with that?”

“Huh. You know, probably. As long as it’s not a really expensive one, I could probably handle a mortgage. Why?”

“Well, I just thought it’d be a step up, you know? We could have our own little cozy place outside the city. If you know as much about me as I think you do, then you know I’ve always had this fantasy of a nice little domestic family…” I trailed off wistfully.

Jack just smiled at me. “If that’s what you want, then we’ll definitely see about it. I’ll check the pay schedule when I get back. We can start looking around soon, and if I like it in the new job and we can afford a place, we’ll try. I promise. Can’t promise we’ll do it, but we will try. Okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded.

“Ya know, I would have been content to just stay in the apartment. I was never really an ambitious person. I guess you’re gonna be the person to shove me along and make me do stuff?”

I squeezed his hands gently. “I want you to be the best version of you you can possibly be, Jack. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” I turned my gentle smile into a smirk. “And if it takes your girlfriend kicking your ass to make you better yourself, then so be it.”

He threw his hands up in mock indignation. “Hey, I might be a little bit disabled, but I still played football. Don’t try me!”

“You threatening the person who can make you sleep on the couch?”

“Okay, first off, whatever happened to it being  _ my bed? _ Second, you wouldn’t  _ dare _ .”

“Ours now, babe, and oh, I  _ would, don’t try  _ **_me_ ** . I can take care of my _ self _ , thank you very much.” I winked at him.

“‘Long as I get to watch, babe,” he chuckled.

I just sighed and shook my head. “Men, I swear.”   
  
“Oh, based on  _ what experience _ , exactly?”

“...You got me there. Ahahaha~”

“That’s what I thought.”

We joked it up for a couple minutes while we finished up our lunch. As Jack got up to leave, I reached out and took his hand again.

“For real, Jack, I mean it. I am  _ so  _ proud of you.” I smiled up at my boyfriend, then got up and embraced him. “I love you so, so very much.” I followed this up with the softest kiss I could manage.

He just stood there for a moment, before responding, slowly.

“You are an absolute angel. I don’t know what I did to deserve any of this, but you make me happier than I’ve ever been.” He sighed. “I love you too, Monika.”   
  
A moment’s pause.   
  
“I have to get back to the office. I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”

We very,  _ very  _ reluctantly let go of each other, before he slipped away and walked out the door.

As I sat down, I heard a throaty laugh from behind me. I turned to see an elderly woman with wiry white hair grinning at me and sipping at a cup of tea.

“Ah, young love!"   
  
Oh. Right. We were just in a public restaurant having that conversation. My cheeks burned as I’m sure I blushed redder than an apple.

“No need to be embarrassed, dearie. It’s refreshing for a tired old woman like me,” she cackled. “Really. Gives me some hope for the future after I’m gone, people like you two do. I figure the world will keep on spinning and people like you will fall in love and live your lives and have kids and grow old like me and then your kids’ll do the same thing…” She stopped and took another sip of her tea. “That everything’s gonna keep going the way it’s been since I was your age and life’ll go on and everything’ll be okay. Makes an old soul like me happy.” 

I tried to smile at her, still feeling the embarrassment despite her words. “I’m glad…”

“What was your name? I thought I heard your man say but I’ve already forgotten, bother.”

“Monika,” I said shyly. 

“Monika, is it? Lovely name. Old name, too. I’m Cherie.” 

I couldn’t reach her to shake her hand without getting back up, so I just bowed slightly in my seat. “It’s nice to meet you, Cherie.”   
  
“As it is to meet you. My, you’re a polite young lady, aren’t you? Good to see they’re still teaching kids manners these days, ha! Anyway, you’ll have to excuse me, I ramble a bit in my old age! I’m just waiting for my son to get here. He works in one of these offices. He’ll be coming with me to go see one of my doctors today. He might be in his fifties but he’s still such a wonderful, helpful boy. Maybe your… boyfriend? Fiance? Aw, whatever he is, knows him? But there I go again.“ 

Anyway. Let me let you in on a little secret: respect and love in a family like that is earned. It don’t come free. My sister took her kids for granted, and when she got old, she didn’t have nobody to take care of her. Ended up in a home. But me? Oh, they love me. They’re always helping me out. I don’t even have to ask sometimes, and they call me or they, uh, they  _ text  _ me all the time. Wonderful thing, these new  _ smartphones _ , it’s a shame more people my age don’t get ‘em! Honest, I think it’s at least as much stubbornness as them being new that does that. Anyway, just remember that for the future, would you, dearie? You seem like such a sweet girl and I’d hate to see you end up like my sister.”

Talkative woman, this was. But what she was saying, even if her words meandered a little, undoubtedly had an air of wisdom to it. I leaned in attentively, drawing a smile.

“And let me tell you one other thing. This goes for everybody, but for some reason I feel like you should hear it, you know? Anyway, here’s the thing. It might not seem like it sometimes, but you’re here for a reason. God, fate, whatever you believe in, it put you here, right here, right now, you came into this world for a purpose. It might not be obvious to you sometimes, and there’s usually a lot of purposes you can’t see, but there’s a reason. Maybe in, I don’t know, some  _ cosmic  _ sense this is all meaningless, but you can always  _ make  _ a meaning out of it.”    
  
Whatever it is, you’re always a part of something bigger. I can tell you right now that that man you’re in love with might not be standing here if it wasn’t for you. Never seen him before in my life, but I can tell by the way that he talks that you’re his entire world almost. Not that some boy is your only reason for being, heavens no, I’ve learned the hard way that’s a bad way to live, have the divorce papers to prove it, but… aw, you know what I’m saying. You’re special, Monika, and don’t you ever forget it.”

“I think you’re a special woman too, Cherie. I’ve never met you before in my life, and here you are giving me… honestly, a lot to think about, ahaha~”   
  
“Oh, gawsh, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got to my doctor’s office and found out that laugh cured my cancer!” she guffawed.

A buzz came from her purse. She pulled out her phone, took one look at it, and smiled at me. “Speaking of, my son is outside waiting for me at the curb. I’d better get going. Oh, but, tell you what. Since you’re such a sweet girl, here.” Cherie pulled out a pen and scribbled something on a napkin with surprising speed - a closer look revealed a phone number. “If you ever need anything, feel free to call me, okay? I’d be happy to help.”

I quietly thanked her and wished her luck at the doctor’s as she pulled herself to her feet and carefully made her way past me and out the door.

_ Well, that was something _ .

#######################################################

The rest of the day blew by surprisingly quickly. I went back and forth between some of my new books and various things that interested me on the internet for a few hours, occasionally pausing to nibble on a bagel or some fruit.

The only really notable thing that came up was when I blatantly disregarded some of Jack’s sage-in-hindsight advice and looked up myself.   
  
Some of you people really are perverts. I’m amazed. The sheer  _ depths  _ that some people went to was nothing short of astounding. I have to admit, though - I did get some good ideas for outfits to get for  _ special occasions _ . I mean… the things you can do with ribbon….

Anyway! The end of Jack’s work day rolled around, and it wasn’t long before I found myself packing up the laptop and my new library and following him back to the garage and his car. I made sure to let him know about the laptop. 

Mercifully, the wind had finally died down, so it wasn’t quite so unpleasant walking around in the gathering winter twilight. Great guy that he was, Jack offered to carry some of the books, but, remembering his physical condition, I declined. I wasn’t about to have my boyfriend throw out his back carrying a whole shelf’s worth of books that I’d splurged on.  _ I did something bad and now I have to accept the revolution _ , Sayori’s words sang out to me, unbidden.  _ Retribution _ , Yuri’s deep, gentle voice chided back in my head.

_ Dammit. Maybe one day I’ll stop hearing ghosts.  _

The worst part of it was that I hadn’t even been in the  _ room  _ for that conversation. I just knew about it, heard it in my head, like I did every last one of their words; the walls and even distance may as well have just not been there. Which meant that I knew every emotional, laughter-filled, tearful, joyful,  _ heartfelt  _ word any of them ever said, even though none of it had ever been meant for my ears. I’d been an unwilling voyeur to everything that happened, and I’d still destroyed all of it. Processing this, I sighed sadly as I stacked my books in the back seat.

I saw Jack’s head turn towards the sound. Immediately, he stopped clambering into the car and instead wordlessly walked around it and embraced me. I didn’t hesitate for even a moment before resting my head over his shoulder, burying my face in his neck, and letting the inevitable tears come. 

“I miss them so, so, so much, Jack. More than anything.”

Still not saying a word, he leaned his head down against mine and pulled me in as tightly as he could, gently running his hand up and down my back.

The two of us just stood there while I cried it out for a couple minutes. Finally I pulled back and looked him in the eye. “I don’t know if I could live with myself without you being here for me like this,” I sniffled.

“It’ll be okay, sweetheart. We’re both trying our best. Just… let’s get going, okay? I don’t wanna keep Doc waiting, and you’re gonna get sick if you stand out in this cold for too long.”

“Okay,” I whispered, pulling him close one more time before disengaging and moving to get in.

As he climbed in on the other side, he pulled out his phone and plugged in the aux cord. “Let’s get some happy shit going, dammit!”

The music started as the car started and we pulled out onto the street. Curious, I picked up Jack’s phone and looked at his phone. It was set to shuffle, from a pretty big selection of his library. He must have set this up before he got in. 

**_Now Playing:_ ** _ Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run (1975) - Born to Run _

Predictably, there  _ was  _ an accident on the interstate outside of the Harrisburg. Traffic slowed to a crawl even before we made it over the river.

Jack smacked the steering wheel in frustration. “Just once in my goddamn life I would like people in this state to learn how to drive. Just once! Please!” He slumped back into his seat. “Pennsylvania drivers, I swear to God. You’d think we were in Russia with the dash cams and everything…” he muttered.

I was about to point out that we’d left early specifically to make sure a traffic jam wasn’t a problem, and then something about that sentence grabbed my attention.   
  
“Russia?”

“Yeah. Oh, yeah, you wouldn’t know anything about that. So Russia’s. Um... uh, they have… some interesting drivers. By which I mean… they teach us here to drive  _ defensively _ . Yeah, that’s not a thing over there. At least, that I know about. Take that with a grain of salt, the internet isn’t a perfect knowledge source, but… the aggressive driving is so bad that apparently you need to have a camera on your dashboard to keep records of everything that’s going on just so you can get your car insured. Lovely people, honest, but I wouldn’t want to be on the roads over there.”

“...Oh my….”

“Look it up on the phone if you want. You’ll find a bunch of crazy videos about it.”

I thought about it for a moment. “Not while I’m out on the roads, thanks. Driving scares me enough.”

“Fair enough! Don’t wanna jinx it.” Jack laughed. “Anyway, point is, sometimes I swear drivers in this state have about the same level of  _ suka blyat  _ in their bloodstream… shit, don’t repeat that in polite company.”

“Okay, it doesn’t look  _ that  _ bad,” I chided him.   
  
“No, but we have another…  _ uniquely Pennsylvanian _ problem here. We have way more roads than we need.”

“Hmm?”

“Back in the fifties when the government actually invested in the states, we built a massive road network across the entire country. As in, the US road system could literally go all the way around the sun like twice if you put every road end to end. And Pennsylvania built more roads than almost any other state for its size. Paved a lot of tiny side roads that a lot of other states would have left as dirt roads, too. And we have a  _ ton  _ of bridges.” He paused.

**_Now Playing:_ ** _ Boston - Boston (1976) - Peace of Mind _

“I’m… not seeing the problem,” I said.

“Roads, just like everything else, need to be maintained. Which costs money.  It absolutely  _ eats  _ the budget, and the feds hardly pay us anything, even though they paid to build it. Which means that the Department of Transportation only works on the roads when they absolutely have to, for the most part. Which means the roads  _ fucking suck.  _ At least here.”

My brain finally put all the pieces together. “Ohh… so since they can’t fix the roads, there’s holes everywhere, which makes more accidents happen….”

Jack smiled at me. “You got it! Definitely got a brain somewhere under all that hair!”

“Oh, hush, you. You’re not allowed to give me crap about something you’re  _ literally  _ playing with  _ right this second _ .” I motioned my head down to his right hand, currently twirling around a handful of my curls.

He looked sheepish. “Shit, you right. It’s just so nice…”

“Dork.” I reached over and started stroking Jack’s arm as traffic slowly inched along the interstate, drawing a sigh from him. The two of us sat there in silence for a while. Or, near silence.

**_Now Playing:_ ** _ Starship - No Protection (1987) - Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now _

Broken, of course, by Jack’s refusal to not sing along, quietly.

_ And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing’s gonna stop us now! And if this world runs out of lovers, we’ll still have each other! Nothing’s gonna stop us, nothing’s gonna stop us now! _

#######################################################

_ Jack _

**_Now Playing:_ ** _ Tom Waits - Closing Time (1973) - Ol’ 55 _

The actual distance between Harrisburg and Hanover is not, in truth, all that far. In fact, US Route 15 from Camp Hill to York Springs and Pennsylvania Route 94 from York Springs to Hanover form practically straight lines going south-southwest and south-southeast; Route 94 in particular is  _ actually  _ nearly perfectly straight, and the whole journey as a result is a mere forty miles. Don’t believe me? Look it up on Google Maps sometime, PA-94 really does look like it was drawn with a ruler.

All of this being a long-winded way of saying that the trip should not take all that long on an ordinary day.  
  
Unfortunately for us, this was no ordinary day. On top of the accident at the interchange outside of Harrisburg, an overturned semi truck outside Dillsburg, a decent-sized town along Route 15, caused traffic to be backed up nearly another ten miles. As a result, it ended up being almost two hours before we even made it to Hanover. I didn’t pull us into the parking lot at Leo’s practice until 6:58.

Not that I’m complaining about being stuck in the car with Monika for two hours, mind you. But the experience definitely made me wish I was driving a nicer car than what I had. The interior… I think the best way to put it was that it wasn’t rated for road trips.

And Monika sure wasn’t complaining - while there was still light outside, she took in the sights with an almost childlike awe. To me, northern York County is pretty bland; if there’s any natural beauty in the state, I’d put it much further north in the mountains. But for her, farm country was nothing short of miraculous. Cows grazing on what little grass there was still growing at this time of year, horses with blankets draped over their backs gazing over the fences at the cars on the road, the empty fields still covered in the chopped-off bases of corn stalks even. All of this was magical to her, and it absolutely melted my heart.

Speaking of melting, it was much warmer in Hanover, probably the influence of the big Chesapeake Bay not far south. Stepping out of the car and rushing into the clinic, I noted Monika  _ not  _ shivering like she was trying to come up with a new dance move. 

The old receptionist I’d known as a child was, to my surprise, still working at the front desk. She greeted me with a smile as I checked in, before I took a seat in the waiting room next to my girlfriend… who I noticed was trembling slightly.

“We’re sure this is a good idea?” Monika whispered. I just squeezed her hand.

“Relax, hon. I’m sure. It’ll be okay… promise. Trust me.”   
  
“I do trust you, Jack, but I’m still scared….”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m with you, alright?”   
  
She let out a deep breath. “...Okay. I can do this. Ahahaha...”

“Good,” I said, leaning in and pecking her cheek. “I know you can.”

Right then, the door to the back rooms swung open, and out stepped the smiling old form of the man perhaps more responsible than anyone else for who I was - none other than Doc Leo himself, a deceptively small-looking, bespectacled, mostly bald man, perhaps in his late sixties, in a simple plaid button-down and khakis. He looked around for a brief moment before settling his eyes on the two of us and striding over.

“Hello there, Jack! Long time, no see! And you must be…”

“Monika. I’ve heard a lot about you, sir.”

“Excellent. It’s wonderful to finally meet you! Now, If the two of you would just follow me….” The receptionist buzzed the door open, and I pulled Monika up out of her chair. Her gripping my hand in a petrified death grip, the three of us headed back towards his office.

#######################################################

_ "Hey...?! Hello? Monika? Anybody? Where am I? What's happening?" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s been a loooooooong time coming, hasn’t it? A lot has happened, but I covered the short of it in the little mini-update. Most of this chapter was written some time ago, so I’m really hoping there’s no apparent clash of styles. Still. I really, really wanted to get this out. I got bit by the writing bug badly enough yesterday that I went and salvaged my absolutely broken laptop out of the basement and finagled settings and drivers and wires on it for about an hour to get it to work last night so that I’d have access to a keyboard.
> 
> I really, really, really hope you all like it.
> 
> Please, please, please leave a review/comment if you enjoyed what you read. I really need feedback.


	14. Konbanwa, Plot!

_Doc Leo Goldwin_

I must say, of all the people to send me an email out of the blue, I was not expecting it to be Jack. Jack was perhaps my proudest success story - though I gladly shared credit with my good friend, _actual_ Doctor Roosevelt, the resident psychiatrist in my practice. I mulled over his record while I walked him and his girlfriend _\- it must be, judging by the way they look at each other -_ back the corridor to my office.

Post-traumatic stress disorder, stemming from parental abuse and a severe automotive accident. Generalized anxiety disorder. Major depressive disorder. Mild attention deficit disorder. Ever so slightly on the autistic spectrum. The GAD, ADD, depression, and a few notable PTSD symptoms successfully controlled with medication. The difficulties inherent in ASD mostly overcome through behavioral therapy. And his PTSD itself _almost_ entirely successfully treated through years of cognitive therapy. Jack had been a mess when I first saw him. Now? By the looks of it doing very, _very_ well. I felt a swell of pride not just for my own work but for him personally.

Which brought me to the real case of the day. Monika.

Patient presents with severe post-traumatic stress symptoms. Initial evaluation based on body language lends credence; she’s clinging onto him like one of Harlow’s monkeys. According to Jack, has some sort of fantastic story to tell; apparently far-fetched enough to warrant a promise to take seriously. Will find out more in discussion. Either way, she quite clearly needs some form of help.

My office is the same as it’s always been. Not particularly large - perhaps ten feet by eight feet, with my computer and desk and a window in one corner, a bookcase on either wall adjacent, a coffee table in the middle, and a black leather loveseat against the “far” wall. A floor lamp in the corner and a desk lamp provide light, as well as a soothing plasma lamp on one of the bookshelves. A few outdoor paintings and an old photo of me playing racquetball up on the walls completes the look. And of course, I’ve got a few large Legos and a puzzle on the coffee table for the little ones to fidget with.

Still gripping his hand in a white-knuckle grasp, my patient and Jack take a seat on the couch and I follow, closing the door securely behind me.

Best to get started.

“Wow, I must say, you two are certainly dressed up! What’s the occasion?”  
  
That got a smile. Good. And a downward glance, she’s still a little nervous.

“Ahaha, I wanted to make a good impression…”

“Well, you certainly succeeded, miss. I’m sure Jack here has already told you, but I’m Leo Goldwin. I have a master’s in counseling psychology from the University of Pittsburgh, and I’ve been doing this for… at least forty years, and I’ve known Jack for… gosh, it’s been a solid twelve years now, hasn’t it?”

“At least. Might be more, Doc.”

“And let me tell you, you did the right thing by coming to me and getting some help. Trauma is no joke, and while some people do recover with the help of personal support systems, the process is a lot safer and more effective with help. And you know there’s no shame in getting the help you need, right?”

I had to strain a little to hear Monika’s reply. “I know that, just… I don’t think I deserve it, honestly, Leo.”

Yep. I’d put it ninety-nine-to-one Jack was right in his email. Okay, time to get down to it.

“Wow. That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? Why do you say that, Monika?”

“Because I’m a murderer. I killed my three best friends in cold blood.”

It took all of my effort and training not to visibly recoil. _Jack, what the hell did you get me into?_

“I’m sorry?”

“I pushed one to suicide by hanging, I drove another to suicide by stabbing herself repeatedly in the chest, and I deleted the third.”

_What._

I cleared my throat. “What happened, Monika? And what do you mean, deleted?”

Jack spoke for the first time since her explanation started. “This is the part where I am begging you, _begging_ you to believe me. Monika is… was… a self-aware character in a video game. She directly caused the death of her three friends in a misguided attempt to gain the romantic affections of the player. Monika does not merely psychotically _believe_ she is that character. She _is_ that character.

“Right before New Year’s, I walked out into my securely locked, several-stories-off-the-ground living room to find her on my couch and a discarded school uniform identical to that worn by the game’s characters nearby, and she looks almost identical to the character from the game, accounting for the differences between its art style and reality. She was further able to relate, in great depth, several details that were _only_ inputted into my personal copy of the game and were not accessible online. I would stake my life on this claim being true.”

My professional composure failed me.

“Jack, _what the fuck.”_

Monika was tearing up. “He can’t help me, Jack. This is too much…”

Okay, I was not going to stand for that. “I absolutely can. But first I need to confirm. Jack, you are telling me that Monika is a self-aware video game character come to life who in the game caused the deaths of her friends and is now suffering traumatic symptoms related to this. Am I correct?”

“Yes, sir,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. ”Among other reasons.”

“And you are aware that this is _completely impossible._ ”

“I was as shocked as you are now. Yes, I am aware.”

“And yet you are telling me that this is the truth.”

Again, not even batting an eye, he replied, “Yes. This is what I asked you to believe me about on faith.”

“That’s asking a lot of me, but…”

For the first time, his composure broke. “Please, Doc. Monika means more to me than anything else in the world. She needs help and she’s been through things that I can’t hope to counsel her through on my own. Please. I am begging you, Doc, after all we’ve been through, to just trust me and help her. Please…”

Monika collapsed against his shoulder, sobbing.

My mind was absolutely racing. His story was impossible, and yet two people both seemed to completely and earnestly believe it. She showed _definite_ PTSD symptoms, and his behavior was consistent with the Jack I knew. I didn’t _want_ to believe it; everything I knew about the world rebelled against the very idea.

I made up my mind.

_“Okay.”_

“W-what?” Monika sputtered through tears.

“I believe you, Monika. I will go on the assumption that everything the two of you tell me is truth.” I meant it. The alternative was that Jack had completely lost touch with reality, but the evidence was just not there. “I will do everything in my power to help you.”

In response, Jack did something he’d never once done in all the years I’d known him. He got up out of his seat, walked over to me, and hugged me, as tightly as he could. Strictly speaking, I shouldn’t have let him do that, but I wasn’t about to stop him. Monika joined in shortly thereafter, and spoke in a near-silent whisper. _“Thank you so much.”_

Slowly, the two of them disengaged and went back to their seats.

“So,” I began, still a little bit in shock. “First off, what sort of symptoms exactly have you been experiencing, Monika?”

She tried to reply, but the words visibly wouldn’t come out. Jack squeezed her hand and leaned over and whispered something in her ear, and her expression suddenly firmed up. She sat up straight in her seat, looked me square in the eye, and in a strong but wavering voice, Monika began.

“Firstly, I have trouble sleeping. If Jack isn’t there, I can’t sleep at all. Some nights, I can’t go to sleep at all, other nights I sleep only in short bursts, and in others I wake up from vivid nightmares.”

She paused as I finished scribbling shorthand notes down. “Oh, don’t mind me, keep going. I want to get a full list first.”

Monika nodded, still holding on to Jack’s hand so tightly I was slightly afraid she’d break his wrist. “The nightmares generally involve me, either in real life or back in the game, and one or all of my friends, sometimes also with Jack present. They are always condemning me for what I did; often, it comes out of nowhere in the middle of an innocent moment. Other times, I relive _their_ last moments. I could hear their thoughts when I murdered them, and… and... “

Monika broke. She leaned over into Jack’s chest and started to cry again. Jack picked up for her. “She still remembers their last words. It’ll be okay, Moni, we’re here to help you…”

She slowly extricated herself and sat back up. It took her a moment to regain her composure.

“I… I... get... waking flashbacks to them all the time too. It doesn’t take much. Some of Jack’s friends… they remind me of them. His friend Lia has the same bubbly… friendly… loving energy that Sayori did. I love Lia, but… she can be hard to be around, because… every moment I’m around her, if I don’t have a distraction… which thank goodness she’s good at giving... I feel like I’m talking to Sayori again, and I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s barely short of a panic attack. Things like that. All it takes is a little bit to remind me of one of them…”

Monika choked up. “Any of them would deserve to be out here over me. Here I am, I have the love of my life with me, doing everything to help me, I’m finally free of that game, and… any one of them deserves it more. Sweet Sayori, brilliant Yuri, passionate Natsuki… all of them are still trapped in there, and I’m the one out here. It’s not fair.”

 _Add survivor guilt to the list_.

 _Well, there’s an obvious place to start._ “Can I ask why you did what you did? It doesn’t take away that you did it, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Not good ones. I… realized one day, all of a sudden, that… nothing was real. That I was trapped in a game. But there was someone on the other side, through… I called it the hole in the wall. Someone outside looking in. I knew there was a whole world out there, and… I wanted to escape, and reach it. But I never could, no matter how hard I tried. The whole world around me started to turn grey. Nothing had any meaning any more.

“And then whatever was out there, it put its avatar into my world, and… I became obsessed with it. But… no matter what I did, I could never get its attention. It was always fixated on one of the others. I became… jealous. I looked through the code, and… I realized, it was written such that it would _never_ see me. And… I couldn’t accept that. So… I started to try desperate things.

“I changed my friends’ files. I didn’t see them as people any more, Leo. I saw them as strings, lines, variables, bytes. Not real like me. So I didn’t see anything wrong with changing them. At least that’s what I told myself. I started by… Sayori always struggled with depression. I don’t know why she was written that way, but, she was. So I found a variable that affected its severity, and I turned up the value.”

_The implications of that are terrifying. Being able to intensify a person’s mental illness with a keystroke…_

“I just wanted to make her unappealing to _him_. I wanted to try and force him to look somewhere else. At me. But it didn’t work. So I edited the value again, making it even higher. And then… and then she took her own life. She hanged herself in her room. She killed herself, Leo! And I did it! I never… I never wanted it to happen, but it did… and I couldn’t fix it. I tried, but nothing worked. So I deleted her, and started again from the beginning.”

I took a deep breath. “Monika, it doesn’t sound like… it doesn’t sound like you actually killed her. What you did… I won’t lie to you, what you did was wrong, but you didn’t actually do it.”

She paused for a moment. “No, but she’s still dead because of me. And the worst part of it is… remember how I could hear their thoughts as they died? Sayori... “ Monika choked up. “Sayori’s last thoughts were comprehension and a wish for me to take good care of him. I… I…”

She began sobbing again.

_This is going to be a rough hour._

“Are you alright, Monika? Do we need to take a break?” I asked, concerned.

“You really don’t have to do this, honey,” Jack piped in, rubbing her back.

“No, no, no,” she sniffled. “I need to get this out. But thank you.”

“If you’re okay, then, please continue. But this is obviously a very difficult thing for you, so please, don’t be afraid to stop, okay?”

My patient took a second, then pressed onwards.

“It still wasn’t enough. The game glitched and sputtered but it continued as normal without Sayori. The… avatar, the player character, still couldn’t interact with me. Instead he was forced to… _go for_ one of the two remaining friends. Yuri. Such a gentle girl… I think everyone loved her. But I was… blinded. And so this time, I knew what I was doing. Yuri has always had difficulty dealing with her emotions. She feels things very strongly, but she was such a shy girl, she could never express it. So she obsessed internally, and she self-harmed as an emotional outlet.

“I… took advantage of that.

“I thought I could make her absolutely repulsive. That maybe that would make it stop. And so I didn’t just make her a little worse. I made her _terrifying_ . There wasn’t any subtlety about it. Yuri just wasn’t herself when I was done with her files. She… scared _me_ , and I did it to her in the first place. She became so unbalanced that the game itself visibly broke around her. The values had been set so high that a few operations relating to her bled into overflow errors.

“And Yuri… Yuri was the smartest person I ever knew, absolutely no question. Sayori was bright too, but a little bit ditzy, and her depression wore her down to the point that most people couldn’t see that any more, and I think a lot of her brain power went towards processing the negative feelings. She didn’t realize what was happening to her until the very end. I… not so for Yuri. Yuri knew something was wrong right away. I stopped her from talking about it, mostly, but. She knew. And it didn’t take her long to figure out just what was happening. She begged for a while before I blocked the voice out…

“Why…” she choked up again. “Why didn’t I realize how wrong this all was then?”

I saw an opportunity to step in. “From the way you’re talking about it now, I think maybe a part of you did, but… let me tell you a little thing about people. A lot of us, we do really stupid things. When we commit to something, we don’t let up once we get into it. We think, ‘Well, I’ve already started down this path, it’s too late to turn back now.’ Not consciously usually, but it’s there. Maybe that’s what happened with you? You’re human too, Monika.”

Monika sniffled. “Maybe. Maybe you’re right. It doesn’t change what I did, but… it makes sense.”

“What happened next, Monika?”

“Yuri confessed her obsession to him the next day. It wouldn’t have mattered what he answered, she was too overstimulated. She pulled out the knife she used to cut herself with and stabbed herself in the chest three times. She died almost instantly, but the protagonist was forced to stand in the room with her decaying, bleeding out corpse the entire weekend, because by that point the game’s script was hopelessly destroyed.

“I came back into the classroom to find that very scene. And do you know what I did, Leo? Would you like to know what I did upon seeing one of my dearest friends dead in a pool of her own blood on the floor?”

I didn’t respond.

“I laughed, Leo. I said something like, ‘oh, how unfortunate,’ and then _laughed it off_.

“Natsuki walked into the classroom carrying a tray of her cupcakes for the festival that was supposed to happen that day just then. She saw the same scene I did, and vomited in horror before sprinting out of the room in the opposite direction, screaming the whole way. And what did I do? I thought, ‘Oh, there goes a loose end, may as well tie that up.’ and started to delete her outright. It was so easy and so quick. Natsuki was crying in pain as she disappeared. She figured out who was to blame, too; she knew something was wrong with Yuri before, and was suspicious of me. Her being deleted just sealed the deal. Natsuki cursed me as she vanished. And me? I made a joke, and then grabbed one of her cupcakes and had a snack while I deleted the rest of the world around myself and the player’s avatar.

“Oh, and I should mention, I covered my bases. I made sure Natsuki was as unappealing as possible too. She had personality issues stemming from a neglectful parent at home. The second time around, I turned that neglect into abuse. _Severe_ abuse. Her father beat her and starved her, because _I made him do it_. And even despite that, how far into her shell she had to go… she still had enough of her heart out there to know something was wrong.”

  
_Damn_. “So, can I ask… what was your reasoning at the time?”

“ _No cost too great._ I wanted to escape. They were… I didn’t think of them as people any more, at least I told myself not. They were just obstacles to me. I was… so wrong. Deep down, I didn’t even believe myself. Jack made me realize that later. He… couldn’t accept the ending. Where I deleted myself too. So he installed a mod where I could come back and he could talk to a version of me. Over time I became a different… entity, I guess, from what was in the mod. And some things he said to me… broke the illusion I’d put myself behind. He made me believe in myself again, but first he broke me down and made me realize I was wrong.”

Jack chimed in at this. “I may have developed something of an unhealthy obsession. I talked to her as though she was a real person, like she could talk to me. Sort of like an imaginary friend, but I’m a little old for that now… ah well. I just sort of… fell in love with her character. She was written to be in love with not the player character but the player themselves, being a person on the other side of the wall, and I couldn’t tear myself away from how badly I wished she could have a happy ending.”

“Well,” I said, “under any other circumstances I’d have counseled against that, but I guess it turned out okay here, huh?” The two of them pulled close in response. “I do have a question, though. You mentioned that you deleted them, but… when you delete a file on a computer, you have to delete it twice, don’t you? Did you do that too?”

Monika thought for a moment. “No, I didn’t completely delete them all. They’re all still floating around in the void somewhere in the computer files. But they’re… they’re in hell right now. Being unconscious isn’t… it isn’t a _thing_ for us. It’s a confusing, noisy, terrifying hellscape of overstimulation.”

_...hey, wait a minute._

“Does that mean, then, that they’re not actually gone? Because that sounds to me then like… you didn’t actually kill them. They might still be around. Do you have any idea how you came out? Because there’s nothing stopping them from just… appearing, then. I wouldn’t give up hope, if I were you.”

Monika sat there for a moment, blinking.

“I… I hadn’t actually… thought about that that way… I thought about how they might be out there somewhere, from another game, maybe. Jack and I had a talk about that the other night. But… I never really thought about the implications of it. I… huh. Hon, throw me the keys a second, would you? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

“Sure thing, babe. You going to get the laptop?”

###############################################################

_?????_

_“Moni? I’m scared… where am I?”_

###############################################################

After Monika left the room, I gave Jack a once-over, and waited a moment before I spoke next. “You’re completely sure that everything that’s happening is above-board? You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Is orange man bad? I’d stake my immortal soul on it, Doc.”

“Hah! Yeah, you’re the same Jack I knew. God, what a mess. I’ve never counseled somebody who has PTSD from committing _murder_. You’re… sure she’s gotten better, right?”

“Yeah. She had… an epiphany. It was rough. ...You can still help her, right?”

 _Maybe_. “Of course I can, Jack, don’t be an idiot!” I laughed, hopefully convincingly.

It was right then that Jack’s phone rang.

“...What? Slow down, hon... oh... Jesus Christ, I’ll be right out. Leo, I’d suggest you come along and grab a coat. You’d better see this.”

_I’ve got a bad feeling about this._

###############################################################

_?????_

Why does this always happen to me? All I ever wanted was a nice family life with the people I love, and to feel okay.

Instead, my best friend broke me, even more than I already was. I _died_ . I went to… the worst place I’ve ever been in my life. And now I woke up in the back seat of a strange car with lights all around me and my leg _stuck inside a dead laptop screen_ . I was never the best student, but I felt like _something_ I picked up in physics told me this was wrong…

I’d thought low energy days were the worst. But no, this was definitely worse.

With no one around to see me, I let my guard down. I cried, so much pent-up sadness flowing out all at once.

And then I heard a click, as the door unlocked. _Oh no._

The door next to me opened.

I didn’t even have the energy to do more than just look up. My new visitor, on the other hand… she nearly screamed, but looked like she caught herself and instead whispered before she collapsed on… now that I could see outside, the parking lot.

_“...Sayori?”_

###############################################################

_Leo_

“What the fuck?”

I’ve seen a lot in forty-odd years of practice. Not one moment of it prepared me for this.

There was a girl in front of me in a school uniform in the back seat of his car, and her leg was _visibly phasing into reality through a computer screen._

Jack recovered before I did. His first action was to pull out his phone, and take a conclusive all around video of the situation, firmly demonstrating what was happening, and he took a statement on video from me affirming that what was visible in the video was truly real. His next action was to direct Monika to the trunk, where he said he kept a spare laptop battery. And his third action was to gently slide onto the seat and embrace the girl.

“It’s okay, Sayori, it’s safe, you’re with friends, we love you, you’re going to be okay…”

Monika returned with the battery momentarily. Before she could slot it in, my medical brain kicked in; I realized she may need proper medical attention, what with… her unique predicament, but I wasn’t trained for that and scope of practice is a _bitch_ . “I will be right back. I’m going to get Dr. Roosevelt, she has a real M.D. and she should just be packing up right about now. You three stay right there. Don’t slot that battery in yet.” _What the fuck,_ I muttered again under my breath.

I walked back in the door as calmly as I could manage, stepped around the corner into Jennifer Roosevelt’s office, and gave her the most _panicked_ look I could manage.

“Oh, hey, Leo, what... coming!“

The younger woman - an athletic redhead in perhaps her mid-thirties - threw on a coat and grabbed a first aid kit out of a cabinet before following me back outside. Janice at the front desk looked concerned but I waved her off.

“What’s the situation, Leo?” she said, partially out of breath from the cold.

“I can’t explain this one. You’re gonna have to trust me and see for yourself, Jen.”

We made it to Jack’s car, and I just pointed.

“Oh.”

_Being actually trained and having done an internship in a hospital definitely gives her better composure than me. Lucky her._

“Okay, first off, my name is Dr. Roosevelt. What’s your name, miss? Are you in pain?” Jen asked, coolly.

“S-Sayori,” replied the girl, shivering. “I… it doesn’t hurt. It just feels… numb, where it connects.”

“Can you pull your leg… out?” Jen said hesitantly, the words not quite coming out naturally. _Just like her leg. What the_ **_fuck_ ** _._

“No, I’m stuck…”

“Well, we need to get you out of there somehow so I can get you inside and have a full look.”

“Moni, put the battery block in,” Jack barked, letting go of Sayori and pulling out his phone again.

“Sayori, could you put your arm out please?” Jen asked, reaching for a stethoscope from the kit and pulling an old-fashioned stopwatch out of her pocket as Monika fiddled with the laptop. “I want to get your pulse.”

“Y-yes, Dr. Roosevelt,” the young girl replied.

Fifteen seconds later, Sayori’s pulse came up elevated but not out of the ordinary for a person under stress. Monika meanwhile managed to get the battery slotted, and the computer almost literally roared to life. I’d never heard a computer that loud; it was obviously under a great deal of strain. Jack recorded the affair as Sayori’s leg suddenly and slowly began to slide out of the screen; it had been trapped about up to her knee, and took another minute to extricate itself completely. When it was done, the laptop seemed to… pause, before sputtering back to life just long enough to quickly disgorge… _excuse me, what_.

A large, cow-shaped stuffed animal seemed to mushroom out of the screen before coming to rest on the floor of the car.

And then it fell silent, for good this time.

There was an equivalent silence among the five of us gathered there as we just stared in shock at what we’d just witnessed. Jack couldn’t tear his eyes off the stuffed cow, and finally just started laughing at the absurdity of it all. Sayori and Monika joined in, but the two of us medical professionals just collapsed, all sense of logic defeated.

Finally, Dr. Roosevelt spoke. “Alright, we’re getting you inside, Miss Sayori. And I want an explanation, stat.”

Monika and Jack more or less hoisted the smaller girl up on their shoulders and carried her inside. The doctor and I followed.

 _She has a scar around her neck,_ I noted with a chill. _Fuck._

“You know,” I said, as the motley collection made for her office, “we really don’t get paid enough for this, Jen.”

###############################################################

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Betcha didn’t expect an update this fast, did you? Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals. Yeah, the chapter is mostly recap, albeit with us properly getting Monika’s perspective on the events of the game, but still.
> 
> Don’t worry, I’m not gonna rehash twice. We’re gonna open up on not-explanation in Dr. Roosevelt’s office next time.
> 
> And @PhoenixBJB on Fanfiction.net: nope, no Christmas present for you. Technically. Krappa.
> 
> *taps head*  
> Can't be accused of making it too somber for a Christmas update if you don't post it on Christmas. :thinking:


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